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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you move tables at a Cafe?

364 replies

Southlondoner88 · 07/07/2024 12:10

So I’m inclined to say before I begin that maybe I was being a bit unreasonable but with good reason.

I am studying for really intense exams this week, had to get myself out of the house before I go insane so I came to a local Cafe Nero to do some work and have lunch. I chose a booth for 4 people partly because it was the only seat available when I first came in that looked comfortable and in the quiet area down the back. I would never sit at large booth on my own if this was a restaurant or a pub but it’s a chain, a lot of people do this and I see it all the time.

I was in deep intense study, earphones on, feeling great about myself and my productivity when a woman with her husband and adult child (I’m assuming) came to tap me on the shoulder. She asked if I could sit in the booth on the other side of me, there no please, excuse me or even a smile. I thought about it for a second, this is something I would normally agree to, I have previously swapped bus seats or airplane seats so children can sit together etc and would normally do this without being asked. If they were elderly or had toddlers/ babies or even if they just seemed nice I may have moved as I am a genuinely a nice person(people pleaser). However, after a quick scan of the situation, I politely declined and said I need this booth as there’s a charging socket here. I also didn’t really think they absolutely needed it, there were other seats/ tables free but I guess they wanted a booth. I also might have been persuaded if she was polite but I found her tone quite rude from the beginning and I was proved right because as soon as I declined, she said ‘so your just going to take up a booth because you need to charge your laptop?’ I then just said no again and turned away to which I was then called an ‘arrogant bitch.’ They clearly wanted an argument so I tried to ignore. They sat down at the booth in question and just pulled another seat over so it’s not as if they had nowhere to sit. They also sat there for no longer than 10 minutes and when they left, the woman turned to me and said ‘ hope you have a really shit rest of the day,’ again in a very aggressive tone.

I just think wow, it’s a public, chain cafe where seats are first come, first serve.. why on earth would you even bother someone clearly busy and comfortable when you only wanted to sit there for 10 minutes.

Also I’m not the only one here who is taking up extra space, there’s a couple opposite me sitting at a table for 6. I don’t know why they targeted me, probably because I’m a lone woman and look quite young for my age (been told this and still get ID’d in my 30’s.

it’s really annoyed me and I felt a bit shaky as I hate confrontation.

sorry excessively long post but think it needed context!

OP posts:
SouthernBelle2 · 09/07/2024 11:02

SofiaSoFar · 09/07/2024 10:43

It's not for you to police what a cafe/coffee shop is for, though.

Many of them very deliberately advertise themselves as places to go to work, including NERO as pointed out above by someone who (presumably) works for them.

The clue is in the name " cafe / coffee shop" (your own words) 😂

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/07/2024 11:06

Cloudtime · 08/07/2024 23:34

Seriously? Of course you were unreasonable ……. It’s a coffee shop not a library or office. You took up seats that 4 paying customers could have used . Charge your laptop before you go! Selfish and entitled

It was a Sunday, @Cloudtime - the library was shut, and the OP doesn't have an office to go to either - she was studying.

Plus, there was somewhere else the other woman's party could sit - they just wanted that particular table, asked very rudely, and expected the OP to gather all her stuff and move - how was that reasonable of them?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/07/2024 11:08

SouthernBelle2 · 09/07/2024 09:54

No need for the verbal abuse, but if you need office space you should rent an office. A cafe I'd for people to eat and drink and chat. An office is a place to work.

The OP didn't need office space - she needed somewhere to study - a bit different, in my opinion, @SouthernBelle2. And I doubt she'd have been able to rent a hot desk space at short notice on a Sunday.

They had to move a whole chair, @Poiboi? The horror!

Kneidlach · 09/07/2024 11:31

The clue is in the name " cafe / coffee shop" (your own words) 😂

But - cafes and coffee shops have also been workplaces throughout their entire history! The finance and insurance sectors of London grew out of people meeting informally in cafes in the 1700s.

In a way people working from cafes now are simply carrying on a tradition that’s been going on for centuries.

YellowAsteroid · 09/07/2024 12:17

AmazingBouncingFerret · 09/07/2024 06:56

They do it so people can work there. Caffè Nero themselves did a social media “campaign” (a couple of Facebook posts) about Working From Nero. They lost a lot of footfall custom from office workers during lockdown and it very nearly saw them gone. Once sitting in was allowed we actively encouraged people to come and work in the stores. They kept us going and me in a job!

I’m glad to hear it @AmazingBouncingFerret I really like my local Caffè Nero- the coffee is good and the staff are uniformly lovely (and those Italian cream buns are my current downfall).

They seem to have a nice balance between a quick sit down and people who sit over a cup of coffee for a long time. At my local one on Sunday there was an elderly man who’d fallen asleep over his cup of tea. But other customers just manoeuvred round him. Clearly nicer customers than the OP encountered or many PPs on this thread!

The judgement against a woman on her own, by other women, is quite shocking really.

YellowAsteroid · 09/07/2024 12:21

Kneidlach · 09/07/2024 11:31

The clue is in the name " cafe / coffee shop" (your own words) 😂

But - cafes and coffee shops have also been workplaces throughout their entire history! The finance and insurance sectors of London grew out of people meeting informally in cafes in the 1700s.

In a way people working from cafes now are simply carrying on a tradition that’s been going on for centuries.

Absolutely. Newspapers and magazines started in 18C coffee shops (The Spectator, The Idler) they were acknowledged places of meeting, work, and politics.

Roseyjane · 09/07/2024 12:23

I love how you go to so much trouble to justify how great you normally are and how normally you would say yes, it is most of the op.😂

KreedKafer · 09/07/2024 12:29

You're both in the wrong. You're in the wrong for treating a coffee shop like an office, and she was in the wrong for being rude to you.

It is selfish to take up a booth for four people when there are smaller tables available and people in larger groups are stuck with nowhere to sit. She was a twat in the way she asked you, absolutely. It's not OK for her to be rude. But you also can't possibly expect other people to give a shit about your exams and your productivity and to accommodate your study needs in public spaces.

pepperrabit · 09/07/2024 15:27

YNBU

A lot of comments in this are horrific!

OP can sit at a table for 8 if she so chooses. She realistically does not need to move for any bigger party unless that is stated to her upon arrival before she becomes a paying customer. If the cafe had a policy, they would seat you personally.

Morally, she can absolutely weigh up a situation and decide in her own best interests. Why should she inconvenience herself for people who had clearly no interest in inconveniencing themselves for her?

pepperrabit · 09/07/2024 15:28

pepperrabit · 09/07/2024 15:27

YNBU

A lot of comments in this are horrific!

OP can sit at a table for 8 if she so chooses. She realistically does not need to move for any bigger party unless that is stated to her upon arrival before she becomes a paying customer. If the cafe had a policy, they would seat you personally.

Morally, she can absolutely weigh up a situation and decide in her own best interests. Why should she inconvenience herself for people who had clearly no interest in inconveniencing themselves for her?

Meant to add! A lot of cafes advertise people to come and work in there cafes as it makes the place look busier and leads to more custom.

XenoBitch · 09/07/2024 22:13

KreedKafer · 09/07/2024 12:29

You're both in the wrong. You're in the wrong for treating a coffee shop like an office, and she was in the wrong for being rude to you.

It is selfish to take up a booth for four people when there are smaller tables available and people in larger groups are stuck with nowhere to sit. She was a twat in the way she asked you, absolutely. It's not OK for her to be rude. But you also can't possibly expect other people to give a shit about your exams and your productivity and to accommodate your study needs in public spaces.

There were other places for the other party to sit. OP was not taking up the last table, and when she initially went into the cafe, it was the only one available.

Are you saying that someone sat alone on a table for 4, should move when a smaller one becomes available? Because I can guarantee that is the sort of batshit thing that people talk about on MN, but never do in reality.

Funkyslippers · 10/07/2024 08:19

XenoBitch · 09/07/2024 22:13

There were other places for the other party to sit. OP was not taking up the last table, and when she initially went into the cafe, it was the only one available.

Are you saying that someone sat alone on a table for 4, should move when a smaller one becomes available? Because I can guarantee that is the sort of batshit thing that people talk about on MN, but never do in reality.

Actually it was the only one available that she fancied. But I agree, she can sit where she likes & there were tables available for the other party

Wheredidileavemycarkeys · 10/07/2024 09:23

Mrsttcno1 · 07/07/2024 12:17

She shouldn’t have spoken to you like that but I do think you’re unreasonable to take up a full booth for the sake of using the plug socket. Surely you don’t need your laptop plugged in all of the time so could have swapped seats? I did sometimes used to work in coffee shops while I was at uni but would always choose a seat where I wasn’t hogging a bigger space

There were other seats free. They didn’t have to sit there.

Wheredidileavemycarkeys · 10/07/2024 09:31

No way she would have said those things to a man
Absolutely no way.

SofiaSoFar · 10/07/2024 11:46

@KreedKafer

It is selfish to take up a booth for four people when there are smaller tables available and people in larger groups are stuck with nowhere to sit.

Did you even read the OP, never mind RTFT ?

CandiedPrincess · 10/07/2024 12:08

She's a twat.

And to all the "it's not an office..." a lot of cafes/coffee shops ENCOURAGE you to work/study from their premises, they offer wifi and sockets for this purpose, some even do lunch deals. We're now a nation of nomad/remote/hybrid workers it's perfectly normal (but maybe not for the Housewives of Mumsnet)

paywalled · 10/07/2024 12:21

this is what I thought, I used to work in hospitality and you can’t stop someone from sitting somewhere even if they haven’t paid. Restaurants can have hostesses to seat people where they would like but they can’t force them to sit there.

This is making me wonder if you’ve misrepresented what actually happened OP.

Because yes, a business can stop you sitting somewhere.

It’s their private property, not yours.

lateatwork · 10/07/2024 12:23

What do people do at a coffee shop?
Is reading ok?
Is talking to a friend ok?
Is writing a postcard ok?
Is playing on your phone ok?
Drinking coffee and nothing else ok?

And if the only seat available was in a booth of 4, then the cafe got less busy, and someone else wanted your seat, but you weren't ready to leave yet, why would you give up your seat if others were available?

People are riled up about the 'working' bit.

Maverickess · 10/07/2024 12:42

paywalled · 10/07/2024 12:21

this is what I thought, I used to work in hospitality and you can’t stop someone from sitting somewhere even if they haven’t paid. Restaurants can have hostesses to seat people where they would like but they can’t force them to sit there.

This is making me wonder if you’ve misrepresented what actually happened OP.

Because yes, a business can stop you sitting somewhere.

It’s their private property, not yours.

I really don't get the attitude that the customer is in charge, yes they're a customer and they deserve to be treated with respect, dignity and in places like restaurants/coffee shops a bit (for want of a better word) indulged, but not dictate what happens, who sits where and strop when it doesn't happen.

We stop people sitting in certain places daily, got a dog? Then no you can't go into the dog free area, no you can't sit on a reserved table when you've just rocked up and decided you want to sit there, the table is booked, you take one of the free tables or you are free to not do so, leave or wait, no I'm not moving someone else from a table because you want to sit there, you're not more 'special' than they are and I'm here for all customers, and I'm not a referee either.

And you certainly don't go harassing other customers and being nasty towards them because you want what they have. What's wrong with people that they think this is acceptable behaviour? What it gets you where I work is nothing because if you behave like that and we clock it, and we do, we'll ask you to leave because we don't want that sort of negativity impacting on the other paying customers. Their money is as good as yours, as is the people who come after you and behave like normal human beings.

Wheredidileavemycarkeys · 10/07/2024 13:52

What do people do at a coffee shop?
Is reading ok?
Is talking to a friend ok?
Is writing a postcard ok?
Is playing on your phone ok?
Drinking coffee and nothing else ok?

well according to a pp sitting at a single table drinking coffee is “borderline ok”.
I do this a lot. Am I living life on the edge? 😂

BettyBardMacDonald · 10/07/2024 15:03

The group of four could have split into two, rather than expect OP to inconvenience herself for their benefit.

But again, privilege of the coupled/familied, who always expect their wants to automatically outweigh those of the solo/childfree.

Kneidlach · 10/07/2024 15:09

well according to a pp sitting at a single table drinking coffee is “borderline ok”.
I do this a lot. Am I living life on the edge? 😂

Me too, I spent an hour this morning in a cafe Nero by myself. Didn’t realise I was being such a daredevil.

I do wonder if some of the posters who think OP was in the wrong are the kind of people who nearly always do things with others and so would always be in a cafe with a group of people rather than by themselves. And they just can’t really fathom the behaviour of people who happily choose to spend time by themselves in eg a cafe.

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 10/07/2024 16:29

BettyBardMacDonald · 10/07/2024 15:03

The group of four could have split into two, rather than expect OP to inconvenience herself for their benefit.

But again, privilege of the coupled/familied, who always expect their wants to automatically outweigh those of the solo/childfree.

Bollocks.

I'm regularly in cafes etc on my own. I can't imagine being so rude as to expect another party to split up just because I want a table of 4 all to myself to nurse a cup of coffee.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/07/2024 17:56

@IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle - the OP wasn’t just ‘nursing a coffee’ - she reckons she spent about £25. And secondly, there was another table free that the party could use! They wanted the OP’s table, and I don’t see why she should have to move herself, her drink and food and all her gubbins just because someone else fancied the table she was using more than the one that was free.

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 10/07/2024 18:56

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/07/2024 17:56

@IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle - the OP wasn’t just ‘nursing a coffee’ - she reckons she spent about £25. And secondly, there was another table free that the party could use! They wanted the OP’s table, and I don’t see why she should have to move herself, her drink and food and all her gubbins just because someone else fancied the table she was using more than the one that was free.

I can't see anything about how much OP spent although she did post this nonsense.

this is what I thought, I used to work in hospitality and you can’t stop someone from sitting somewhere even if they haven’t paid.

And wittered on about some spurious distinction about it being ok to hog a table because it's a chain.

Although my comment was more general about it being fine to expect a group of 4 to split up so a single person can keep 4 seats.