Mil thinks DH should pay towards his grandmothers funeral

[UsernameTalk]

My mil has over half a million in savings (i know because she recently sold 2 of her houses), and lives in a 5 bedroom house. We have two young children and live in a small 3 bedroom house and trying to save every penny for a bigger house. I have not been able to work for the previous 6 years because my son has autism and is quite high needs.

Mil thinks he and his 2 siblings should pay towards her mothers (their grandmothers) burial. Mil mother (DH grandmother) had no savings or money when she died to cover it.
AIBU to think that is ridiculous?

She’s mad, if there’s nothing in the estate I’d look to her and any of her siblings first.

No. She pays for her mothers funeral herself the cheeky fucker

Next of kin. She pays. You just need to stand up to her.

The funeral is generally paid for out of the estate.

If she didn't have any money in the estate then I'd look to the next of kin to pay in the first instance.

Funeral costs come out of the estate.

It's not down to your mil really .. she can't pluck the money from your account. It comes down to if your hubby is stupid enough to pay for this when he has a family to provide for.

Funny that this wealthy woman expects her son to contribute to something that she should be paying for but was happy for her own mother to live with not a penny to her name. I guess that's why the rich are rich.

Additonal information. Dh's grandmother had no estate or money left over. The house she lived in mil owes most of. DH and siblings have a small share in it.
It was was Dh's grandfathers that he left in his will to them, DH's grandmother was living it in for free. Sorry did not explain that well

Did you read the op. There's no money.

Utterly ridiculous. The grandmother's children pay for the funeral. If your DH gives in to this ridiculous demand, he's a fool.

If DH has a small share in what is the estate, then he should maybe pay a small amount proportional to this? But if MIL has the biggest share then she pays for most of the funeral

She's a CF, your DH needs to stand up for himself.

If DH has a small share in what is the estate It is not his grandmothers estate, she has no money or estate, and infact had debt to pay - to electric company and pay back over paid pension etc.

The estate that is being sold is his grandfathers house that he left to mil, dh and his siblings. And mil is already demanding dh and his siblings pay a share of their grandmothers debt now their grandfathers house is being sold (again that their grandmother did not own).

No, neither your DH nor his siblings should have been asked to pay. Your MIL is a wealthy woman, she can pay for it no problem. I'm sure you'll all be attending the funeral to pay your respects.
These older people who have huge amounts of savings, but sit back and watch their children/ grandchildren struggle never cease to amaze me.

Did DH get any cash when the GF died? How much is she thinking of spending on the funeral? Strictly speaking the NOK pays if no estate. However her estate has already been distributed, when her husband died, with some of it going to your DH, so if he pays anything, then it should be proportional. It sounds as though she puts money above family, she isn't going to change.

Definitely your MIL's problem as she has presumably been party to this pre-death transfer of assets. She already has the bulk of the estate in her hands so time to cough up for the funeral.

If she literally had no money or assets to pay for a funeral you can ask the local authority for a Public Health funeral. It is the duty of all local authorities to arrange for the burial or cremation of anyone who dies without funds for a funeral. This is because it is in the public interest to do so. Family or friends are under no responsibility to pay for a funeral no matter how wealthy they are and no matter how closely related they were to the deceased. It is the deceased who is wholly liable to pay for their funeral from their estate.

Public Health funerals are almost indistinguishable from "regular" funerals. However, funeral cars are not provided for attendees and you are not able to dress the deceased in their own personal clothes. Additionally the funeral directors do not oversee the collection (if there is one) at the church/crematorium. One caveat, If burial is chosen the deceased will generally be committed to a communal grave. Most people therefore choose cremation for Public Health funerals.

Tell your MIL that you have been investigating local authority funerals and that this seems the best option as she obviously doesn't want to pay and you cannot afford to. Stand back and watch her reaction!

If there’s no money then MIL pays

DWP have a funeral fund, if she had nothing perhaps apply for this.

Funeral Expenses Payment can help pay for some of the costs of the following:

1. burial fees for a particular plot
2. cremation fees, including the cost of the doctor’s certificate
3. travel to arrange or go to the funeral
4. the cost of moving the body within the UK, if it’s being moved more than 50 miles
5. death certificates or other documents

You can also get up to £1,000 for any other funeral expenses, such as funeral director’s fees, flowers or the coffin. The payment will not usually cover all of the costs of the funeral. How much you get depends on your circumstances. This includes any other money that’s available to cover the costs, for example from an insurance policy or the deceased person’s estate.

It sounds as if there is a small estate (the grandparent owned part of the property and has left this to you DH and siblings), then MiL can use this to pay for the funeral potentially leaving them with no inheritance. Is that what she means?

The executor of the will would consider reasonable funeral costs to be funded from the estate.

@UsernameTalk yes but if in England the GM had to agree not to inherit what was her husband's. Was the GM robbed by your MIL? Dying in debt etc while she sits on savings.

This is only if you receive certain benefits. With half a million in the bank, that’s unlikely.

The executor of the will would consider reasonable funeral costs to be funded from the estate
The estate was not DH's grandmothers. It is owned mostly by Mil, with a small share to dh and his siblings. It was given to them decades ago from DH's grandfather. It is just now they can sell it as DH grandmother was living in it for free.

Does the MIL have siblings? They come before your DH.

Did the GM have siblings, they come before DH.

You have a DH problem. Him and his siblings need to tackle their mother together. Assuming they all agree

The GM has one siblings that died years ago.
Mil has no siblings.
DH has 2 younger siblings.