Mil thinks DH should pay towards his grandmothers funeral

[UsernameTalk]

My mil has over half a million in savings (i know because she recently sold 2 of her houses), and lives in a 5 bedroom house. We have two young children and live in a small 3 bedroom house and trying to save every penny for a bigger house. I have not been able to work for the previous 6 years because my son has autism and is quite high needs.

Mil thinks he and his 2 siblings should pay towards her mothers (their grandmothers) burial. Mil mother (DH grandmother) had no savings or money when she died to cover it.
AIBU to think that is ridiculous?

Only because the mil already has it all

Lmao no.

How much money will the house sell for and how much is MIL wanting to spend on the funeral?

Who paid for grandfather’s funeral, or did that come out of the estate? How come grandmother was left with nothing when grandfather died?

It isn't especially uncommon. He may well have bought and owned the house by himself, especially if he was the one with the income. For a long time, it was harder for women to buy property than men and their access to mortgages was lower. DGM may well have been of a generation to be affected by that. They may also have only had their pensions to live on and not much else.

And then with a view to care costs, people often leave their share of the property to younger descendants but make a provision in their will for a surviving spouse to stay in the property until they die. A life interest.

I’m sorry but morally MIl and to a degree DH all ought to pay out of the house proceeds.

Assuming that that there was no life interest in the house relating to your GM and assuming that GM and GD were married until he died he clearly left the house and all other property to your MIL and DH to avoid there being any care charges or IHT charges on the house and to preserve assets.

The original monies / house belonged to GD and should have been left to his wife but instead she was left impoverished and ‘allowed’ to live in the house for free.

Surely she deserves a decent funeral and no quibble about who pays?

Moreover when the house is sold there needs to be a declaration to the IR for CGT as it was not your MIl main residence or the main residence of DH - it has to be paid quite promptly after the sale. Even if MIL moves into it and then sells it there will be CGT due for the time period when GM lives in it after GD death and has that was a long time ago it will be a hefty CGT bill. Your GM was not the owner and there is no main residence relief.

Extremely selfish but I can vaguely see her logic as ultimately DH and the siblings will benefit from the house sale. I'd say we've no money at present but can pay you our proportionate share of the costs after the property is sold. It's ridiculous though

What does your DH think?

if there was a life interest then IHT is payable and not CGT assuming that the house was of a certain value.

On the Life Tenant's death, subject to any exemptions or reliefs which then apply, IHT will be payable on the combined value of the trust assets and the Life Tenant's own estate. The trustees will be responsible for paying the proportion of the IHT payable in relation to the trust assets.

He needs to tell her he can't afford it and it's NOK to pay, especially if she's already had the estate given to her by her dad - that's bizarre in itself as should have been grandmothers after her husband died

Who paid for grandfather’s funeral, or did that come out of the estate? No idea it was decades ago, but probably out of the estate.

How come grandmother was left with nothing when grandfather died? Because they were divorced a long time ago.

They are too different estates, dh's grandfather died decades ago, was divorced from dh's grandmother. Mil, dh and siblings inherited the grandfathers house (with mil having the biggest share) when he died. Mil decided to let dh's grandmother live in it for free. She died recently with a small amount of debt and no money or anything to her name. Now they are selling the grandfathers house decades after inheriting it.
Mil thinks DH's grandmothers debt and funeral costs should be shared between her, dh and his siblings, because they are selling Dh's grandfathers house (that DH's grandmother had no share in, she was pennyless).

Sorry did not explain it well and should have included this in original post at the start.

She sounds delightful! Has lots of money and assets herself whilst leaving her mother with nothing and in debt and now wanting her own children to pay for grandmothers funeral.

Is she always selfish and greedy?

The original monies / house belonged to GD and should have been left to his wife but instead she was left impoverished and ‘allowed’ to live in the house for free dh's grandfather and grandmother had been divorced for a long time at the time

Who has paid for the upkeep/bills on the house if GM was penniless?

House bills paid by Dh's grandmother out of her state pension i think

Is she always selfish and greedy? Yes as well as controlling and manipulative. I had another post about Mil under the same name asking if Mil is batshit and if I am unreasonable going low contact?

If there is 0 in the estate then either a) anyone can pay for the funeral or b) everyone can refuse and the LA will have to pay for it.
What anyone got from Grandad's will is irrelevant, and if you need the money that is coming to you from the sale of your house, well, you need it don't you?

I think the funeral costs should be covered eventually from the proceeds of the sale of the house, but in the meantime MIL should pay upfront.

They wouldn't be covered from the sale of the house as it wasn't DGMs. She left no estate.

Do debts really need to be paid once a person has died? Genuine question

Just tell her you don't have any money. Tight as a crabs arse she is.

Depends.

In the UK, if they leave enough of an estate to cover them then yes. If the person leaves nothing, or an amount not sufficient to cover the debts, then no.

Definitely mil pays as she basically inherited what should have been the estate early to avoid inheritance tax no doubt

@mitogoshi OP has clarified that grandparents were divorced

Do debts really need to be paid once a person has died?
No idea, but his grandmother had no money or anything, so I think Mil just paid. Not sure if you could say she has no money at not pay?

Sounds like an unfair divorce settlement as there was plenty of money, different times I suppose