Mil thinks DH should pay towards his grandmothers funeral

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My mil has over half a million in savings (i know because she recently sold 2 of her houses), and lives in a 5 bedroom house. We have two young children and live in a small 3 bedroom house and trying to save every penny for a bigger house. I have not been able to work for the previous 6 years because my son has autism and is quite high needs.

Mil thinks he and his 2 siblings should pay towards her mothers (their grandmothers) burial. Mil mother (DH grandmother) had no savings or money when she died to cover it.
AIBU to think that is ridiculous?

No you are quite right. I’d understand more if she was totally broke & asked for any help she could get, but she’s not totally broke & should pay herself.

If there's really no money at all in the estate, the debts won't need to be paid.

Of course Dh shouldn't pay for the funeral.

they need to be paid from the estate if there is no estate they can't be paid

I’m not sure if this has already been mentioned as i haven’t read through all of the comments. Could mil not pay for the funeral and then take that money back from the house sale before the money from the sale is divided up?

The next of kin pays.

Mother in law is getting money from the sale of the house. Its on her or no funeral.

If there is no money, why the expensive burial instead of a much cheaper cremation? Apologies if this is for faith reasons, but the grandmother should have thought about the cost of her preference and planned for it.

Ridiculous to think your DH should help especially as she is comfortably well off it’s down to her

Sorry not read the full thread, but have you or DH checked the deeds at the land registry? Is it actually in DH and his siblings' names (as well as MIL). If not, it will be virtually impossible to get MIL to hand over their share when it is sold.

Grandfather left house to MIL.
It should have gone to his wife, but went to MIL, presumably for tax reasons.
She SHOULD have received the house, and would have been able to contest the will, but this was not done IN ORDER TO PASS THE VALUE TO MIL.

Now, if he in turn expects to inherit some value from the estate of the MIL he should be nice and pay his share. If he doesn't, it's up to him.

Exactly

I read the your other thread and this one. I don't understand how anyone can be that batshit crazy! Honestly, the greed of that woman. If I was your husband, I would go no contact.

Sorry you are in this situation and very sorry that his GM has passed away too. Death and funerals are hard at the best of times without unnecessary conflict between family members. Your MIL is the only child of his GM and I assume is also the sole beneficiary to her estate. She needs to do what is right by her own mum and suck the cost up! An average funeral is between £5k and £8k so isn’t a lot of money to your MIL. Maybe it is the grief talking and she isn’t thinking straight? Really hope you guys get this sorted and give his GM a good send off!

Normally paying the debt will come out of the estate and so will the funeral is there is no money.
Sorry OP but it will be deducted from the sale of the house then the rest will be divided as per the will, your MIL could pay herself but if she doesn't want to there is nothing anyone can do.

Read the thread, they were divorced in the 70s he didn't have a wife

Is the Grandmother MIL’s mother or MIL?

It says in the first post it's her mother

Any reason why dh doesn't just repeat the word no to his dm? because he is a massive wet lettuce

It sounds like legally she has to pay for it as she's NOK. She cannot make your DH and siblings pay, she can only ask (or in your case bully). What does your DH want to do? If he's in agreement with you then he just has to say no and really mean it! He has always just said yes to his mum, until I started to put my foot down more. He is also worried his mum will cut him out of her will.

I read the your other thread and this one. I don't understand how anyone can be that batshit crazy! Honestly, the greed of that woman. If I was your husband, I would go no contact. it is getting my husband to see her behaviour batshit, he is in the FOG and a wet lettuce

No amount of money is worth this agro! If he gives in to this then he's gonna keep giving in and she will make your lives hell.
I had similar with my ex and his parents. Every time he stood up to them his dad would lose it and threaten to cut him out of the will. Money, such a necessary evil!

What happens to debts when someone dies? If the debts are in the deceased person's sole name and they have no assets, the debts will not be owed by anybody else when they die. If the debts are joint or someone has acted as a guarantor, then the surviving person or guarantor will be liable for these debts.

so if mil has paid the it’s tough, unless of course the utilities were in her name.

in terms of funeral costs:

If someone dies without enough money for a funeral and there is no one to take responsibility who is able to pay for it, the local authority must bury or cremate them. It's called a 'public health funeral' and includes a coffin and a funeral director to transport them to the crematorium or cemetery.

again if mil has paid then that is up to her but she can’t then expect your WLH to pay back.

so the simple answer to your question is no.

if the house is being sold you need to ensure the money comes direct to your WLH than via mil as you’ll never get it.

there is however a moral question of whether a contribution to the funeral is the right thing to do, but there is no obligation.

you need to get your husband in therapy… use some of the money to support this so it helps you as a family

It's disgusting if someone with half a million pounds in the bank effectively uses tax payers money for her own mother's funeral. It also sounds like GM was swindled in the divorce if she was penniless and GF wasn't Some of the money she should have had in the divorce settlement but in effect ended up with MiL should go towards GM's funeral. Anything else is contemptible.

MIL might as well spend some of her dosh on the funeral, she’ll leave so much that a fair chunk will go on Inheritance tax anyway.

Normally the estate of the deceased pays. Who is the executor?

Could she front the money and the money come from the house when it is sold, in the proportion that they inherit. So if she has 50% and he has 10, 50% comes from her share etc etc.