To ask guest to leave for smoking in the bedroom?

[FgsMary]

A friend has been staying. She lives abroad but is over here on holiday for 3 weeks. Day 1, she smoked in the kitchen. I told her no smoking at all in the house. She pulled a face but from then on, smoked in the garden. I then became aware that she was sneakily smoking in the bedroom at night (blowing it out of window). She is a very tricky person anyway. Very aggressive, confrontational, awkward, selfish, bullying at the best of times but I'd bit my lip for a week and it had mainly been OK. I asked her if she'd been smoking in the bedroom. She said no but then later text me to say that she had and she was sorry. I told her she should find somewhere else to stay and she left that day. I feel dreadful though and I should probably have just said again not to smoke inside but not asked her to leave. She's now playing the victim and acting like I'm the bad guy. Was I out of order? I have said she's welcome to come back and I've seen her since but she's said no to coming back and she's sleeping on a relatives floor instead.

You were a bit harsh.

I’m with you. That’s completely rank and overstepping your boundaries

Rude cow. Can't believe anyone would do this. You weren't harsh enough!
Well done for getting rid

You let her into your house to stay (assuming for free?)

You told her no to smoking at all in the house after catching her do it. She pulled a face at you like a teenager.

She disrespected you and done it again in the bedroom

YABU for asking her to come back to stay. YANBU for telling her to leave.

I think that was an OK decision to make, and your friend doesn't sound nice anyway.

Not I think what you did is fine. Smoking in the house or letting it blow into the house is gross.

I'm a smoker (well vapes) - YANBU as you made it perfectly clear that you didn't want any smoking in the house!

She is a rude fucker and she owes you massive apologies, but I still wouldn't let her stay again

Apart from the smoking issue she sounds bloody AWFUL

Absolutely no way would I smoke in my own house let alone someone else’s .

Not harsh at all. She’s a rude ignorant entitled cow. No one with any basic manners lights up indoors without checking first if it’s ok and then to smoke indoors again after you told her not to - nah she’d be straight out of mine.

I have a couple of friends who smoke and they don’t even smoke in their own houses let alone anyone else’s. She’s a CF. Let her book a hotel - then pay the £1000 fine if she lights up inside

This is totally on her - no guilt from you at all

I'm a smoker and I don't think you were being unreasonable in the slightest! Many, many smokers don't smoke in their own homes, the ones I know of would never smoke in their own bedrooms nevermind someone elses.

Don't let her stay again. She was being rude, selfish and immature

All she had to do for free accommodation and food was follow a simple rule, instead she disrespected you and your home.

is it a bit harsh? Maybe
Is it a good lesson? Yes
will she think twice before stinking up someone else’s home? Most probably

your mistake was asking her to come back… now she is “punishing you” by guilting you and sleep on a floor.

leave her there and don’t have to stay again. Cheeky mare!

YWNBU at all apart from asking her to come back. Blatant lack of respect for you and your home. Rude bastard!

Interested to hear replies. My brother and my mum are like this.

I will repeatedly say close the balcony door if you smoke. They just can't do it. Every time they stand with it open and it blows back in. I just can't understand why a simple instruction cannot be followed. And why I have to repeat it. And when I do why its met with rolling eyes. Its my house. I try saying it in different ways, would you mind, don't forget etc. And I'm met with 'oh are you still doing that are you' with a negative tone. I should add too, I have a respiratory condition. I don't invite them over often.

She possibly wants you to beg her to come back and to say she can smoke in the house. I think she was out of order to smoke in the kitchen and in the bedroom especially when you told her not to. Keep strong!

She sounds dreadful. You did the right thing.

Why are you friends with this Very aggressive, confrontational, awkward, selfish, bullying person?

You were right to have her leave

Why do you think that?

Nah, she outstayed her welcome for multiple reasons, not just the smoking. She has somewhere to stay, so just write it - and her - off.

OP - she's aggressive, bullying, confrontational and more.

None of those things sit well with a great friendship.

She seems to have done a great job on you to make you feel guilty and obligated.

Well done for asking her to leave. I'd continue to work on your self esteem in terms of this 'friendship' and loosen ties with her.

I do feel incredibly guilty. I've known her my whole life. It's caused all kinds of issues and I feel awful that she's now sleeping on the floor on cushions, even though her actions caused all this.

Your house your rules. I would never ever let anyone smoke in my house, I had a chain smoker relative visiting and she was sent outside. I’m an ex smoker myself.

You are being extremely unreasonable for feeling guilty about setting a healthy and perfectly normal boundary.

She clearly is no friend!

I’m a smoker and I’d never dream
of smoking in someone else’s home.

I think perhaps texting telling her not to come back was a bit harsh if it was in response to an apology from her, but she doesn’t sound very nice - so sod it.

She is a very tricky person anyway. Very aggressive, confrontational, awkward, selfish, bullying at the best of times

It doesn’t sound as if you particularly like her or that she is a friend, so I wouldn’t feel bad about the friendship ending based on this alone. Smoking in the house would also be a definite no from me as well.