Absolutely fuming with H for commenting on DD's eyes

[fumingh]

DD 4 has deep tear troughs. She just does.

So does my H ! She has it from him. I have asked the doc about it, nothing aside from making sure she's hydrated helps apparently.

In any case, he's fucking convinced it's because I don't moisturise her under eye area as much as I should.

I do put cream on her once a day, sometimes at bed time too. But he's never there to see it.

He constantly goes on about it. Not in an obvious way in front of her, but he'll make sure I know what he means. Like saying stuff like ' did you put cream on ? ' whenever he comes home from work and sees her. He says, you need to put cream on. Again, DD doesn't know he means that or her. But it really annoys me because he just keeps saying it.

First of all, I do it. Second of all, it doesn't make any difference, it's just her face- so why does he need to keep going on about it ?

I blew up tonight. I think it's a really shit thing to keep pointing out and it makes me really angry.

Does she have any allergies, hayfever etc?
my son always had terrible dark rings under his eyes as a little one. They are known as allergy shiners. Congestion can cause them too.
Hes 13 now and they are all gone

It sounds like he’s insecure about his eyes and is trying to protect your daughter from the same (albeit through you doing the creaming).

Maybe some reassurance that you know it’s important to him and always include it in her morning/bedtime routine.

Sometimes when people are a bit paranoid or controlling, it helps them if you ask how to do whatever it is. Perhaps he could show you how he wants it done and you can pretend to be incredibly impressed and promise to do it his way. Then go about doing what you normally do 😂 Annoying but may stop him from asking you all the time!

FFS stop doing what he tells you to do, tell him to address whatever his issues are about himself & DD

Cream does nothing for deep tear troughs
its a hollow undeneath the eye because of a lack of fat cream won’t solve it unless it’s caused by skin pigmentation
the only thing that sorted my hollows was surgery but then I’m 45
some kids get them because of iron deficiencies has she been tested ? If not most likely she will grow out of them as she gets older.

That's not your portrayal in your Op and I just don't believe you.

I have asked the doc about it, nothing aside from making sure she's hydrated helps apparently.

Helps what?
Why would you ask your GP about something that's, in your words, "just her face"?

You proved yourself to also see an issue with these lines.

*The moisturising has nothing to do with how she looks.

It's because she's prone to eczema and her skin can get dry. That's it. Doctor recommended the routine we have.*

So she has dry skin / eczema under her eyes? Is that why are you putting eczema cream around her eyes?! Or are you doing it because your husband mistakenly thinks that the cream will improve her deep tear troughs, and you are doing it to appease him even though you know it will make no difference?! (and therefore playing an active role in potentially giving her a complex about it).

Some do depending on your ethnicity 🙄

Also, I think the fact you've used the term "tear trough" and described them as deep shows you think they are an issue.
This term is a beauty industry gas light to try and generate £££ to make women correct something that isn't actually wrong. It's not a term for a 4 year old child.

Eye cream on a 4 year old? WTF! I hope you have researched the ingredients in this eye cream as most commercial eye creams would be way too harsh for a 4 year olds skin. I've never heard of anyone moisturising their child's skin either. Just tell your DH to stop being so fucking stupid. If eye cream eliminated tear troughs then he wouldn't have the them himself would he. Sounds like your dd is 100% likely to have a hang up about her face if he carrys on.

@Hungrycaterpillarsmummy no sorry you're wrong. I asked the GP because it's not just lines, it's also dark circles.

But that's what it is. I don't think it's an issue.

You said it was for dry skin/eczema ?

It's not eye cream. I also don't specifically put it under her eyes. I just moisturise her face.

It's not that weird to moisturise a child.

She doesn't have eczema under her eyes. She is just prone for it on her face, which is why I moisturise.

It's not that weird to moisturise a child

Many would disagree with this. Including me.

Guys you know what. I'm even more pissed off now.

Everyone reading stuff into what I'm saying, accusing me of stuff, trying to catch me out.

My Dd is beautiful and I don't think there's a problem.

I put cream on her face, not specifically on her eyes, because she's is prone to dry skin and also, because that's just what has always happened in my family. I thought everyone did this with their children.

I'm no longer though to look at this because I've been upset with my husband tonight and I'm upset for my child and I really didn't think I would be accused of also doing wrong by my precious child. I'm just done. Good night.

Nobody with a kid who gets eczema would though. Wonderful yours don’t, but perhaps you can comprehend that others have different kids (many others, eczema is common these days)

Don’t worry about all the inane comments op! The thing to do here is to never ever let him get away with saying it again. You need to deathstare every time, say do you not trust me as a mother? Do you not believe she’s your child with your genetic traits? Is that what this is about? Have you put cream on your face?

But your OP specifically stated that your DH doesn't think you are moisturising under her eyes as much as you should to help her tear troughs. Nothing to do with eczema

never moisturised my kids. Moisturiser doesn’t make under eye hollows go away. Sometimes dark circles are caused by lack of sleep and/or allergies. Neither of which are treated by moisturiser

I don't understand what I've walked into here. The ignorance 😳 and the blanket 'no child needs moisturising' and 'I've never known anyone who moisturises a baby'. Little Englanders all over the shop.
He is being an absolute prick @fumingh and you need to have a long, hard think here. He will give her a complex. Her dad is supposed to be the one man in her world who loves her unconditionally. It helps to not point out perceived flaws. You need a serious chat about this, her self esteem will be battered before she even starts nursery at this rate.
To add to the chorus... I OILED my children. All over. Sorry if that triggers anyone.

Sorry this has gone so shouty. Just chiming in to say YANBU and
why is your H so fixated on this
why is he so convinced that there is something that should be done and you are not doing it
i think he’s being a real cunt

How is he otherwise? Is he usually kind and supportive and does his share or do you end up getting blamed for everything and made to feel responsible for everything at home and with DC? If this is a one off it might be that he feels guilty and prefers to think it would be fixed if you just moisturized more. Very shitty behaviour but how you approach this with him may vary based on if this is a one off issue or part of a wider pattern. If you find yourself automatically dismissing it's anything but a one off try and sit with the idea for a few days, sometimes it's hard to see what's really going on because we're so used to the status quo and automatically behave in a way that reduces the chance of the maladaptive behaviour occuring.

The. op. Has. Said. About. 50. Times. Now. That. She. Thinks. The. Tear. Troughs. Are. Genetic. And. That. It. Is. Her. Dh. Continually. Asking. If. She’s. Moisturised. Them.
she has also said that she always moisturised their faces, nothing to do with the tear troughs, but a lot to do with eczema prone skin. I chase my 9yo around the house trying to get him to put cream on his eczema prone skin so it doesn’t get worse.
perhaps the op can share his email address so all these people with reading difficulties can target the only person who thinks cream will change someone’s face shape. He might actually benefit from hearing this over and over, rather than the op who would love to scream it at her husband. CREAMS ARENT GOING TO CHANGE HER FACE SHAPE YOU ASSHOLE. That’s what she thinks.

@fumingh OP, are you certain that the doctor didn't mean making sure she drinks plenty of water - that kind of hydrated? Cream won’t do anything