Absolutely fuming with H for commenting on DD's eyes

[fumingh]

DD 4 has deep tear troughs. She just does.

So does my H ! She has it from him. I have asked the doc about it, nothing aside from making sure she's hydrated helps apparently.

In any case, he's fucking convinced it's because I don't moisturise her under eye area as much as I should.

I do put cream on her once a day, sometimes at bed time too. But he's never there to see it.

He constantly goes on about it. Not in an obvious way in front of her, but he'll make sure I know what he means. Like saying stuff like ' did you put cream on ? ' whenever he comes home from work and sees her. He says, you need to put cream on. Again, DD doesn't know he means that or her. But it really annoys me because he just keeps saying it.

First of all, I do it. Second of all, it doesn't make any difference, it's just her face- so why does he need to keep going on about it ?

I blew up tonight. I think it's a really shit thing to keep pointing out and it makes me really angry.

Never heard of putting moisturiser on a kids face!

he’s being very unreasonable, and if he cares so much - he should do it.

Have you pointed out to your husband that she has inherited it from him and therefore no amount of moisturiser is going to make a blind bit of difference to the shape of her face. God what an annoying man he sounds.

My mum moisturised us daily too.

Moisturising is not a big deal.

I also moisturise my kids after a bath. It's not that weird.

It is a bit. Putting unnecessary chemicals on a child’s delicate skin is not needed.

Anyway your DH sounds like an intolerable idiot.

I’m not entirely sure what tear troughs are if im being honest but I can’t see how moisturiser would help them.

If she has inherited it from him, and he is very insecure about his own eyes, maybe he is keen to try and prevent her having those insecurities herself?

I think he may be going about that the wrong way then!

I never moisturised any of my 3 children's faces except sometimes dc3 as he was prone to eczema

Moisturiser won't do anything for tear troughs, adults have filler there to minimise it if moisturiser worked then filler wouldn't be necessary

For some children it is, but it doesn't have to be chemicals
My ex has moisturised or been moisturised ever since birth, he always uses coconut oil or a mix of other oils. After every shower, every day

It's like saying people need to wash their hair every other day and ignoring the fact that Afro hair exists, not everyone is white, and skin needs different treatment
It gets dry and ashy without being moisturised

He needs to stop talking about this in front of her, now. She's not a baby any longer, and one of these days she will put 2 and 2 together and understand that he thinks there's something wrong with her face. The effect of knowing your parent is judging you for something you have no control over is much worse than any tear trough could ever be!

I always moisturized ds.

I'm thinking those of you who don't are white.

Also I didn't know what tear troughs were, just googled it and myself and my DD have them and it has never occurred to me to use a cream on her for it, it's just her eyes!!

How come he is never around for bedtime @fumingh

Cream doesn't work for them!! Mine are deep now in my 50s and even filler didn't work , I wasted hundreds of pounds.
He is nuts

Children don't need moisturiser.

OMG I googled to see what deep tear troughs were as I had no idea. I was hesitant as I was expecting something gruesome. I cannot believe that this a thing. Your husband is being a knob. I would tell him NEVER to remark on your daughter’s eyes or any other part of her negatively again. I would cut out the cream - children don’t need under eye cream. Madness!

No it's a dry skin thing.

I used to do the same with my children and they still moisturise themselves as adult males.

I'm very white well maybe some Mediterranean/ middle eastern on my mum's side.

We moisturise the children's skin after a bath otherwise they get dry sore skin, I assumed lots of people who live in hard water areas did.

Also do it to their faces in the winter too help with wind chapping.

Which reminds me must buy some more coconut oil!

Everytime he mentions cream, just silently hand him the tube. It is ridiculous that he feels the need to mention it, but maybe it was something that he was teased about. But maybe talk a to him about the message his comments give the child - if your dad thinks you’re ugly because of your eyes then you are ugly. Is this how he wants her to see herself?

Never in my life heard of a tear trough 🤔. Perhaps leave her alone?

Is she black or mixed race? My dd is half Jamaican and my ex MIL has always been manic about me putting "cream" on her.

If your OH is Afro/Carribean then that might explain his feelings, but doesnt explain why he doesnt sodding well do it himself!

That is not what you said.

I have two daughters, 5 and 6. I have never put under eye cream, or any cream for cosmetic purposes, on either of them. He’s obsessed and also fucking stupid if he thinks that “cream” will change the structure of her face. I am assuming he is nagging you about creaming her eye area as the eyes are the area we are discussing. He wouldn’t be nagging you to cream her arms to improve the appearance of her eyes…

I mean, I think we've all slathered some aveeno baby or Johnson's baby lotion on as and when required but it's not a daily thing and I certainly wouldn't be targeting "deep tear troughs" whatever that hell that even means. It's essentially a crease that doesn't need to be filled. The childs face is growing. It will fill out!
It's trying to fix something the parents see as an imperfection and that's really, really sad.

We’ve never moistened children here either. If children have eczema we may do specific parts of the body but have never moistened routinely (and don’t know anyone who has). Maybe this is an area of cultural variation?)

A 4 year old doesn't need eye cream!!