Absolutely fuming with H for commenting on DD's eyes

[fumingh]

DD 4 has deep tear troughs. She just does.

So does my H ! She has it from him. I have asked the doc about it, nothing aside from making sure she's hydrated helps apparently.

In any case, he's fucking convinced it's because I don't moisturise her under eye area as much as I should.

I do put cream on her once a day, sometimes at bed time too. But he's never there to see it.

He constantly goes on about it. Not in an obvious way in front of her, but he'll make sure I know what he means. Like saying stuff like ' did you put cream on ? ' whenever he comes home from work and sees her. He says, you need to put cream on. Again, DD doesn't know he means that or her. But it really annoys me because he just keeps saying it.

First of all, I do it. Second of all, it doesn't make any difference, it's just her face- so why does he need to keep going on about it ?

I blew up tonight. I think it's a really shit thing to keep pointing out and it makes me really angry.

My dm was a bit like this about my eyebrows, she didn't want me to inherit my father's bushy eyebrows so she'd smooth them with her thumb. Every time she saw them she'd reach over and smooth them. But basically that was just a constant reminder that they looked bushy (to her) in that moment.

Does your husband want your daughter to constantly be reminded "my dad thinks my eyes are ugly"?

Luckily I realised from a young age my dm is bonkers and my eyebrows are fine. But I could have got insecure about it

What's a tear trough? Do you mean bags under her eyes? Just leave her alone for goodness sake. She's 4!

And it's similarly bonkers to your H because smoothing your eyebrows with your thumb does not affect how bushy they are. They just spring back into bushiness the moment you take your hand away.

Similarly, putting cream on a tiny child's face to try and change how it looks is also bonkers

I think he thinks that her eyes are like that because I don't moisturise her face, according to him.

Jeez! I had to look this up. I have this, my 4 year old DS takes after me and does too. CBA faffing with useless creams myself for it, nevermind on him! Chance of stingy eyes if they get rub it in too. Suncream on a sunny day is all her happy little 4 year old face needs.

Totally agree.

If cream doesnt make a difference, why are you putting it on at all? Before long she will be old enough to pick up on the fact that her face isn't considered good enough as it is.

Is he stupid in general or just about this? Most people do not put cream on small children’s faces. Why does he think this is normal?

She does not need eye cream. Stop any focus on the non existent problem or she’ll pick up on it and believe there’s something wrong with her.

Why on earth does he think you would lie about it?

Moisturising her skin as part of her bath time routine is a good thing. I always did it with my sons. Out the bath, dried off, Johnson's lotion in that pink bottle I think it was. Might be wrong, it was 20 + years ago. Smelled gorgeous. I digress. Your husband's a tit.

Eh I've always moisturised my children's faces. I don't think that's weird ? It's not about changing how it looks, I thought it was healthy. Also DD is prone to eczema. It's just always been part of my routine.

Nothing to do with the bags. Most children I know have a face wash and some moisturiser on..

He’s nuts. What is a cream going to do? Nothing. Why is it your job? It isn’t. What a fool he is being about this.

I have this. No one ever said it made me ugly. Far from it actually.

Tell him to sod off.

Yeah, he's silly (to put it mildly).

Moisturiser doesn't change what you look like. If your dd's eyes are deep set, that's mostly a bone structure thing.

Just like pressing your eyebrows won't change what they grow like. It's a hair follicle thing.

I just pity anyone who looks at their child and doesn't see perfection. My children genuinely look like the most beautiful creatures in the world to me. I honestly look at them and other kids and I think gosh, my kids are more beautiful than any other. Surely it's natural for parents to feel that way

But no one moisturises their children’s face! Does he think everyone else does and that’s why their kids don’t have these lines?

I think you need to stand up to him on this. Tell him to go speak to a Dr if he needs reassurance that your 4 year old doesn’t need eye cream 🙄

No, most children don't have their faces moisturised. Why would people be putting unnecessary products on their child's sensitive young skin?

@TarantinoIsAMisogynist it is healthy. Especially for children prone to eczema and dry skin.

More to the point, maybe, why is she having cream put on? Is it prescribed? Does she need it?

Or are you putting it on just to placate your husband?

You say it doesn't make a difference so just stop putting it on her (and tell your husband to STFU)!

His behaviour sounds appalling.
I'm sure your child is gorgeous.
Incidentally though, does she have any allergies? Nasal congestion? Tendency to snore?
I ask because I brought my DS aged 4 to the GP for something unrelated and he pointed out that his slight tendency to dark circles under his eyes is related to URT congestion due to mild allergies. It's much better when we use a nasal spray as directed.

No one I know puts cream on their kid's face, except sun block.

Unless it really is particularly dry and we've been out in a strong wind, they don't get dry faces.

If she's prone to eczema and has the eye thing then I would consider allergies. Could be genetic too.

Putting a cream on your face isn't going to change an inherited feature.

3 teens here and I've never moisturised any of their faces. Water and a flannel, suncream on a sunny day, that's it.

Johnson's baby lotion.
That's what I used on my kids.
I thought most parents used stuff like that on their kids tbh.

What cream are you putting on her face?

The only cream I have ever put on my children is sun cream.

@IncompleteSenten I use stuff for eczema.

My mum always moisturised our faces, every day. All kids in my family have moisturised faces.

No, they really don't. I don't know anyone who puts anything other than suncream on their child's face.