Dd keeps saying she feels like she has done something wrong

[Whatabeautifulsunset]

Starting to feel worried.
My Dd is 6 in summer and has been saying multiple times a day for a week or so that she feels like she has done something wrong. She seems so nervous and worried and keeps telling me and Dh every little thing she’s done. I’m constantly reassuring her and saying she hasn’t done anything wrong and she’s not naughty and every child does silly things sometimes and she’s just a child and learning. She gets very upset if she’s told off at school or by us, it’s never harsh and she seems to be ultra sensitive and nervous. Feeling like a crap parent and that we must be coming down too hard on her, really don’t feel I do and her teacher at school said she reacts v badly to any perceived telling off/criticism. She’s also been pointing out people and saying they look horrible because they have spots and she’s scared or they’re fat. She has never once spoken or acted like this before. She will keep coming and telling me things she said to her friend months ago and saying she feels as though she’s done something wrong.
Please can anyone tell me what might be wrong and what we can do to help her? It’s all v out of character 😔

I’m worried about adhd/autism, does it sound like this? She doesn’t seem carefree just very worried

Really not sure what could be causing it but it does sound like something to be addressed. Hopefully just a phase, perhaps since starting school?

Have you tried asking her directly?

Has she heard someone else saying this phrase? It sounds emotionally aware for a 6 year old.

I had a friend in junior school who had picked up “well how do you think it makes ME feel?!” and enjoyed using it for a while.

@WhatNext24 I talk to her about it all the time and she can’t really explain it just says she has a feeling like she’s been naughty or has done something wrong, it just comes out of nowhere

@OriginalUsername2 No I don’t think so, she can’t explain it further than that and looks worried when she says it

Oh I’m sorry, that’s such a worry for you. There should be someone you can talk to at school re the ASD suspicion, who can put you on the path for assessment…

To me, it sounds like one of the other children at school may have frightened her? Saying that she’ll get in trouble, go to jail etc? Or had she been watching something that could be worrying her?

Hope the holidays help her. I might consider play therapy to see if there’s something bothering her…

My DD had a phase like this (bit older, around 9/10). She's an anxious, sensitive type. It seems to have passed now. We just gave her reassurance, repeatedly.

The rude comments about people's appearance are of course wrong, and should be clamped down on.

I was like this, except the pointing out people due to spots although I hated to be touched and found other people incredibly gross.

Mine started around a similiar age and turned into full blown OCD.
The guilty thoughts forced me to try to seek external reassurance and "confessing" brought me huge relief.

I confessed EVERYTHING and would cry myself to sleep over anything I thought I had done wrong.

I needed therapy (which I didn't get) or another form of help.
Because my parents didn't intervene, I am now an adult with quite severe anxiety and I struggle with agoraphobia.

I will say that my home life was very turbulent and abusive and highly religious, which is why my OCD started.
But people don't necessarily need trauma to have these struggles.

I would be making sure there hasn't been an event that has triggered this for her though.

My honest advice is PLEASE take this seriously, even if you have to find the money to get her seen privately.

My OCD ruined my teen and young adult years and I am much better now, but I do believe it all could have been avoided.

Also doing a bit of research into intrusive and impulsive thoughts may help you too.

I wish you both the very best of luck with this!

Keep talking to her and re assuring her.

There could be another child in school telling her she will get into trouble and this could be playing on her mind.

There is something worrying her, don’t go down the oh she must get a diagnosis. More understand something is worrying her and causing her to be anxious and she’s scared, you need to find out why,

I ask this gently are you habitually punishing her?

@Sapphire387 Yes, exactly, but she’s not even saying it in a rude way, she was looking at people in the supermarket today and looking worried and saying to me that someone had spots all round their face and looked horrible and was scared. Dh and I said to her how someone looks doesn’t make them horrible and that there’s nothing horrible about being fat or spotty or thin..,or whatever and that we’re all different. She’s recently started saying things when watching tv, like she doesn’t like that one as they’re fat, she has never even seemed to notice this before, it’s really strange

What’s happening with her friendships at school? And do you and your husband ever make comments like this in front of her and as asked, do uou punish her? As you maybe going too far.

It might be a sign of autism. The agonising over every social interaction, feeling out of place, awkward, like your foot is always in your mouth is an autistic trait.

The sensitivity to being corrected as well- mostly because the rules can seem contradictory and nonsensical. Like when it is ok to lie- very confusing 🫤 to an autistic child.

“Did you have a nice time with Nana?” (Smiling while collecting from Nana)
Child: “No, I was bored and their dog smells like dirty socks”
“OMG that is soooo rude. Tell your Nana you had a lovely time visiting”
“But I didn’t have a nice or lovely time?”
”You should be polite and thank your Nana for letting you visit.”
”You mean lie?”
”Its not lying”
”How is it not lying ?!”

I had this aged 7 or 8 and it was OCD. I remember writing a note to my teddy which said whatever you do, I will always love and forgive you. I needed my mum to say that to me,but could never ask her as it would be cheating and wouldn't count.
It can be a sub-type of 0CD called scrupulosity.

I am also autistic.

Has she seen something that worried her? Or heard something? Sounds like she has gone into very anxious mode and is getting caught up in anxious thoughts.

@Gilbertwasawuss This is what I was thinking it may be as she keeps needing to tell us and went said it’s ok she’s not done anything wrong and we don’t need to know. She’s been unwell recently (v constipated) and she had the same a couple of years ago and also had strange behaviour, feeling scared and bad dreams etc…but I’m not sure how this could be causing it

I agree, get her assessed, none of us can say what it is for sure, but I think many of us agree it is serious enough to warrant further investigation and a gentle approach to parenting until you know why she is like this and what will help her.

Religious school?

@Theweepywillow We’ve never done punishments of any sort, we do talk to her/gentle telling off if something happens, but she’s never even bothered by it normally. I’m feeling so guilty in case we’ve somehow caused this unintentionally. She’s been off school ill for a while and was very hysterical not to go in and sometimes not wanting to leave the house as she felt sick and was worried about feeling sick when out, it all seems to have escalated. It’s like everything bothers her at the moment, very aware of bugs and insects scaring her, everything seems a problem

I think it's worth investigating what she's hearing from other kids at school, or what she might have seen on TV or online, before jumping to investigations for autism. Of course it could be that... but equally somebody could have said something that is worrying her and has upset her.

"Scrupulosity", blimey - I was like this at that age. Genuinely afraid that if I misbehaved my mother would tell me she didn't love me any more, but I also couldn't ask her!

But I was emetophobic (nobody knew that was it was called in 1980) and developing contamination OCD then anyway. To this day I dissolve at the slightest bit of criticism and wring my hands believing I'm a pointless person nobody likes.

@SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice Shes very sociable normally, confident and lots of friends

The very best thing you can do is find an amazing child psychologist.

They have the tools to figure out what is going on without causing things to get worse. They will tell you next steps and whether it is a phase that needs support, or possibly cause for concern and extended help.

I cannot stress to you enough, that my parents doing nothing to help me absolutely changed the course of my life.

So many things in your OP are exactly what I and other (especially girls) present with OCD at that age.

Although.... can constipation cause similiar symptoms to UTI'S?
I don't know much about this, but I know UTI's can cause behaviour changes.

Is the constipation being medically supervised by your GP? How serious is it?

Another voice saying I was similar as a child and now have OCD.