Dd keeps saying she feels like she has done something wrong

[Whatabeautifulsunset]

Starting to feel worried.
My Dd is 6 in summer and has been saying multiple times a day for a week or so that she feels like she has done something wrong. She seems so nervous and worried and keeps telling me and Dh every little thing she’s done. I’m constantly reassuring her and saying she hasn’t done anything wrong and she’s not naughty and every child does silly things sometimes and she’s just a child and learning. She gets very upset if she’s told off at school or by us, it’s never harsh and she seems to be ultra sensitive and nervous. Feeling like a crap parent and that we must be coming down too hard on her, really don’t feel I do and her teacher at school said she reacts v badly to any perceived telling off/criticism. She’s also been pointing out people and saying they look horrible because they have spots and she’s scared or they’re fat. She has never once spoken or acted like this before. She will keep coming and telling me things she said to her friend months ago and saying she feels as though she’s done something wrong.
Please can anyone tell me what might be wrong and what we can do to help her? It’s all v out of character 😔

I think it sounds like ocd. Have a look at different ocd types, having to confess to things or thinking she has done something wrong can be symptoms.

I wouldn’t know, I’m sorry, I don’t know much about OCD. What I was trying to say was that physical illness (especially that messes with the gut) can show up in behaviour, so I wondered if that could have triggered this anxiety.

It definitely couldn’t hurt to help her digestive system get back into synch and may well help calm the anxiety down, but I’d definitely be engaging with an ocd specialist/child psychologist too and asking how best to handle it.

PANDAS can cause OCD symptoms, I've known a couple of children with it. Flares up after illnesses/infections but it does eventually go. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/pandas#:~:text=PANDAS%20is%20short%20for%20Pediatric,strep%20throat%20or%20scarlet%20fever.

Please, please ignore the people trundling out the ASD/ADHD diagnoses. They may be right; they may be wrong. They are NOT experts. I am so tired of it.

Your daughter's guilt is masking something, including perhaps a wish to do something that she hasn't yet done. The psyche works like that. Is there something she is angry about (perhaps to the point of rage) that she feels she's unable to express, for example? That is more likely.

I was a therapist.

I was going to suggest this and now you've said she's had similar last time she was constipated it may not be toxins as such but there's starting to be more research done on how the gut affects mood.
https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/the-brain-gut-connection

I had OCD as a child and strongly suspect I have inattentive ADHD (waiting on tests). (Also have dyslexia and dyscalculia)

As a child I was constantly exhausted with worries. It's fantastic she can tell you her worries, don't beat yourself up, I couldn't tell my mother my worries because she would be scathing and belittling. I'd honestly find a good child phycologist, because she's not having a 'normal' childhood and it will impact her adulthood if things aren't addressed now.

Also an 80's child. Your childhood sounds very similar. Wish we could have parented ourselves and avoided the awful loneliness.

I teach children of this age and my initial thoughts when I started reading were possibly that they were traits of female with autism In my experience toiletting can also be an issue for some children with Autism. However I think it’s important not to panic or rush to diagnose. I think it’s also good to remember this is just about trying to better understand your daughter so you can support her with her needs. Wether this is behaviour, anxiety or neuro diversity she is still the same little girl

It could be worth trying child-friendly probiotics as well as seeking support as gut bacteria can have a huge impact on mental health.

Same for me. I had a compulsive need to 'confess' every little thing as a child and felt an overwhelming guilt and sense of responsibility. Took until my late twenties before I was finally diagnosed with OCD, which made all the pieces fall into place. This sounds very similar to that, although at 6 it is, of course, early days. Some reassurance: I've had therapy and take a low dose SSRI, but am able to live a happy, well-functioning life.

The gut issues are also linked with OCD/anxiety, they are all comorbidities. I have the same thing. I didn't read the whole thread (I know rtft) but your concern about making it worse talking to someone professional, no I don't think so, I wish I'd had someone to talk to and share the scary thoughts in my head to make sense of them.

Have a look into PANDAS/PANS

My DD has just gone through exactly this - starting with constipation which we assumed was a medical problem, leading into the anxiety, confessing and intrusive thoughts. She has seen a counsellor now for a few months and the differences were seen straight away. I wouldn't hesitate. I understand you don't want to make her feel like you think there's something wrong, I felt the same, but it got to the stage where she was saying very frightening things like thinking about self harming due to the intrusive thoughts so I panicked and I'm so glad I did. She is pretty much back to normal now and has coping techniques for times when she starts to feel the OCD trying to come back. Feel free to PM me if you like.

I confessed EVERYTHING and would cry myself to sleep over anything I thought I had done wrong.

I was exactly like this. I was diagnosed with OCD as an adult.

Poor wee thing.

L Cohen's 'playful parenting' is a fab book on how to help kids work through worries using play - perfect for this age. Pillow fights, rough and tumble play, can all help defuse tension and anxiety, and encouraging a child to act out her fears/worries with role play or dolls etc can really help - parents can do a great job helping this.

To start with, you can take the worst thing and make a joke of it - use funny voices etc. But let her lead and let her know it's all okay to play out - even if she wants to be nasty or say horrible things or throw her dolls down the stairs, that's okay. So one doll could say the other looks horrible, etc

Sorry if I’m repeating advice, I just saw your first post and I’m off to bed in a sec. It sounds like OCD. I’ve behaved like this in the past when I’ve felt physically or mentally low in general. I would constantly feel like I’d done something bad and confess all these imaginary sins and seek reassurance. There’s a good book called The OCD Workbook with some advice for families (e.g. the more you reassure her, the more she’ll need/seek reassurance.) I’m sure you haven’t done anything wrong, though, and she’s lucky that you’re being so proactive x

No OP. That's the other way around.
Brining her to a psychologist will be the starting point to relieve her anxiety.
It won't go away.
I agree with previous posters It really sounds like OCD. I have a very close family member and it's very similar to what you described. She also started at that age. Don't delay brining her to a child psychologist.

@eyespartyparty How old was your Dd? Was it linked to the constipation?

Sounds like the intrusive thoughts that were part of my child’s ocd which presented when they were a little older, but certainly showed signs of at that age.
This book was very useful

Haven’t RTFT but please read up on PANDAS - especially if she’s had tonsillitis or scarlet fever recently. (And ignore anyone who tells you it’s a controversial diagnosis)

In a nutshell: most commonly presents as OCD / tics (sometimes other symptoms) following a strep infection. Not very widely recognised on NHS but that is changing. Have a look at https://panspandasuk.org and PM me if you need more info.

Don't know if this is relevant, but I used to work for a disabled lady who suddenly started behaving strangely and then had hallucinations - turned out it was all down to severe constipation. Apparently, that can result in some very strange behaviour.

Hi OP,
Do you know if your daughter’s constipation was due to being scared to poo? One slightly painful bowel movement can make an anxious child start to withhold stool. My anxious DS went through this even after he was toilet trained. Consider looking into whether stool withholding is the source of your DD’s constipation issues. There is lots of information out there.

You need to tell her that everyone does things wrong, all anyone can do is try their best, no one is perfect.

Perfectly explained

The gut and the brain are so closely connected. I have severe anxiety and inflammatory bowel disease, and it's a real chicken-and-egg situation for me because I often genuinely can't tell whether the sensations i'm experiencing are originating in my gut or my mind - I can be suddenly overwhelmed with free-floating anxiety, desperately racking my brain for where it's sprung from, and an hour later I need to run to the loo and then the anxiety evaporates. My teenager has similar (currently undiagnosed but waiting to see an IBD specialist) with anxiety and nausea. Have a chat to your GP about it all. I hope it resolves soon for her, bless her. It sounds like such a worry for you.