Dd keeps saying she feels like she has done something wrong

[Whatabeautifulsunset]

Starting to feel worried.
My Dd is 6 in summer and has been saying multiple times a day for a week or so that she feels like she has done something wrong. She seems so nervous and worried and keeps telling me and Dh every little thing she’s done. I’m constantly reassuring her and saying she hasn’t done anything wrong and she’s not naughty and every child does silly things sometimes and she’s just a child and learning. She gets very upset if she’s told off at school or by us, it’s never harsh and she seems to be ultra sensitive and nervous. Feeling like a crap parent and that we must be coming down too hard on her, really don’t feel I do and her teacher at school said she reacts v badly to any perceived telling off/criticism. She’s also been pointing out people and saying they look horrible because they have spots and she’s scared or they’re fat. She has never once spoken or acted like this before. She will keep coming and telling me things she said to her friend months ago and saying she feels as though she’s done something wrong.
Please can anyone tell me what might be wrong and what we can do to help her? It’s all v out of character 😔

I would be concerned about OCD/anxiety as well - the guilt, confessing and the concern about contamination from spots/fatness. A PP suggested play therapy and maybe thinking about age appropriate ways to deal with anxious thoughts? (I never had this support growing up so don’t even know what that would be but I am sure it exists!)

My OCD flairs up if I’m tired etc so could be linked to her recent illness. Gut and digestion are very closely linked to mood and anxiety so her anxiety could also be causing constipation.

Not a religious school, nothing religious in our lives at all
What can I do to help her before going to a psychologist? I don’t want to put even more stress on her
It just seems so complicated for a 5 year old, it’s worrying me so much, just want it to pass

I think you should ask your GP for a referral to psychology for her. I hope this doesn't alarm you but changes in behaviour like this can be a red flag for abuse particularly sexual abuse. Hopefully it's something like anxiety that she may grow out of, but I do think you need a professional's input here.

I'm going to add to the possibility of OCD. My DD has OCD and this kind of behaviour was the reason we sought help. Aged 7 - so pretty young. She's 17 now and still experiences it. She's also having an assessment for ASD. Take it seriously - you almost certainly haven't done anything wrong but she might need a bit of help to understand what's going on in her head.

Is there any possibility that an adult or older child asked her to do something or did something to her and told her not to tell anyone because it was wrong/naughty and it was her fault?

@Marmiteontoastgirlie Its not contamination from spots etc, it seems to be she’s scared by the way they look

So is my autistic DD. She is really good at masking. I missed all the other signs because she didn’t fit that one trait, she wasn’t diagnosed until she was 18. One sign was lots of casual friends but no very close friends.

An assessment by a child psychologist isn’t going to go looking for autism or any one condition- they will run tests to see if anything is flagged up from OCD to ASD to ADHD to GAD.

I confessed EVERYTHING and would cry myself to sleep over anything I thought I had done wrong.

You may know already, but in case not, have you heard of the religious (likely OCD) illness scrupulosity? It is well known and I think this is what you had. It has its routes in trauma, but this is the outlet it finds.

I would be concerned that there's something she's not telling you - that she wants the response you're giving to her 'confessions' but really she wants it in relation to the thing she's not telling you about if that makes sense? Whether it's something she thinks she's done wrong, or something someone else has done, or some sort of event that has triggered OCD type behaviour like PP have said.

Have you tried sitting in her bedroom in the dark with her so you can't see each other and seeing if she'll talk to you better that way? I remember DM doing that with me and just letting me talk into the darkness when she knew there was something bothering me - it takes away that angst of looking at someone's face while you're talking and trying to see what they're thinking.

Just a thought to look at Pandas
Has she had a sore throat recently ? Strep A can get into the brain, cause inflammation and cause OCD symptoms quickly.

If they get the right antiobiotics
(After being tested for it ) it can quite easily be resolved , problems are only if diagnosis are after 3 years
Friend been though this not me, so apologies if this sounds a bit disjointed !

@GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut Yes, I’ve said to her is there something she wants to talk about or something that she feels she’s done wrong in anyway, she can’t explain. It just seems to be everything at the moment

@MeinKraft Shes only ever with Dh and I/supervised by us when with others etc, I don’t see how anything could happen

I would try to talk about it as little as possible, try to dial it right down. You are reinforcing it by talking about it.

Instead talk about all the things she does well and also talk about times you make a mistake - not in a heavy way, just 'oh dear, did I forget to buy butter? I will make a note to get some tomorrow. Well, we all make mistakes.'

It is important not to overreact, kids can go through funny phases.

Also the feeling of having done something wrong may actually be any of a variety of stress feelings but she has limited ability to describe - is there anything going on that could be unsettling her in general? An example - just made up of course - would be that you have money worries, she can pick up the change in vibe, because she is six she assumes it is her fault (kids are naturally self-obsessed).

I wonder if she's feeling unwell generally because of the constipation? Bit chicken and egg, I suppose, but it's always worth checking simple causes first like dehydration, etc.

@Hooper56 No sore throat etc, but I looked up this when she was ill with the same thing two years ago, her behaviour was different then too. It seemed to resolve when she was free of the poo in her tum, currently under the Dr, it can take a while to resolve, but the only thing I can think of in relation to that is possible toxins from being impacted/constipated?

Being deeply honest, do you or your DP ever create a presence on the house with your mood? I was very much like your daughter and have experienced this anxiety as long as I remember, because my dad was someone who would make the house feel uncomfortable if he was in a mood. both my siblings and I lived nervously and full of anxiety, trying to not upset him or set him off, always on eggshells and trying to prevent the bad mood and atmosphere.

i don’t know if this is the case for you and it can be hard to look and realise sometimes but just bare it in mind

I'm sorry to hear this, I know that constipation can cause behaviour changes in the elderly the same way UTI's do. I'm not medically qualified but my GP has confirmed this when an elderly relative had this problem, very severely.
OCD can start very young too, as other posters are attesting.

I just want to add, I had this when my daughter was 7 ish, she was having intrusive thoughts and would convince herself she has done it, and then obsessively tell me. I'd leave ipad at home if I was at work, and she'd obsessively text me. It was a really hard time and I didn't know what to do.

Look at OCD intrusive thoughts. Explained her down to the tee. Maybe talk to her about thoughts in her head and no matter what they are she is not in trouble. Or write them down if she doesn't want to tell you.

This did settle over time with reassurance. She is now 15 - she has anxiety at times.

I have recently been diagnosed with ADHD and I would say she has signs of autism too. Now, she is a perfectionist. She hates sticky hands. Anything grubby to touch, and gets overwhelmed at times with chewing etc and has quite strict routines.

However, it doesn't control her life excessively. She has a normal life with a boyfriend of 2 years, has friends, pretty young girl living a fairly normal life. But traits are there.

Not sure if any of this helps but thought I'd tell you from my previous experience.

Sounds very much like OCD to me...

However, there is also a strong link between autism and OCD.

@bergamotorange Thank you, yes you’re right, I’ve been casual about it, haven’t brought it up but she has been doing a lot, I’ve mainly brushed it away and said we all make mistakes etc, I told her funny stories of me when little today and all the *Naughty things and said it’s just kids growing up etc and it’s ok

@ArabellaScott Yes the constipation issues are what started to make her feel unwell, but it was all physical, it now seems to have changed

You mentioned she was unwell recently. I agree with pp who mentioned PANS/PANDAS. It can be triggered by any sort of infection not just strep throat.

More information Here

@Behonest32 How long did it last at that age? What did you do to help her with it, did you take her to anyone?

Have a look into rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) which can also be fed by being told off or "in trouble" and also distinct anxiety.