Dd keeps saying she feels like she has done something wrong

[Whatabeautifulsunset]

Starting to feel worried.
My Dd is 6 in summer and has been saying multiple times a day for a week or so that she feels like she has done something wrong. She seems so nervous and worried and keeps telling me and Dh every little thing she’s done. I’m constantly reassuring her and saying she hasn’t done anything wrong and she’s not naughty and every child does silly things sometimes and she’s just a child and learning. She gets very upset if she’s told off at school or by us, it’s never harsh and she seems to be ultra sensitive and nervous. Feeling like a crap parent and that we must be coming down too hard on her, really don’t feel I do and her teacher at school said she reacts v badly to any perceived telling off/criticism. She’s also been pointing out people and saying they look horrible because they have spots and she’s scared or they’re fat. She has never once spoken or acted like this before. She will keep coming and telling me things she said to her friend months ago and saying she feels as though she’s done something wrong.
Please can anyone tell me what might be wrong and what we can do to help her? It’s all v out of character 😔

Thank you everyone so so much, so appreciate the feedback xx

This sounds like OCD. This can grow very easily and really take over your life. She will need a GP referral.

The very best thing you can do is find an amazing child psychologist I second this. It’s fairly common in the country where I live for children having problems/acting in a way that doesn’t seem normal developmentally etc to see a psychologist. This doesn’t seem to be the norm in the U.K. for some reason. As a parent you are simply not trained to help your children in these situations. All you can do is support them, but for piece of mind for you and to benefit them the obvious thing is to go and see someone who specialises in helping children in these situations.

I think this is great advice whils you wait for an appointment.
Well done OP for requesting an appointment asap. It's the most difficult step.

The psychologist will work with her (and you) in how to deal with these thoughts, and introducing gradual changes that will make a big impact. I can tell you, it will work out and you will see a much calmer and happy child.

Its very gradual but it will happen.
Sending you a big hug. You sound like an amazing mum. x

Very glad to read this update OP, it's the best thing you can do for her. I hope you can get an appointment for her asap.

@RinsedIfOwned , @MySocksAreDotty and @solsticelove have given some good suggestions on how to help her stay calm while waiting for the appointment. I'd also like to suggest searching for calming, anxiety relieving music on YouTube to play for her to calm down her nervous system. Avoid stimulants - sugar, stimulating tv etc while she's this agitated.

Offer chamomile tea if she'll drink it, it can be very soothing.
https://www.tealife.com.au/blogs/tea-recipes-and-journal/the-benefits-of-chamomile-tea-for-children-and-toddlers.

All the best OP, to you and your little dd💛

I learnt this from my DC... When you're otherwise a lovely child, you can sometimes get dark or mean thoughts. It doesn't mean you're a bad person - it means you're perfectly normal. There is a difference between wanting to trip someone up and actually doing it.

Maybe let her vent her bad thoughts and normalise them as just that? We all have days we feel like doing something bad or mean and it's ok - it's just whether we act on them. I suspect she felt a sense of injustice when she got hit to the point she thought she'd like to do that to someone and instantly felt guilty about it because she's actually a good person. They are getting worse because she's scared to share them. I remember a Psychologist telling me how many teachers have inappropriate thoughts about students - it's actually eyebrow-raisingly high. The important part is the tiny percentage who act on it rather than the majority who know doing anything more than thinking is completely unacceptable. It can also be a "I wonder what it would be like to" thing. Kick a cat/Stab someone/Stomp in dog poo/Eat a whole cake like Bruce Bogtrotter/Scream your head off...

Whilst you can't do the first three, doing the latter with my DC really helped ☺️

Some kids do suffer from an ability to manage criticism and it can be a symptom of Autism/ADHD but I wouldn't worry overmuch. One possible thing which is also a symptom is overtly high standards for oneself. So anything less than perfect is deemed unacceptable on a personal level (so criticism by others causes the person to beat themselves up over it).

someone pressurising her to keep secrets, with threats that she's done something wrong & will be the one "in trouble" if she tells anyone?

I feel so sorry for you and your little girl @Whatabeautifulsunset. She is obviously feeling so anxious and distressed right now and seeking help from a child psychologist is the right thing to do.

You may also want to explore play therapy. When seeking professional mental health counselling, adults are able to articulate their thoughts, fears and feelings. Children are not equipped developmentally to be able to do this but are able to freely express themselves through play. A good play therapist will be able to work with your child on expressing how they are feeling and how to manage these emotions.

Please keep us updated on how you get on and you’re doing the right thing by seeking professional input.

I just feel so sick. She managed to go to a friends birthday party with Dh today, she had fun, but she said to Dh that she felt like everyone was looking at her. She also told me she didn’t like some of the kids faces in the pool and thought they looked horrible (has never said anything like this in the past ever)
She asked me in bed tonight if I’d still love her if she made me not alive 🥲I asked why she was asking that and she did say she remembers (forgotten name) the girl from The Adam’s family poisoning her dad or something
I’m feeling it’s more and more sounding like Pans, when trying to look it up etc, feel so sick and worried that she’s having such horrible thoughts so young. I’m wondering if the Dr might not give her anything or take it seriously in terms of Pans. I’m not in the U.K. and can sometimes get medication without a prescription over the counter. Should I try her on some antibiotics to see if it makes a difference, in case it was an infection? Just don’t see how being impacted could cause this

I'm so sorry @Whatabeautifulsunset. I'm sure someone who knows more will be able to tell you but it seems that Pans can be caused by chronic inflammation which can be as a result of constipation.

I, personally, wouldn't go administering antibiotics and would probably bring her to paediatric A&E instead. Your little girl is obviously having a mental health crisis and I think needs to be properly assessed by a medical professional in order for it to be treated appropriately.

How long has it been since she has had a bowel movement?

I was going to say it sounds like OCD and see others have suggested the same.

@CountessWindyBottom Shes had a poo today and does poo everyday but in different forms-small and hard, sloppy, a good poo etc, it depends. She’s gassy and has been feeling sick all day too
Shes asleep now and ok. I’m due to go to the Drs on Monday, our family Dr. Do you really think she needs A&E, is it a mental health crisis? These comments/thoughts come and go, part of the day she was very happy and excited (her usual self) then it crashes down with this. So worried the Dr won’t take it seriously from what I’m reading

Your daughter sounds exactly like me around the age of 12, it was diagnosed extreme anxiety and also a form of OCD where you have intrusive thoughts that if you do something that could be slightly wrong you will go to prison or a family member could be hurt. I think it was triggered by my dad having an affair and the fallout from that. I highly recommend you take your daughter to the dr. However if you have any money take her to get diagnosed or assessed by a private physiatrist- you can find reputable ones who will do a two session analysis for around 200 odd pound, then take to the drs as then you have a diagnosis without having to wait years for the NHS to do it and can get therapy sooner- however that’s still unlikely so I’d go private on that too- about 80 pound an hour approx for a CBT session.

I agree it very much sounds like OCD.

I, personally, wouldn't go administering antibiotics and would probably bring her to paediatric A&E instead. Your little girl is obviously having a mental health crisis and I think needs to be properly assessed by a medical professional in order for it to be treated appropriately.

I completely agree with everything @CountessWindyBottom has said here. Yesterday you said that you hoped to bring her to a child psychiatrist next week, if you don't think you can get an appointment urgently or she's too unwell to wait, then bring her to A&E for assessment as she is having a mental health crisis and needs to be seen by professionals asap.

Please don't medicate her at home with medication she might not need. It's well known antibiotics disrupt gut microbiome so you might make her stomach problems worse by giving her medication you can't be sure she needs. Even if she does need antibiotics how could you know the correct antibiotics to use or dosage required? I think you need to focus on getting her seen straight away, let the professionals work out what's causing the mental health issues she's experiencing, they can then treat her accordingly.

I know this is very worrying but the sooner she is seen the sooner she can get the correct treatment.

I think a good exercise between now and seeing your GP is to document the examples you have written here. Please trust your intuition (it is there for a reason) and do not be fobbed off. Can someone come with you so that someone can wait with your daughter outside while you speak to the doctor?

Also, it’s not a good idea to go in and say ‘I think my daughter has Pans’. See the doctor and explain clearly all the distress your daughter is experiencing, the intrusive thoughts, the anxiety etc etc and tell them how worried you are. Then say that Pans is something you’re worried about. Ask for a full bloods panel etc.

I really hope she makes a swift recovery and gets back to herself soon xx

The comment about hurting you can also be OCD, I commented earlier about my OCD at this age. One of my intrusive thoughts was that if I fell asleep I would subconsciously hurt my family, I ended up staying awake three nights running and this is what brought me eventually to the drs and help. Women who are postpartum and have the baby blues of post partum depression can also have the same intrusive thought but about their baby. It is nothing about wanting to do it, please read up about this. She needs to be assessed by a psychiatrist not a psychologist. A psychiatrist has the medical expertise to diagnose whereas as psychologist as far as I know delivers the therapy. Also on a side note you said what can I say to her. Don’t minimise to her her thoughts “ it’s ok it will go away etc. I would instead get her to recognise yes it’s there it’s a thought but it is just that, it doesn’t mean it’s true and it’s ok to be worried about these thoughts as it must be scary but you are going to practice with her to eventually see these thoughts as just silly and they are scare her less and less with the help of some kind drs.

I’m not sure all of the posters have picked up that you’re not in the UK OP? Are you able to say where you are roughly? As that may help in terms of the advice given. A lot of the info about the NHS not relevant for example.

Hi OP sorry for delay replying re PANS. There’s a really helpful Facebook group called PANS PANDAS UK support group - suggest joining to share experiences with other families going through similar and looking for cause / solution.

I believe it can be triggered by other infections - not just strep - plus also strep doesn’t always cause sore throat.

It sounds like she might have been around some other critical children, maybe been on the receiving end of their criticism or seen another child getting it. Shes just 6 years old, very impressionable- its easy for younger children to adopt small things that have emotionally affected them into their world view. Bless her heart.
My suggestion would be to do some self esteem building with her. She isn't 'not naughty, she's fantastic. Meet her on her level- you understand that she's feeling this way and can see that she's very tuned in to others feelings, she's a great listener etc etc. Its not about how she looks (I say this because of her talking about peoples spots or weight) but what she has to offer, her skills, the effort she puts in, her unique way of thinking. Secure children don't question themselves or let others actions/words get them down.
Side note, when our 6 year old says something about a person's appearance, voice or general differences I tend to matter of factly just say something along the lines of 'yes, isn't it so cool that we all have these amazing differences, wouldn't it be so boring if we were all the same as each other'. Just reframe the criticism as a positive, because your voice will have an impact on their internal voice. When someone makes fun of their differences they'll think, yeah I am different and that's good :)

is it possible that she has ADHD? She may be suffering from rejection sensitivity or RSD. ADHD presents itself very differently in girls and they tend to not be hyper and loud like boys are they tend to internalise it and it can cause anxiety. You are not a bad parent. I feel for you

Hi @Whatabeautifulsunset I have sent you a DM

Sounds like some sort of anxiety response. Depression also causes feelings of guilt.
maybe needs to get some counseling to help her find the reason for these feelings.