Dd keeps saying she feels like she has done something wrong

[Whatabeautifulsunset]

Starting to feel worried.
My Dd is 6 in summer and has been saying multiple times a day for a week or so that she feels like she has done something wrong. She seems so nervous and worried and keeps telling me and Dh every little thing she’s done. I’m constantly reassuring her and saying she hasn’t done anything wrong and she’s not naughty and every child does silly things sometimes and she’s just a child and learning. She gets very upset if she’s told off at school or by us, it’s never harsh and she seems to be ultra sensitive and nervous. Feeling like a crap parent and that we must be coming down too hard on her, really don’t feel I do and her teacher at school said she reacts v badly to any perceived telling off/criticism. She’s also been pointing out people and saying they look horrible because they have spots and she’s scared or they’re fat. She has never once spoken or acted like this before. She will keep coming and telling me things she said to her friend months ago and saying she feels as though she’s done something wrong.
Please can anyone tell me what might be wrong and what we can do to help her? It’s all v out of character 😔

I'm a mental health nurse and as I was reading the OP I was thinking along the lines of OCD, too.

Agree with what the poster above has said, don't panic but do get her seen by a professional if this continues.

I was going to say OCD as well. I have been diagnosed since age 19 and on the surface these do sound to me like symptoms.

OP, I would suggest doing a google search of 'Pure OCD' and having a good read. There are many themes and many ways that individuals can be affected - but feelings of guilt/shame/panic coupled with obsessive rumination and reassurance seeking is common across all types of OCD.

There's lots of help and advice out there if you know where to look. I would particularly recommend Chrissie Hodges as a good start.

Sending hugs and

We are only just beginning to understand the gut - brain connection and I’m wondering if her constipation is the root cause.

Or talk with her while walking or in the car. Anything where you're side by side rather than face-to-face. Like the psychiatrist's couch, where the patient looks at the ceiling. It's a well-known tactic to promote openness.

Please listen to this poster - OCD very prevalent in my family and much better to treat early as once compulsions get worse much harder to get rid of.
your daughter is showing signs of perfectism, compulsive thoughts and anxiety which are the hallmarks of ocd.

changes in hormones, big life changes (like starting school which if she is 5/6 would be one of them). Children realise at around that age that their world is bigger than they realise and it makes them feel frightened subconsciously.

This is a useful book to look at with her at home

What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid’s Guide to Overcoming Anxiety (What-to-Do Guides for Kids Series) amzn.eu/d/01VqdtvJ

My DC was the same last year (similar age) very scared and asking for constant reassurance
about it. I also thought OCD.

I bought a book called ‘What to do when you worry too much’ (Kids Overcoming Anxiety) by Dawn Huebnor and it’s been fantastic for us. We worked through one chapter at a time and really took time to take it in.

I also got another one of hers ‘What do do when your brain gets stuck’ (Kids Overcoming OCD) but after doing the anxiety one we haven’t needed it.

Yes to this. As soon as I read this, I remembered my own little voice saying, “I’ve got bad feelings.”
I was two or three when it started, according to my late mum.

Mine too developed into OCD, intrusive thoughts and anxiety.

Poor little love. Take her to the doctor, and, if resources allow, perhaps a child psychologist?

I was a bit like this. And yes as an adult I have anxiety and panic disorder. I wonder if I also had a bit of OCD as well.

I also have a teen in my life who exhibited these symptoms around age 12/13. It turned out to be OCD. Keep an eye on it. Good to have caught it early and also nice to hear she isn't being punished or shamed for it! It can be very distressing for the child. Good luck.

Could she have had a nightmare that’s staying in her head and worrying her a lot? When I was a bit older than your DD, I had an awful nightmare that seemed utterly real. Part of it was realising there had been a deception about the world - that the world wasn’t as it appeared. That caused me anxiety for weeks if not a few months. I just couldn’t shake the feeling. A talk from my parents helped a lot and it gradually faded. The fact she’s scared of people with spots, etc, made me think of nightmares.

I wouldn’t ask her directly yet but I’d have a general chat about ‘oh, what a silly dream I had last night’ to explain that our minds make up things and they can be scary or worrying but they’re not true and just our brain’s way of sorting through thoughts or whatever.

Apart from that,I’d also watch out in case she’s heard or seen any news stories that have made her anxious, eg about murders, paedophiles, diseases, death, etc.

Please don’t panic OP. Of course, keep an eye on things and see a therapist if the situation continues. But as I said earlier, this behaviour was a phase for my daughter who is now a well-adjusted teen - though she does have an anxious streak.

As a child, I also went through a phase of OCD-type behaviour. Not the same, but I’d tell myself something bad would happen if I didn’t carry out certain rituals. I remember getting out of bed repeatedly to close wardrobe doors, line up toys, check lights were off in other parts of the house etc etc. But for me, like my daughter, this was a phase - linked to anxiety for sure, but I don’t have OCD, and I grew out of it.

However, as others have said, OCD is better treated early for sure so do keep a close eye on things. Hopefully though, just a childhood phase that will pass.

I'd try not to panic too. It's only just started so I'd try to keep an eye on things for a tiny bit longer before seeking help (not too much longer though as obviously early help is best).

Try not to make it into a big deal where she is getting a load of attention from saying it.

Have you tried asking her "what's the worst thing that could happen if the bad thing did happen"
"How would that make you feel"
"What could you do if that thing did happen"
"How likely is that to happen"
"Have you ever been in that situation before? If so what did you do then"
Ask questions about it so that she can figure out a plan rather than you. Sorting it out for her.

I'm no expert but we have been through similar with our son and that's what was recommended to do for him.

Good luck, I know you must be worried.

I actually have more bad dreams when my constipation is bad. There is actually a mind-gut connection and ties in with serotonin production and all sorts of other things there just finding out currently. By that I mean articles in medical journals, not something unproven. Googling gut-brain axis/connection brings up a lot of information if you're interested in reading it. There are tie ins to anxiety and depression, a lot of its very recent and still so much they don't know. Anxiety can also cause gut issues like constipation https://adaa.org/learn-from-us/from-the-experts/blog-posts/consumer/how-calm-anxious-stomach-brain-gut-connection
Its hard to tell sometimes which is causative. There may be underlying anxiety. A lot of what you posted in the OP can be the result of anxiety. ASD is also a possibility.

We’ve never done punishments of any sort, we do talk to her/gentle telling off if something happens, but she’s never even bothered by it normally. I’m feeling so guilty in case we’ve somehow caused this unintentionally. She’s been off school ill for a while and was very hysterical not to go in and sometimes not wanting to leave the house as she felt sick and was worried about feeling sick when out, it all seems to have escalated. It’s like everything bothers her at the moment, very aware of bugs and insects scaring her, everything seems a problem.
You could be describing my DD at that age including the being very aware of and scared about insects and buga. She has anxiety, and constipation and is Autistic. CBT for the anxiety made a big difference. Earlier on it was me talking to them with DD present but unable to speak. She has situational mutism. She did slowly get better at talking over time, but for various reasons had to change psychologists and the 4th one just clicked and I don't have to be in the room at all now. Still have a chat to her psychologist each session, but it's so much better for her now she's a bit older to be able to have that safe space to talk on her own.

Things got pretty bad for a while and she ended up needing medication, but that's tied in with her abusive Dad. She is very self aware and felt different from the other kids from a young age. That was something she fixated on a lot, wanting to know why she felt different to the other kids. This was an internal feeling and not caused by anyone outside her, it's just how she felt. The ASD diagnosis was a big relief for her, she had an explanation for how she felt and that allowed her to stop worrying about it.
As some PPs said to much reassurance can actually make anxiety worse if it is that. It might sound counter intuitive but getting lots of reassurance can make the brain think that there must be something to need reassurance about, otherwise they wouldn't keep giving reassurance. Personally Id find someone who specialises working with kids with anxiety & ND and see if therapy reduces these issues a lot or not. At the same time Id put her on an assessment waitlist for an ASD assessment. Its not unusual to have a 1.5-2 year wait. In some areas its much longer. I wasn't sure DD had ASD when I put her name on a waitlist, 12 months later I was sure and DD desperately wanted answers by then and we still had to wait another very long 6 months. If you do take her to see a psychologist make sure they specialise in working with young children. Working with children is very different from working with adults.

Apologies for derailing slightly but I've only this year (at the age of 36) realised that I have OCD, so reading all of these other experiences of growing up with symptoms is blowing my mind because I can relate so much. Like others, my parents dismissed/mocked/got fed up of me and my constant worrying & reassurance seeking. I also, like someone else, used to repeat reassuring phrases to my teddy because that's what I really needed to hear my parents say to me but didn't know how to ask.

OP, your DD is very lucky to have you.

https://www.katielear.com/child-therapy-blog/2021/7/10/intrusive-thoughts-in-children-what-they-are-amp-why-they-happen

https://www.katielear.com/child-therapy-blog/2021/8/10/how-to-help-a-child-with-intrusive-thoughts

I find these helpful explanations of intrusive thoughts in children.

I was a very anxious child, like your daughter. My mother never addressed my concerns other than to tell me off or brush it off. It turns out I’m very dyslexic and a fear of failure is a big deal with us.

I had to comment as it reminded me of me as a child so very much. Mine became full blown OCD and it ruined my teenage years.

As an adult I have also come to believe I may be autistic but have never gone on to find out.

There are therapies and techniques that can really help her.

I wouldn’t make a big deal if it to her. Just say everything is fine and change the subject

Just a thought - what's her teacher for next year like? Is she perhaps worrying because they're stricter or more shouty? My friend's little girl went to pieces before they moved up to Year 3 because it was the first time they'd be having a male teacher and she was convinced he was going to shout lots.

I'm autistic and have this general feeling of people being angry with me or strangers hating me. I have a very strong reaction to other humans, whether it be fear or disgust or an intense feeling of distance from humanity because I can't understand why they do what they do.

Has she always been anxious?

My youngest DS9 has a big constipation project and the days he’s constipated his behaviour is a mess (social interactions issues, not engaging , odd laughter etc)

I am now giving him magnesium citrate every few days , getting rid of old poo and and he’s back to his very normal self, like nothing happened

there is definitely a link between constipation and behaviour

I’d start from there

@HateMyRubbishBoss Thank you, I’m doing the magnesium citrate too, just want her back to her normal self

If you also give good quality probiotics (or Kefir) daily while old stool is going away , it might help
My kid went from awful home and school behaviour (while constipated ) with school suggesting ADHD, to becoming model student (also having kefir and kimchi daily)

great you’re giving it, I don’t know any parent who’s already aware of this 😊

My DD is 6 & autistic & the behaviours you describe are very similar to how she behaves. She is extremely sensitive to being reprimanded in any way & school was a nightmare because she became very distressed when the class were told off (even though the teacher said she was doing the right thing). She’s generally a worrier & gets very stressed out by seemingly small things. Around the age of 4 she became very scared of wasps & flies & didn’t want to go outside because of them. If I have any spots she is quite disgusted by them & will tell me to make them go away!

I’m not saying your DD is autistic because it sounds as though these issues have come on very suddenly. That being said with DD her autism has become far more pronounced as she’s got older, she was oblivious to most of these things when younger. Definitely work on addressing the constipation as I agree that will exacerbate any issues (DD is also prone).