Partner went on my phone whilst I was in the shower

[whatnowisont]

NC for this.

Long story short, I was in the shower upstairs and I came downstairs to find my partner in the garden looking very concerned. He had my phone and had been going through all of my messages.

He asked who 'Mark' was. I went on a business trip a couple of weeks ago, and I met someone called Mark who was a business colleague whom I'd never met before. We immediately clicked and I felt this rush of giddiness and intense feeling that I've neverexperienced before. I basically just really fancied him.
Just to clarify, nothing happened between the two of us it was purely kept professional but whilst I was on my travels, other than the constant eye contacts and maybe a little bit of flirting.
I was contacting my best friend and telling her about Mark and the feelings that I had experienced. I also told her that I couldn't shake the feeling that I was experiencing, I really liked him and I just felt intense guilt. Before we both parted ways at the end of the meeting, he gave me a hug and nothing more happened.
My partner obviously found these messages on my phone and went awall.
This isn't the first time he's checked my phone behind my back. I just feel trust has been lost, obviously on both sides and he knows nothing happened. It was just, I fancied someone. Mark was also older, had a good career everything I would like my partner to be, so maybe that's why the attraction was there...

Thoughts?

What's "awall"?

He clearly has reason to and I'm sure you have given him reason before by the sounds of it. Yet he will be the bad one here even though you were wrong.

Trusted his spidey senses and caught his sleezey cheating partner out, fair play to him.

I would hate the lack of trust and invasion of privacy.

However your partner clearly has reason to feel worried - you are looking outside your relationship and no doubt he senses this. ('Nothing happened' is often said but I'm not sure that infidelity is simply a physical act.)

He was really wrong to snoop but his suspicions were really right.

This site cracks me up 😂

If he went away, she’d be encouraged to snoop his phone, she’d find these messages, he’d be accused of having emotional affair and consensus would be she should LTB.

Whereas he’s checked her phone and found these messages, yet she’s done nothing wrong, therefore he’s invaded her privacy and as a result she should LTB.

The hypocrisy is staggering unreal but highly amusing 😆😆😆😆

He did exactly what a woman is often advised to do here when her senses are yelling at her that something is wrong with her partner. Something different, something off.

If a woman does the detective work and discover he's had his head turned, he's having an emotional affair, etc etc, we advise her to get her ducks in a row and LTB.

Then when he turns round and accuses her of violating his privacy, being the bad guy, we tell her about DARVO.

You're him.

It’s laughable isn’t it? I wish I could say I’m surprised but the majority of MNetters tend to think that the man is always in the wrong and women are automatically victims

The hypocrisy is staggering unreal but highly amusing

exactly 😂😂😂

totally harmless for women to have a crush, flirt and go into great details with their friends how they fancy someone else and everything else that was said on this thread
but wait until they come across a message or a phone conversation when their DH says the same thing, that always goes well 😂.

he smelt a rat and he found one

Yet lots of women 'accidentally' go through their husband's messages etc and no-one ever says she's 'violated' his privacy. Wonder why that is?

Well they do. There have been a fair few 'rumpuses' about it on MN posts. Posters saying "I looked/snooped on DP's phone and found out this..." and they get called out for it.

We are pretty open with phones in our house, but understand that not everyone is like that.

My sentiments on this thread would be exactly the same if the sexes were reversed.

He doesn’t trust you, and rightly so. He can do better.

Honestly, people incriminate themselves far too much with technology. If you fancy a bit of someone else then pick up the phone or chat in person but dont go writing emails or texts or adding new friends on facebook. It's asking for trouble. People have always been like this but proof is off the scale now as people are careless.

You were foolish enough to put all that into writing in text messages to your friend? Unbelievable.

He obviously felt something was up, so looked at your phone. This is exactly the sort of advice often meted out on here.

It's over. The relationship is bad all around.

Mark was also older, had a good career everything I would like my partner to be, so maybe that's why the attraction was there...

Just plain savage.

Maybe your partner is a secret MN-er and was just following all the advice to check your phone?

Crushes etc are normal but going on about how this guy is everything your partner isn't is another level entirely.

Are you genuinely saying that you wouldn't be heartbroken if your partner said that about you?

It's over. Move on.

Right?!

apparently it's a perfectly normal feeling when you are a married woman!

Savage indeed.

'This isn't the first time he's checked my phone behind my back'

How many times have you flirted with other men? We need to get away from making those that have looked through a phone (man or woman) as some kind of controlling stalker. Yes there are people like that, but plenty look through a partners phone because they are giving off vibes that they aren't being faithful.

If you are getting 'urges' and 'really fancy Mark', end the relationship now before you make things worse.

On another thread someone commented that they reckoned that half of mumsnetters were actually men pretending to be women. I laughed at the time. Now, reading the outrage over a married woman fancying someone other than her husband, I'm not so sure.

Awall?

He probably felt the need to do it because of your behavior no doubt. And he was right! Don't be in a loyal committed relationship when there is no trust on his part and zero loyalty on your part. Imagine how he felt seeing that? Like a betrayed laughing stock no doubt. Just messaging a friend to say how awesome another guy is. Leave him for his own good. For everyone saying you shouldn't check partners phone, if they had nothing to hide it wouldn't be an issue would it. He's probably paranoid about this shitty behavior!

If you were truly happy with your relationship then you wouldn't have had your eye turned.

Do the right thing and end the relationship.