Holiday plans mess - my fault so suck it up?

[weekendersun]

A friend asked me to go on a long weekend break to a popular city abroad, to a place I've always wanted to visit. She knows the city so said she would book the hotel and we both booked our flights individually (on same flight). Hotel paid on arrival - no cancellation fee.

It's in 3 weeks time and I asked yesterday for name of hotel and whether our rooms would be near to each other and other details. To my surprise she told me it was one room and we'd be sharing. This didn't even occur to me, I'm in my 50's and not shared with anyone (apart from ex partner) and have no wish to do so. I like my own bathroom, plus I snore and I often wake in the night to make tea, read etc.

I asked friend if we could book 2 rooms but this would double the cost and she said she can't afford it. I suggested we swap to a cheaper hotel but she doesn't want to do that as likes the hotel she's booked.

She has asked that I don't go and she takes her sister instead. However flights have gone up in price and she feels it's only fair if I reimburse her sister the cost difference between the flight prices, as it's my choice not to go (her words). But I would also lose the cost of my flight as that's not refundable.

I have said I could still go with her and her sister but she's pissed off with me and not responding to my calls or texts, so don't think that's an option.

She can't understand why firstly I won't share and secondly that I'm being difficult in not accepting her alternative plans.

I'm wondering if IABU (although it would really spoil the break for me to share). I also do t think I should pay sisters costs but am I in the wrong?

Was she paying for the hotel room? And are you now asking her to pay for 2 rooms? Or are you proposing to pay for your own separate room?

Or were you sharing the cost of one room and now she’s saying she can afford half the cost of a room but not a whole room.

She can't have it both ways - ignoring you but also expecting you to pay for the sister's additional costs (which is unreasonable). There has been a error in communication that isn't anyone's fault ultimately.
I'd use the flights to travel there alone and book a hotel independently. Enjoy the break without her.

Did you tell her WHY you don't like to share? (snoring/getting up in the night) if you did and she's OK with it surely it's fine for a couple of nights?

However I don't think you should have to pay the extra for more expensive flights - absolutely not. The sister needs to pay you for your flight if you no longer want to go, or for her own flight no matter how much more it is.

Tbh the friendship sounds like it's over so I'd sell your flight to her sister and move on

Apologise. Grovel. Salvage the friendship. Pay half her hotel room and one for yourself.

Or suck it up and share a room. It's not that much of a hardship for a few nights.

If you decide not to go then you may have to suck up the loss but I don't see any reason why you should pay her sister's additional costs. If the sister doesn't want to go then she doesn't have to; how is the cost your responsibility? You're not using the flight.

Perhaps you can go and book yourself a single room somewhere cheaper and meet them during the day if the sister goes, and if you still all feel like seeing each other.

You’ve offered two solutions - book two rooms and she needs to pay more or keep her costs the same and switch to a different hotel.

If she wants a different solution then that is at her cost. No way would I pay the flight difference.

Can you just book another room?
If its affordable then pay the cost for your share of the room and also a room for yourself, I know you would be paying for 1.5 rooms but it seems the easiest way.
I wouldn't share either

I think sharing is the default so I can see why she would assume that.

Can you really not share for a couple of nights?

This might be an option?

Then the sister can go and whilst she has the more expensive flights to pay for, she gets the hotel room for free so hopefully that neutralises it.

I'd do this too.
Is sharing the default? I'd assume not! But maybe I am wrong.

Cover her half (ie pay 1.5x) of the room? I wouldn't be too happy to do that but it seems like the easiest solution here if you can afford it.

I don't find her assumption that odd as my mum and her friends (middle class, middle aged female travellers) share hotel rooms or suites too. Obviously separate beds. But I personally wouldn't share a room so I fully understand you

I think she is being unreasonable and should really swap the hotel. It can't be that good surely?

But I wish you would share with her OP so we can wait for the thread in the middle of night from her complaining about being kept awake by snoring!

I agree with you, I didn't mind sharing when I was younger but wouldn't want to share with a friend now. I'd rather have a less nice room/bathroom to myself than sharing somewhere more expensive.

Sharing would not be my default, I would always have a discussion with someone before booking rooms. Some twins (if you are lucky enough to get a twin) are tiny and I've had the situation where we've turned up and the room is a double, which I really hate!
That said, I pretty much always share a room for cost reasons, even an upgraded twin is cheaper than a single.

You haven't done anything wrong, OP, but I am stumped how to solve this issue, it is truly a conundrum!

Why? This was the holiday and hotel they agreed on.

op, I also feel you going but getting your own room is the answer.

Totally unacceptable. The absolute MOST I would possibly agree to do would be to pay your share of "her" room plus your own room. Arguably though, you're noth totally unreasonable not to have the sharing/not sharing conversation before. I'm a similar age and I know that the feelings on sharing/not sharing are diverse so always check that in advance and make it clear that I am having my own room.

If you decide not to go, you do NOT have to pay any extra for her sister's flight. That's complete bollocks.

At this point, I'd be tempted to "cancel" then go anyway by yourself.

I don't share rooms either so I hear you! I agree with others, use your flight and get your own room in same hotel/somewhere else. Pay your half of the original room costs if that's affordable, if not maybe offer a lesser contribution. If the sister wants to go that's up to her to pay for her own flight.

Could you change the name on your flights to her sister and let the two of them off together? I wouldn't want to go with them at this point.

I agree unfortunately I think you will need to pay for your room plus half her room if you still want to go. But if her sister is going then you shouldn’t pay more so she gets a free trip at your expense.
I personally wouldn’t think sharing is the default and would be shocked if someone didn’t mention that to me, I need my own space and wouldn’t want to share.

Because they had a communication breakdown and OP assumed they would have their own rooms in the hotel whereas her friend assumed they would share. Op then offered to get her own room there but the friend can't afford that so they need to find another solution, preferably one that doesn't cost either significantly more.

They could easily swap to a cheaper hotel but the friend is refusing because she “likes” the more expensive hotel so no, OP shouldn’t have to pay 1.5 rooms nor pay the difference for the sister’s flight when there’s an easy solution.

The friend is a cheeky fucker.

Yeah, I wouldn't be agreeing to share a room either. It's an absolute deal-breaker for me.

You say this is your fault, but it's really not. Your friend shouldn't have just assumed you'd be happy to share a room and she is the one refusing to book a cheaper hotel. So no, you absolutely should not be paying towards her sister's flights or anything of the sort. Your friend is the one that messed up here, not you, and she is unwilling to do anything to sort it.

I think you are being really nice not wanting to share for reasons that would disturb her .. I hate sharing a room too !

I'd be pissed off too, I don't share rooms but I would have discussed this with her up front, not assumed.

She is making some huge assumptions here.

She definitely should have checked you were ok sharing? I would not like this either.

Can't afford her own room but refuses to go somewhere cheaper and now wants to swap you for her sister and wants you to fund it?

She's having a laugh!

I'd be paying her nothing more! She should have checked! I think you've been very reasonable.

I'd go with the 1.5 suggestion. You book your own room and pay for that + your share of the twin room. It's a place you've always wanted to see and life is short etc.

However, if the friendship is cooling or there is any hassle between you, I'd book a room in a different hotel, and go anyway, having paid for the flights. Going alone can be a challenge the first time, but it can be very rewarding too. Ask me!