Holiday plans mess - my fault so suck it up?

[weekendersun]

A friend asked me to go on a long weekend break to a popular city abroad, to a place I've always wanted to visit. She knows the city so said she would book the hotel and we both booked our flights individually (on same flight). Hotel paid on arrival - no cancellation fee.

It's in 3 weeks time and I asked yesterday for name of hotel and whether our rooms would be near to each other and other details. To my surprise she told me it was one room and we'd be sharing. This didn't even occur to me, I'm in my 50's and not shared with anyone (apart from ex partner) and have no wish to do so. I like my own bathroom, plus I snore and I often wake in the night to make tea, read etc.

I asked friend if we could book 2 rooms but this would double the cost and she said she can't afford it. I suggested we swap to a cheaper hotel but she doesn't want to do that as likes the hotel she's booked.

She has asked that I don't go and she takes her sister instead. However flights have gone up in price and she feels it's only fair if I reimburse her sister the cost difference between the flight prices, as it's my choice not to go (her words). But I would also lose the cost of my flight as that's not refundable.

I have said I could still go with her and her sister but she's pissed off with me and not responding to my calls or texts, so don't think that's an option.

She can't understand why firstly I won't share and secondly that I'm being difficult in not accepting her alternative plans.

I'm wondering if IABU (although it would really spoil the break for me to share). I also do t think I should pay sisters costs but am I in the wrong?

aren't you a CF? 😂
No the OP should not have to pay extra to give you a private room at the cost of a shared room.

She offered different accommodation same cost, she offered same accommodation if they both wanted to pay extra, she made all the possible suggestions.

The only unreasonable one is the friend.

Of course it's normal. It might not be the default assumption for everyone, but that doesn't mean those of us who share hotel rooms with friends are doing something abnormal or weird. I regularly go away with 2 different friends, who I have known since I was 5 and 18. We always share rooms and can't imagine a time when we won't. I've been away with a different friend and we got separate rooms s that was her preference, but she told me that's what she wanted rather than assuming.

I would say the first time friends go away together they should ensure they discuss and agree whether they are going to share a room or not, then they will know for any future holidays together.

I would respond to the sister.

Say, 'oh, so you are coming too? X has not replied to any messages. I explained I would pay half cost of room and book myself a different room. Did she not pass that message on?'

Friend is a complete dickhead. She seemingly refused to even consider your entirely reasonable (and generous) suggested compromises. She probably feels all self righteous thinking she's kicked you off the trip to teach you a lesson, and getting her sister to demand money. They can both fuck right off. You're better off without friends like that.

I think you are absolutely magnificent to go anyway with a nicer different friend. It's your holiday too, quite right! If she spots you on the flight it might feel awkward but personally I would look at her indignant face and think (privately) "it serves you right".

This feels like a mismatch in expectations. But the OP's friend is acting very childishly by ignoring OP.

It’s perfectly normal in my world too. I’ve been on holiday many times with various friends and had numerous weekends away and we’ve always shared a room - it’s never even been a discussion. It’s the default imo and I’d always presume sharing unless otherwise stated. We’re all over 50

Op do not pay for anyone's anything. These ppl need to pay for themselves even if the ticket price had gone up. Seems to me she actually wants to go with the sister and not you. Also I'm surprised you couldn't have figured this out in the beginning before she decided to involve her sister. The sister needs to pay for her flight what ever that cost is.

I understand why you're sad about your friend's behaviour, but she's been a complete pillock over this, and you have done absolutely nothing wrong. I nearly choked on my cuppa when I read that the sister had been sending you screenshots of the price difference in flights! What a cheeky cow.

I'm delighted you've found someone else to travel with, who I'm guessing is a much nicer person.

(Also, while I completely understand that this whole situation has been upsetting for you and I know I'm being awful here... I'm absolutely dying to know what happens when your ex-friend and her rotten sister see you on the flight. I'm confident you'll style it out with a lot more dignity than they will.)

Have a lovely holiday!

Your friend is weird, immature and overreacting.
Hope you have a lovely time away.

It will feel awkward when you see them at airport but fuck them.

You offered solutions to a misunderstanding, she is carrying on like a child.

Another friend is coming with me so it will be very awkward when we are all on the same flight.

That will make it a bit less awkward I think, than you being by yourself.

Unfortunately your failure to do so has cost you a friendship…

No the trash took itself out here.

@weekendersun I understand you'd feel sad about losing a long friendship, but from her behaviour I don't think your friend is who you thought she was. So by all means grieve that one, but be thankful that she showed you who she really was.

I hope you enjoy your trip with your other (proper) friend.

Of course it's normal to share and it's just as normal to not want to... it's just down to personal preference! It's also reasonable to check with the other person especially if you never travelled away together before. And only because you mentioned age. I actually find it the other way round when we are younger we are happy to share but the older you get you want your space. Nothing wrong with either.

It's weird that your Ex friend has acted so dramatically. The only reason I can think of is perhaps she took it as a her rather than a you thing when you refused to share rooms.

I know my cousin got arsey with me when I wouldn't share a bed with her Dsis, even though the actual cousin was unbothered. It was nothing personal, I don't even really like sharing with DH that much.

Cheeky Fucker! Expecting you to pay the difference in flights. You haven't done anything wrong. Go with your friend and have a good time.

Or the ‘friend’ could have compromised with
a cheaper hotel that she probably could have afforded instead of being stubborn because she wanted the more expensive hotel (that also didn’t have a cancellation fee!)

It’s not the OP who has lost the friendship here. Only a CF would expect the OP to pay for a mix up that was otherwise easy to rectify.

Oh what a shame that a misunderstanding has turned into this!

It’s a shame the room situation wasn’t agreed up front but there were various compromises the OPs friend could’ve agreed to and her behaviour is very melodramatic to have not agreed to a better solution.

Glad you’ve found someone else to go with you OP, have a lovely time.

Oh yes both are perfectly ok its different strokes. My post was more in response to the PP who stated it’s absolutely NOT burned to share a room with anyone who isn’t a partner or blood relative.

It’s personal preference but it really isn’t a thing with my mates to want your own room. Maybe because we’ve spent most of our adult lives doing the soul weekends and having 5/6 of us sharing a caravan that’s it’s never been a factor.

Like the OPs friend I would presume sharing unless otherwise stated but she’s acting like a spoilt child when she’s been offered several workable options.

This! And block them both - absolutely cheeky fucker chancers! Hope you have an amazing time.

This sounds like a good decision.

The only other thing I would do is offer to pay your half of the room she booked. Unless her sister will now be paying half to stay in the same room as her.