Holiday plans mess - my fault so suck it up?

[weekendersun]

A friend asked me to go on a long weekend break to a popular city abroad, to a place I've always wanted to visit. She knows the city so said she would book the hotel and we both booked our flights individually (on same flight). Hotel paid on arrival - no cancellation fee.

It's in 3 weeks time and I asked yesterday for name of hotel and whether our rooms would be near to each other and other details. To my surprise she told me it was one room and we'd be sharing. This didn't even occur to me, I'm in my 50's and not shared with anyone (apart from ex partner) and have no wish to do so. I like my own bathroom, plus I snore and I often wake in the night to make tea, read etc.

I asked friend if we could book 2 rooms but this would double the cost and she said she can't afford it. I suggested we swap to a cheaper hotel but she doesn't want to do that as likes the hotel she's booked.

She has asked that I don't go and she takes her sister instead. However flights have gone up in price and she feels it's only fair if I reimburse her sister the cost difference between the flight prices, as it's my choice not to go (her words). But I would also lose the cost of my flight as that's not refundable.

I have said I could still go with her and her sister but she's pissed off with me and not responding to my calls or texts, so don't think that's an option.

She can't understand why firstly I won't share and secondly that I'm being difficult in not accepting her alternative plans.

I'm wondering if IABU (although it would really spoil the break for me to share). I also do t think I should pay sisters costs but am I in the wrong?

I disagree. I'm around OP's age and haven't shared a room with friends in 30 years. It's just not done.

Once in a while my sister and I will share if it's a short one-night thing en route to somewhere else, but that's about it.

I think OP's friend is being very unreasonable.

It is not normal for adults to share a room with someone who is not their partner or a blood relation (eg sibling, child). If you discuss it beforehand, fine, but it’s not the default. YANBU. If you want to go I’d pay 1.5x if you can. If not sell your ticket to her sister. You shouldn’t have to cover the cost.

Pay for the increased flight cost?!? I've never heard anything so absurd!

Unless there is a history of your sharing rooms on holiday, your friend should have checked with you before making the booking. And no, I would not be subsidising the sister if she chooses to take your place.

You're not at all unreasonable.

I can't imagine sharing a room with a friend nowadays, unless we'd both agreed to do this. And it would have to be a very close friend. I don't know anyone who shares a twin room on holiday anymore. In our early 20s we did, but I found it awkward and stressful. Most people want their private space to relax, undisturbed aleep (or freedom to not sleep if insomnia hits!) And a private bathroom.

When you live with someone you get used to sharing space, routines etc. Very different with a friend! Even my sister and I don't share rooms on holiday and haven't since childhood.

I think your friend was presumptuous to assume you'd share, at least she could have asked before booking! I wouldn't pay half the room cost or the difference in price for sister to fly. If she insists on keeping the fancy hotel room rather than change to a cheaper hotel, I'd refuse to pay or insist she refunds your share if you've paid already. It's not your fault she can't afford her own room in that hotel. If she wants her sister to take your place the sister needs to pay for herself!

I would not pay towards her sisters flight or their room.

She should have checked you were OK with the room

Pay for your own room in a separate hotel

I am not saying people don't share. I am saying it's not "normal" to assume non-family members do!

I take a twin room when I have with only one of my kid btw, it's more comfortable for us.

If you read the thread, you will realise that no, a twin bed room even with a friend would not be fine at all.

If she's expecting you to surrender the flight and pay the difference in flight cost too. You might as well pay for the seperate room and half hers instead. Although, not sure how much fun you will have now there's been disagreements etc

Sounds to me as though the friendship is probably over now. I’d block her, then call the airline to see if you can either get a credit note or change the flights to an earlier/later flight so you can avoid her and book a hotel somewhere so that you can go on your own.

I work in a hotel and this plays out at the front desk more often than you'd think! People have very different ideas about sharing and neither is wrong and neither is right. It's just different perspectives. Though if sharing is a hard no from you then possibly mentioning it before booking would have been reasonable, because she now can't afford to do anything about it that will suit both of you as it's 3 weeks away.

You're both at fault for assuming, therefore a compromise is probably the best solution, but I do think your friend is unreasonable for not even talking to you about it. If you shouldn't have to suck up on the room, then she shouldn't have to suck up on the hotel change.

Personally I wouldn't pay to have the flight changed/new flight, and not go completely because you lose out on the break and more money. I'd offer to have the sister pay me for the break but minus the increased cost of the flight or get a room myself and offer to pay half of the extra cost the friend will incur having the room to herself (as in you pay a quarter and she pays 3/4 - maybe even offer to lend it if I could do that). The hotel may reduce the rate if there's only one person staying in the room anyway?

It's not an easy answer though if it's going to cost more money than she has.

The price of two rooms is going to be much more expensive than one. I also think you are being a bit precious. Twin bed room with a friend for a couple of days would be fine for most people

Not everyone wants to cut costs on holiday.

Sharing a room is only normal in my world if you're family, a student or back packing. I've shared many rooms in budget hotels abroad, when travelling 20 years ago. I wouldn't choose to do it now!

Even work trips have to provide a room per person, even if colleagues are close friends.

A bit like sleepovers or crashing on a friend's sofa, don't most people grow out of this phase by 25?

Woah! Your friend is a CF who is using you to subsidise her holiday. That was her plan all along and she hoped you’d “be kind” and suck it up.

She wasn’t thinking about what you might want and now you’ve told her that doesn’t work for you, she still doesn’t care about your feelings because she still wants her own way and is trying to emotionally blackmail you into agreeing.

In your shoes, I’d either cancel completely or go ahead but book my own accommodation. Then I’d dump her!

This! Go & have a great time Op & don't give her any money!

Personally I would book another room and go alone. Its not salvageable as a trip if Friend is now ignoring you.

I always assume I’m sharing! Friends do that really regularly. If you don’t want to share you should have made it very clear before now. I’m also in my 50s

To be fair, that's why i think it does need to be made clear. because the world does seem to be split pretty evenly between the "of course we'll share" vs the "I want my own room" camps. And both think their version is the obvious one.

It's like the shoes on or off debate. For those who are shoes on, leaving their shoes on is a no brainer. And vice versa for the shoes off brigade. So most of us these days check on entry to someone's house.

That seems very fair to me @weekendersun.
I hope she sees it too, and you enjoy your trip.

If someone was somehow expecting to share a room, it actually makes no difference once they've agreed on the price of the room. You pay what you agreed to pay but you have privacy. Complete non-issue.

If someone wasn't expecting it, it ruins all the plans.

So if people decide to share room, they really need to communicate better.

I'm going on a long weekend with my friend soon and I have totally assumed we will be sharing a room. I should probably check now incase the hotel cost is double what I thought it would be.

In your position... if you're that desperate to be alone then pay half her room and get yourself a new room alone in addition.

Absolutely not your responsibility she assumed you were sharing a room, I would never jump to that conclusion and she is being a CF about how to resolve a problem she created.

She is being ridiculous. I think it's normal to state that you'd be sharing a room from the outset. I think most friends would not have a problem with this especially as the cost would be higher not sharing but it's still something I would assume would have been mentioned when booking so your friends fault for not mentioning it.
Asking you to pay extra so her sister can go when you are additionally losing out on the cost of the flights is bonkers. WTF?
Her sister going and you going too, and staying in a separate room sounds like the perfect solution.
If she's now gone into thick mode then I think your friend is a bit of a tool bag and I'd let her off.

I don't particularly like sharing rooms (and certainly not beds), so I'd have had that discussion before any booking took place - given that two rooms is obviously going to be much more expensive than one.
I don't think you should pay part of the sister's share. It's her choice to go.
Consider Air BnB in future - even if there's only one bedroom there's often a sofabed too.

I don’t share hotel rooms. I make that very clear because anyone sharing with me has to adapt to my medical needs and it is not easy.

Since she could change hotels but is refusing, I think you are absolved of any financial responsibility.

you should still take your trip, even if you end up traveling solo. It won’t be the same, but don’t take a loss on the flight. Go and enjoy yourself.

I would absolutely hate sharing a room. I'm happy to spend an entire day with friends but need my own space at the end of the day / night / early morning. I think she is being unreasonable and you should stay in a cheaper hotel where you can afford two separate rooms. Why is she deciding where to stay and not you? At the end of the day, isn't seeing the city and being together more important than where you sleep?