Holiday plans mess - my fault so suck it up?

[weekendersun]

A friend asked me to go on a long weekend break to a popular city abroad, to a place I've always wanted to visit. She knows the city so said she would book the hotel and we both booked our flights individually (on same flight). Hotel paid on arrival - no cancellation fee.

It's in 3 weeks time and I asked yesterday for name of hotel and whether our rooms would be near to each other and other details. To my surprise she told me it was one room and we'd be sharing. This didn't even occur to me, I'm in my 50's and not shared with anyone (apart from ex partner) and have no wish to do so. I like my own bathroom, plus I snore and I often wake in the night to make tea, read etc.

I asked friend if we could book 2 rooms but this would double the cost and she said she can't afford it. I suggested we swap to a cheaper hotel but she doesn't want to do that as likes the hotel she's booked.

She has asked that I don't go and she takes her sister instead. However flights have gone up in price and she feels it's only fair if I reimburse her sister the cost difference between the flight prices, as it's my choice not to go (her words). But I would also lose the cost of my flight as that's not refundable.

I have said I could still go with her and her sister but she's pissed off with me and not responding to my calls or texts, so don't think that's an option.

She can't understand why firstly I won't share and secondly that I'm being difficult in not accepting her alternative plans.

I'm wondering if IABU (although it would really spoil the break for me to share). I also do t think I should pay sisters costs but am I in the wrong?

My oldest friend and I are 45. We go away twice a year and always get a twin room. Can't imagine we'll change that over the decades.

My cut off was when I had children. The pure unadulterated bliss of having a room to myself when on holiday with a friend!
However, I'd trade it in for a cheaper, better, bigger room.

@Afternoonteavirgin I shared when younger as it was more economical and also holidayed & travelled more with friends at that point. Friends would kip in my room when I was a student and vice versa. Nowadays, when I stay with friends it would be in a guest bedroom. So for me it would just feel odd to share now and I could afford my own room & prefer bathroom privacy so that's what I'd expect to do.

If there was a vote on this thread it would be split.

(Almost like the shoes on/shoes off debate.
half of us saying it’s disgusting and basically treading dog poo into friends’ carpets. The other half of us saying how inhospitable expecting people to scrabble around and take their nice shoes off and be uncomfortable in their socks)

In this version it’s either ‘It’s totally obvious that you would each need your own room” v “of course you would share why on earth wouldn’t you!? It’s a totally normal assumption to make”

Really weird that you didn't discuss hotel and rooms before she booked.

Anyway, now it's done I'd message and say "ah well as it's not a package holiday that makes things a bit easier as it's just the room booking we have to be concerned with - I'm happy for your sister to come along on the holiday if you're desperate to stay in that particular hotel and it means it will keep costs down for you - I'll just book my own separate room so you can split the cost of a room with your sister." Don't even mention YOUR flight that YOU booked for yourself. It's nothing to do with her, the cheeky cow - it's not a package holidady!!

I think when you are young sharing rooms is standard, as we get older things can change maybe some pp haven't factored in this change.

It is a simple misunderstanding and you have offered some great alternatives.

I think the best thing would be for her sister to buy the flight from you and change the name. If someone was behaving in a childish way like ignnoring messages I would be questioning them anyway and whether the trip was a good idea. It seems very immature over a simple miscommunication that is no ones fault, as she should have checked with you before booking as well.

NOT sharing is the default!

Unless you book for parents and their school-age kids, many people have no interest in sharing with anyone.

The friend is being ridiculous, the OP should stick with the options she offered:
booking another room
OR booking a cheaper hotel
OR booking herself another room but no way should the OP pay for the sister's cost "difference" when OP herself would lose the cost of her flight.

OP, if you don't hear from her, book yourself another room, let her know and don't lose your flight.

I would share rooms, stay in grotty accommodation, and get the overnight Megabus when I was in my late teens/early 20s because I was skint. I'm now in my mid 30s and in a position to "throw money at the problem" in order to avoid being uncomfortable.

I mean, within reason. I'm not a Rockefeller 😂

cut-off is when your own kids are old enough to have their own room 😂

For friends, I think when you leave uni. Once you have a job, you don't share, or at least you don't assume anyone will.

I would assume sharing is the default unless you had clearly stated otherwise.

I don't blame you. I am far too old for a sleepover also. I like the comfort of my own bathroom and room. I think she is being unreasonable, expecting you to contribute to her sister's flights.

I think she's totally chancing her luck anyway. She just wants her sister to come along instead and is finding any excuse for her to come cheaply - at OP's expense. Really leaves a bad taste in the mouth.

Not sharing would be the default for me. I would definitely expect my own room.

I can't see how this is your fault. She should've asked not assumed you'd be happy to share.

I would book my own room and she can sort and pay for her own.

If she's pissed off with you, I'd go anyway and let her do whatever she wants. If she wants her sister with her, her sister can pay for it.

When I go away with a friend we always share. So unless you specified you didn't want to share I can understand why she thought you'd be ok with it.

Best solution would be sister comes to share the room and you book your own room in a cheaper hotel (or the same one if you can afford it.) Otherwise I guess you'll have to pay for your share of the original room and then book your own as well - obviously depends if you can afford it.

I'd focus on explaining you don't want to disturb her with your snoring and getting up in the night.

Friend is out of order with organising hotel without checking sharing is ok. As PP stated twin rooms often turn out to be a double! This situation can be rectified by seeking alternative accommodation but she is refusing to do so!
Personally, as the flight is non refundable, OP should sort her own accommodation out enjoy the weekend away (either by herself or meet up with friend if she wishes to!)
If friend wants to take her sister to room share etc, they sort it out between themselves!
Call her bluff!!

Seems like a serious lack of communication on both sides here.

Didn't she send through the hotel email once booked, and why - if you assumed you were in separate rooms - did you not wonder why she was booking your room as well ?

I think the most I would offer is if you found a decent hotel where you could both have singles, that you would pay the difference between that and the original cost. And say if original hotel had a pool and this one didn't, throw in the cost of a spa visit, but I wouldn't be paying her Dsis flight costs.

YABU for NOT assuming separate rooms.

They're adults, not kids on a sleepover.

Noooo way I'd be sharing. Not. A. Chance.

Also are you absolutely sure your flight cannot be transferred to her Dsis at a cost. That might be the cheapest option for everyone.

For those saying you would absolutely not share rooms, wouldn’t you make that clear up front when planning the trip?

I do agree that the friend is being unreasonable and inflexible though. You’re probably not compatible travel companions.

It's an easy mistake to make. I'm in my sixties and travel a lot with various groups of friends. I am definitely the odd one out in preferring to pay the extra and have my own room, nearly everyone else expects to share. For this reason I'm always very clear from the start that I want my own space.

I think the main thing this thread proves is that there is no default!

I am 50 and would happily share a room with any of my friends who I knew well enough to be going on a long weekend citybreak with. As long as they were happy to... I went away recently with a friend, suggested we get a twin room, she said she snored and wanted her own room so that's what we did.

Neither of you are at fault here as you both made assumptions - it's just they were the opposite of each other.

If you tell her you're nocturnal (and might want to put the light on/boil a kettle) and that you snore, and she says she's still happy to share - are you happy to share on that basis?
The obvious solution is that instead of just suggesting a cheaper hotel, you find one that you're happy with, that will come close in price to what you're committed to, and present that as the solution (or that you're happy to stay in the original one at the higher price of a single room).
You definitely don't need to pick up anyone else's costs, or sub her the cost of a room - there's an easy solution to the problem, so it's not an 'all or nothing' situation.

You can often transfer a flight booking to someone else's name for a fee if you don't go.

I won’t share a room with anyone, not even a sister. It’s a hill I’d die on. It’s very weird she didn’t check you were ok to share when she booked - it wouldn’t dawn on me I’d have to clarify.

I think you’re both at fault for not checking with each other on sleeping arrangements but I think she’s more at fault because she should have been certain before paying.

You’re unreasonable to ask her switch hotels. Tell her she can keep the room she has and you’ll book your own room, in the same hotel or nearby.

If she refuses then tell her you won’t be paying for the hotel room or her sister’s incremental flight cost. She’s having a laugh with that one, but so are you expecting her to change hotel.