Holiday plans mess - my fault so suck it up?

[weekendersun]

A friend asked me to go on a long weekend break to a popular city abroad, to a place I've always wanted to visit. She knows the city so said she would book the hotel and we both booked our flights individually (on same flight). Hotel paid on arrival - no cancellation fee.

It's in 3 weeks time and I asked yesterday for name of hotel and whether our rooms would be near to each other and other details. To my surprise she told me it was one room and we'd be sharing. This didn't even occur to me, I'm in my 50's and not shared with anyone (apart from ex partner) and have no wish to do so. I like my own bathroom, plus I snore and I often wake in the night to make tea, read etc.

I asked friend if we could book 2 rooms but this would double the cost and she said she can't afford it. I suggested we swap to a cheaper hotel but she doesn't want to do that as likes the hotel she's booked.

She has asked that I don't go and she takes her sister instead. However flights have gone up in price and she feels it's only fair if I reimburse her sister the cost difference between the flight prices, as it's my choice not to go (her words). But I would also lose the cost of my flight as that's not refundable.

I have said I could still go with her and her sister but she's pissed off with me and not responding to my calls or texts, so don't think that's an option.

She can't understand why firstly I won't share and secondly that I'm being difficult in not accepting her alternative plans.

I'm wondering if IABU (although it would really spoil the break for me to share). I also do t think I should pay sisters costs but am I in the wrong?

I think sharing in this situation is normal, unless you specified you wanted your own room. So this is on you. Either go and share (which that's probably ruined now), or make sure your friend isn't out of pocket. I wouldn't subsidise her sister though.

It sounds like a communication error on both sides with you each assuming the arrangements. But she has behaved badly since by refusing any sort of compromise and then (it sounds like) ordering you not to go! It's your holiday too!

I would go anyway, arrangements my own accommodation and be prep to sightsee alone if she was still stropping/sulking. If she kept haranguing me for money so her sister could go I'd just say no and ignore.

There should always be give and take in a friendship but that doesn't mean one friend always has to give into the other's demands.

It’s quite rare to get a single room so I would have assumed it to be a twin.

In this case I think you should pay for a separate room and go and use your flight. if able to, then cover the cost of the shared room, but NOT the flight.

Difficult one. I think you are both at fault tbh for not talking about it and assuming. I hate sharing rooms (I have small children, absolute bliss of a room of my own when staying away). But on trips away with other female friends we have always talked about it at the point of booking.

If you can easily afford it (I have no idea if this is the case and don’t want to presume) and want to salvage the friendship then I would offer to pay 1.5 and get your own room without raising her costs. If not on either account then just go alone. Paying her sister’s flights in mad

Thanks for your replies. It seems there is no default over sharing or not sharing. 🙄

I have decided that as I didn't make it clear when she booked that I will offer to pay for my half of the double room (so that her sister can go with her) and book a separate room for myself. I'll see what response I get to that suggestion. I won't offer to pay the increase on her sisters flight though.

And I may end up booking a different hotel, if she is not happy with my solution. But whatever her response I am still going to go, as am happy to travel alone and don't want to waste my flight (too expensive to change names).

If you are paying for your half of the double room, plus a single then her Dsis doesn't need to come as friend has the holiday at a cost she originally budgeted for.

I wouldn't expect to share a room, and in fact if that was what the other person wanted I would expect them to ask me if it was ok and not just assume. Your 'friend' has all the options, get another room, go to a different hotel, invite another person. The hotel presumably can still be changed/cancelled without penalty, but the flights cannot. She could invite her sister as well and share a room with her. Her proposal to you is selfish and cheeky, and I would be reconsidering the friendship on the basis of it.

Well, she's not speaking to you so I wouldn't bother giving her any money. It was just miscommunication, no one's fault. Why should you bear the cost of that any more than her? Maybe she'll calm down & you can sort it, but I wouldn't go out of your way.

I'm glad you're going still! Personally I wouldn't pay her the difference in the room price - this was simply a lack of communication on both sides, no one's fault - and the idea of you paying the difference in flight prices is CF territory.

Is there any option of day a 1bed hotel room? Ie bedroom and separate sleeping on sofa?

That may be cheaper than 2 doubles?

I would never assume I was sharing a room with a travelling companion unless we have specifically discussed and agreed that.

Why would it need to be made clear?

Why would any adult assume they were expected to share a room?!

I’d book myself into a separate hotel. Go and have a lovely time. She’s being very unreasonable

Why is it "normal"?

I have been invited to stay over at friends houses many times. I can't think of one time - since school - where I ended up sharing their bedroom? At the very worst, someone is on the sofa in a different room, but sharing your host bedroom? Never.

How is that different with a hotel?

Good compromise.

Though having seen recent threads on friends going away together and it not being exactly smooth sailing, I shall wish you luck!

Because one of them is a house, where bedrooms come for no extra cost to you, and one of them is a hotel, where there is a charge per room. You can't understand that it's quite normal for people to keep costs low? Why do you think they offer twin rooms?

YABU. I’ve been on a lot of holidays with friends and we always share a room. It’s a very normal assumption - and kind of the point of going with someone, to share the room cost!! If you knew you would be SO rigid and wouldn’t want to share, you should have asked way in advance what the sleeping arrangement would be. I agree, either pay for her sister to go, pay for your own room plus half of hers, or suck it up and share (though the atmosphere might be frosty now)

Your (expensive) mistake here.

Because your house a multiple rooms, a hotel room at a cost per room doesn't. In my world, and most peoples on here, people either share or say they want their own room. When I go away with my friends the ones who want their own room say I want my own room, and the ones who are happy to share just go with the flow. I'd consider that normal.

Definitely still go but maybe try to find a cheaper hotel or Air BnB near the original one. That way if you're on better terms by then you can still meet up easily to do some sightseeing or meals together.

If her sister is sharing her room instead it's her decision and up to her if she wants to pay the going price for flights, or your friend could subsidise her. It's not your responsibility and you've offered solutions but your friend doesn't want to compromise.

The funny thing will be as you're on the same flight there getting off the plane and going your separate ways if you're not talking to one another by then. There's bound to be loads you can do either on your own or joining a guided group if she doesn't want to know. Not sure your friendship will last though!

Why?

Friend sounds entitled. She caused this by not saying up front "I've booked one hotel room, double, and the rate is xx so your share will be half of that."

Who assumes that one is open to sharing a room without prior discussion?

I'd just withdraw and leave them to it. No, of course you don't have to supplement the sister's airfare.

She sounds like a very unpleasant friend. I don't get why you not wanting to share a room = you having to pay for her sister.

This!

This sounds bonkers to me! I'm 44 so not elderly but I never share on friends holidays! We all have small kids and love the rare treat of shutting the door and being totally alone...

The fault lies with the friend for booking the hotel without checking first what suited everyone. Being friends means wanting everyone to enjoy their holiday, right?

If you've got to adulthood without realising that some people like different things to you, then you've lived a sheltered and frankly weird life.

I would be annoyed if I was her. Surely you noticed the cost of the accommodation. The price of two rooms is going to be much more expensive than one. I also think you are being a bit precious. Twin bed room with a friend for a couple of days would be fine for most people.