Holiday plans mess - my fault so suck it up?

[weekendersun]

A friend asked me to go on a long weekend break to a popular city abroad, to a place I've always wanted to visit. She knows the city so said she would book the hotel and we both booked our flights individually (on same flight). Hotel paid on arrival - no cancellation fee.

It's in 3 weeks time and I asked yesterday for name of hotel and whether our rooms would be near to each other and other details. To my surprise she told me it was one room and we'd be sharing. This didn't even occur to me, I'm in my 50's and not shared with anyone (apart from ex partner) and have no wish to do so. I like my own bathroom, plus I snore and I often wake in the night to make tea, read etc.

I asked friend if we could book 2 rooms but this would double the cost and she said she can't afford it. I suggested we swap to a cheaper hotel but she doesn't want to do that as likes the hotel she's booked.

She has asked that I don't go and she takes her sister instead. However flights have gone up in price and she feels it's only fair if I reimburse her sister the cost difference between the flight prices, as it's my choice not to go (her words). But I would also lose the cost of my flight as that's not refundable.

I have said I could still go with her and her sister but she's pissed off with me and not responding to my calls or texts, so don't think that's an option.

She can't understand why firstly I won't share and secondly that I'm being difficult in not accepting her alternative plans.

I'm wondering if IABU (although it would really spoil the break for me to share). I also do t think I should pay sisters costs but am I in the wrong?

Fucking hell I can't believe what I'm reading, there was a miscommunication, that's fine, it happens.

But she's now booted you off the trip and wants you to she'll out for her sister to take your place. And people are suggesting you should subsidise her, and you're wanting to keep the friendship.

It's over, she's ghosted you.

Imo, I think you sound quite stubborn and inflexible about not sharing.

She obviously decided to do this because of cost savings, otherwise why would she.

You've handled it very badly and so has your friend.

You've had lots of good advice how to resolve this, and I hope you can salvage the friendship and have a lovely weekend away.

What did your friend say to that?

Absolutely being unreasonable, could of just shared for couple of nights, don't understand why it was such a big deal tbh

Absolutely being unreasonable, could of just shared for couple of nights, don't understand why it was such a big deal tbh

I wouldn't want to share either, I'd rather not go at all.

Whilst this is something that probably should have been discussed at the start, it wasn’t. So at least you can learn from that for any more trips you do with friends.

As much as your friend might like this hotel it doesn’t fit your needs. It has no cancellation fee so aside from her being stubborn there is no reason for you to go to this one provided that you can find a suitable alternative within budget. It is also unreasonable for her to suggest that her sister comes instead but then expect you to pay the difference in her flight.

I would find a couple of alternative hotels with two rooms that are a reasonable price and suggest them to her. Her sister could also join you - pay for her own flight and pay her own share the room with your friend.

All that being said you could just find a hotel for yourself and leave her to do what she wants. Your ‘friend’ is being a bit of a spoilt brat with this tbh. As another poster has suggested she is trying to boot you off the trip. And this is all because she isn’t getting her own way. Is she normally like this? And are you sure you still want to be friends with this person, she should’s like a bit of a d*ck?

If it was me and a friend was booking hotel I’d assume we are sharing .
Although last time I shared with a friend we spoke back and forth about which hotel and rooms were suitable for us both then agreed to booking .
If you are someone who doesn’t or can’t share I’d have expected as your friend to know about this at booking as it could effect the whole holiday and cost as it clearly shows it has.

I personally would share the room
I wouldn't be able to afford it either and the majority of people would book one room.
You should have been clearer upon booking that you wanted to separate rooms.
City breaks are expensive and you either pay the difference or think of it as a fun sleepovers

Disagree completely.
Just speak to the hotel and ask for a bigger room with separate beds

No, they don't.

"Even colleagues"? There's no way I'd share on a work trip but I absolutely have and would share with friends on holidays/leisure trips to keep costs down. Last time I did I was 8 months pregnant.

Now, becausei have a small baby such trips are few and far between, so i would make sure i had my own room because the opportunity to sleep would be so precious!

Not sharing is no more normal than sharing. My mum is in her 70s and when she travels alone ie without my dad she shares a hotel room with friends.

If her sister goes and she pays half the double room but I don’t think you’re responsible for the fact her flights are more expensive then when you booked, she either goes or she doesn’t.

I think overall this is down to miscommunication, your friend should’ve made it clear she was booking a twin room, you should’ve said up front you wanted separate rooms, I think it’s 50/50 on whose ‘fault’ that is.

I think the best solution is her sister shares the twin room, you book a separate room either in the same hotel or elsewhere and you all go together.

And lesson learned to be really clear when booking to go away with people what everyone’s expectations are.

I’d never share a room with anyone other than immediate family. Never shared a room with friends or colleagues. Why would you think that is normal???

@Mum2jenny Sharing a room with friends is perfectly normal. Not everyone wants to do it, which is fine. But it's normal!

The thing that is not normal on this thread is so many people not being able to comprehend the option which is not the one they'd choose.

Some people are more than happy to share, and do so willingly/often/without thinking about it.

Some people are OK with sharing, and do it for whatever reason, but would probably prefer not to.

Some people don't want to share/are uncomfortable sharing/just want or need their own space.

All 3 are perfectly normal. Just different. And no-one should have to justify which camp they fall in to. Equally, you might not fall into the same category every time, depending which friend/where you're going/for how long/for what reason. It really is that simple!

I will not share a room with anyone but my husband. I have reached a time in life where I want my own space and bathroom

Oh gosh yes, me too. I love my friends but I really need my own space and privacy to relax.

I would get my own room and offer to pay for the 50% extra for her room - if she wants to pass this saving onto her sister its up to her and that would reduce her sister's flight

I agree with this, simply because you didnt make it clear from the start and you want to keep this friendship.

I've seen so many issues on MN about friends going on holiday and having completely different ideas about how they spend the time, it makes it really important to discuss all expectations first to avoid falling out/arguments

Just to update.
My friendship is all but over which I'm very sad about. It seems my friends sister is going.

The only reason I know is I got a text. from the sister with a screenshot of flights booked and a message saying that my friend had told her to send it to me so I could see the price difference of flights. I assume this was so I could pay it. I have not responded.

I did try numerous times to speak to my friend but all calls, texts and email have been ignored so I have decided to go on the break and have booked a different hotel. Another friend is coming with me so it will be very awkward when we are all on the same flight.

It's very sad OP, but you have done nothing wrong. Better realising how "unfriendly" she is BEFORE the holiday than during.

Enjoy your break with your friend, the other one might be miffed she didn't manage to con you but it's for her to feel awkward. You made a lot of reasonable suggestions to try to resolve this, there's nothing else you could do - apart from paying for someone else's holiday and be out of pocket, that's not friendship.

Honestly - block them both, ignore and have a nice time on the trip. You haven’t done anything wrong - it was a misunderstanding between the two of you, which could easily have been sorted out by booking another, cheaper hotel. Her sister and her costs are absolutely not your problem. They are both behaving appallingly. Sounds like the friendship is no great loss after all…..

Wow, reading your update, what an overreaction from your friend. It's very poor not to be able to sort out a simple misunderstanding by the time you've reached middle age. That's quite enough attempts to smooth things over from you, it's done now, I'd say. The flight will be ok as you'll be with another friend and it'll be busy. I've been in a similar situation and just put my blinkers on, had a V&T and it was fine.

Enjoy your holiday with your friend and ignore the request to pay the difference of the cost of the flight, they are cf.
The lost of friendship is sad but she was not a decent friend.

Sorry this has happened. They are incredibly cheeky to expect you to pay. I think you’re cutting your losses with this friendship tbh. I hope you and your other friend have a lovely time. Enjoy your trip. Hopefully you aren’t sat near each other on the flight 🤞🏻

I am sorry to hear it's come to this. But don't feel guilty or bad for her. Go on your holiday with your friend and have a great time. I would just tell them good morning/evening if I pass them at the plane but otherwise just concentrate on myself and my friend having a relaxing holiday.

They were wrong to expect you to pay anything, and weird!! You are better off without them.

She's a complete CF.
You did nothing wrong.
Best you know now that is one.
Enjoy your break with your friend and avoid her going forward.
She must have thought you were a bit of a mug.

I would have always assumed we were sharing and, on that basis, your reaction should have been to offer to pay the extra for you to both have your own rooms. Unfortunately your failure to do so has cost you a friendship…

I would have assumed you were sharing as well. But you both should have clearly communicated that l think. Why was she left to book it?