Holiday plans mess - my fault so suck it up?

[weekendersun]

A friend asked me to go on a long weekend break to a popular city abroad, to a place I've always wanted to visit. She knows the city so said she would book the hotel and we both booked our flights individually (on same flight). Hotel paid on arrival - no cancellation fee.

It's in 3 weeks time and I asked yesterday for name of hotel and whether our rooms would be near to each other and other details. To my surprise she told me it was one room and we'd be sharing. This didn't even occur to me, I'm in my 50's and not shared with anyone (apart from ex partner) and have no wish to do so. I like my own bathroom, plus I snore and I often wake in the night to make tea, read etc.

I asked friend if we could book 2 rooms but this would double the cost and she said she can't afford it. I suggested we swap to a cheaper hotel but she doesn't want to do that as likes the hotel she's booked.

She has asked that I don't go and she takes her sister instead. However flights have gone up in price and she feels it's only fair if I reimburse her sister the cost difference between the flight prices, as it's my choice not to go (her words). But I would also lose the cost of my flight as that's not refundable.

I have said I could still go with her and her sister but she's pissed off with me and not responding to my calls or texts, so don't think that's an option.

She can't understand why firstly I won't share and secondly that I'm being difficult in not accepting her alternative plans.

I'm wondering if IABU (although it would really spoil the break for me to share). I also do t think I should pay sisters costs but am I in the wrong?

She could, but that would also incur a cost. Changing the name on flight tickets, especially with certain airlines, can cost as much the price of the flight - so I'm assuming the OP's friend would expect the OP to pay for that as well, as she seems to think this is all the OP's fault despite the fact that it clearly isn't!

Queen is right.

You didn't say you didn't want to go, you just wanted seperate rooms. I don't get why you can't simply book your own room and pay for it? Presuming cost isn't an issue to you as that was what you were expecting. Then surely she can share with sister if that's her way of halving the room cost. If she's not talking to you, that's another matter. Of course you shouldn't be paying her sister? Is this friend trying to make a profit out of you or what? Just don't go and let her ignore you.

Id ask if the sister come too and share the room with her and you can still have your own room. It’s not your fault the flights are
more expensive now.

I think your friendship is going to be pretty much over after this anyway so it’s either lose the cost of the weekend, or go and know you will be on your own for most of it.

My own feelings is that she decided she wanted her sister to come instead of you and is trying to shaft you.

You've booked your flight and as hotel is paid on arrival I'm assuming you haven't paid that. If she's ignoring you she can pay the hotel.

I'd book ia room in a different hotel and still go and ignore her on the flight. But then I'm an old feisty bugger

Also it’s not your fault, I would have assumed separate rooms also. Not your fault AT ALL and don’t let her con you into paying anything more except for your own private room.

If I were you I'd still go. Book yourself a single room in another hotel and let your friend work out what she wants to do.

YABU for assuming separate rooms

I suggest Suck it up, share the room

However, if the friendship is cooling or there is any hassle between you, I'd book a room in a different hotel, and go anyway, having paid for the flights. Going alone can be a challenge the first time, but it can be very rewarding too. Ask me!

Yeah, this is definitely what I would do too. I appreciate that not everyone likes to travel alone, but I definitely think it would be better to try it out than to lose the flights (or pay for someone's grasping sister to go instead)!

If this was me, I would actually slightly enjoy the idea of booking my own hotel, not telling my friend, and then just breezily sitting next to her and her sister on the flight without warning. "Oh, hi! What do you mean, what am I doing here? You didn't think I was going to lose my flights, did you? No, I've booked myself into a really nice hotel to holiday solo instead. Anyway, have a nice trip, enjoy your twin room!" (puts on headphones and eye mask and reclines seat)

*Can't afford her own room but refuses to go somewhere cheaper and now wants to swap you for her sister and wants you to fund it?

She's having a laugh!*

This was a miscommunication, but it isn’t your fault. If the hotel is too expensive for her and cancellable, the obvious thing to do is for her to look for something else. I think sharing is the norm when you’re younger, but I don’t think I’d have assumed it now I’m a bit older (so that’s a bit of a moot point). But she really is into CF territory now.

Can you afford to pay for her half and a room for yourself? I would assume we were sharing unless otherwise discussed.

If I was booking a break with a friend, I’d assume we’d be in the same room, separate rooms wouldn’t have occurred to me. I understand your reasons for wanting your own room though. I’d have booked my own room and still paid for half of hers in this instance, and in the future make sure arrangements are properly discussed when booking any more trips. She might be feeling a bit offended if the reasons why you don’t like sharing haven’t been spoken about?

I would have assumed shared rooms too I can understand why friend is annoyed.

if your friend's sister wants to go, she pays for her own flight. What world do people live in where it's expected someone else pays for your holiday?

Hi OP, just to chime in with all the PPs:

This isn't your mess.

It's a miscommunication between both of you - she assumed sharing, you assumed not. No one's to blame.

You want to go on this trip, so don't cancel your flights. Just book a nice hotel room for yourself and go.

If your friend (who seems from your post to be both cheeky and mardy, and therefore possibly not worth keeping as a friend) ever gets back to you, you could kindly offer to cover half her room costs - assuming this is less than the cost of your flights?

That way she can keep her cheap posh hotel room and you still don't have to share.

Asking you to not go, lose your flights, and pay towards her sister's flights - that is BEYOND cheeky and honestly verging on MENTAL.

IMHO she's the unreasonable one for not just cancelling the hotel room and switching to somewhere cheaper where you can both be comfortable!

In your shoes I'd probably go alone - and I'm sure you'll have a lovely time!

can you get a twin room?

I think most people would usually share when going away unless explicitly agreeing to have separate rooms however ideally these are the things you discuss before booking. If you haven't confirmed this and it was a hard boundary for you then this is your fault. I think it would be fair to pay the 1.5 as others have said and have your own room that way.

If you didn’t agree to share, then it’s her fault for assuming you would. She has the option to choose a hotel she can afford and is refusing.
If I were you I’d go myself, and book my own room in a hotel of your choosing! Tell her nothing of your plans but make sure to wave at her on the flight.

I think most people would usually share when going away unless explicitly agreeing to have separate rooms
I think the exact opposite- which kinds of explains the issue here.
It sounds like the two of you will have a strained time if you go together now after these conversations anyway.
In your position I would go on the city break by myself and bin her as she is being so inflexible with your suggestions.

In my world the default assumption for 2 friends travelling together would be a shared room so I think you are at fault for not making it clear that you are not prepared to share rooms at the point when your friend was booking the hotel

As to the best resolution I am really not sure what is fair and depends somewhat how keen you are to salvage the friendship

If you want to avoid a fall out and anyone incurring extra unnecessary expense then the obvious solution would be just to go with the shared room even if it isn't what you really want

I don't think you did anything wrong, I would not be expecting to share a room. That's one heck of an assumption on your friends part.

Personally I'd pay for another hotel room.

I am wondering why people are saying it is the norm to share while younger but not older? What is the cut off point? 30s? 40s? Is it because of more funds (usually)? Or because we get smellier and 'snorey' as we age?

I’m shocked people think you should pay for half of her room when she has the option to move hotel to one she can actually afford and is choosing not to!

You are at fault here. I would assume that going with a friend we would have a twin room

You're really unreasonable doubling the cist of her accomadation 3 weeks to go because you wanted your own rolm. You ahousl have been explicit at the time of booking. Her sister can buy your flight and pay for the change of name (i would offer to pay that as its your fault ) thar way you get your refund on your flight too

I guess the moral here is in any situation at all if something is important then say so at the start.
too many assumptions in life and then there is misunderstandings.

And in circumstances where someone can’t or won’t be flexible due to something like a medical reason or feeling really uncomfortable (such as sharing a room or needing own bathroom) be even more crystal clear. No ifs, buts, maybes or assumptions!