MIL and washing my child...

[sibk]

I have posted here before about this, but my post was removed and I don't know why.

I'll try and say it again, slightly differently.

My MIL seems obsessed with my DD's hygiene. Since she was a baby. Telling me not to use wet wipes and use water for example. It sort of stared with that.

She'd often say it's better just to wash them at nappy changes, rather than use wipes. Apparently she used to always wash her children at nappy changes.

Since my DD is toilet trained, it's like every time she goes to the toilet with her ( she sort of invites herself in ). She always goes on about how she needs to be washed.

MIL doesn't look after DD a lot but whenever she does go to her house, DD tells me that she washes her. It's like she's always making a massive deal out of her hygiene.

MIL would also often tell me that DD went to the toilet and was only cleaned with toilet paper and I should wash her. Etc.

I told her I find it a bit annoying to be constantly reminded of having to wash my child. She also claims DD says it ' hurts '. Even when I'm right in ear shot, DD will be on the toilet and MIL will be hovering over her and saying ' it hurts doesn't it ', then DD will say ' no ' and MIL reports back saying DD is sore.

I can't help but think she thinks there's a problem ( since birth ) in how I wash my child or something and I find it annoying and intrusive.

For the record, I bathe DD regularly and I also wash her in between, just to make sure she's fresh and clean. So I don't really see what her issue is. But like I said, it's been like this since birth.

I find it instructive and just annoying. DD went over last week and said she was washed there when I suggested to wash before bed, she said ' but grandma already washed me '. It pisses me off. Am I being ridiculous ?

Stop sending her over, you don't like what she's doing

I can't tell if this is horrendously intrusive and controlling, or very creepy. Either way, it doesn't seem like a good idea to let her look after your DD, or take her to the toilet, or anything unsupervised.

I just think it's a bit intrusive, nothing sinister going on.

Must just be a thing for her to beat me up over !

What's MIL's background? Some countries use bidets rather than loo roll and so find us rather unhygienic.

Is it cultural, does she use a bum gun?

I would stop her accompanying your daughter to the toilet. It's weird she would do this if you're there. It's none of her business.

Yes so we have bidets and so does MIL. It's definitely a thing, but a thing we also do at home so not sure why we need reminding.

DD has a bath and if she doesn't, she has a bidet daily.

Deletion will be because of people sharing stories about washing children.

Is she from a culture where paper is not the norm, washing is?

Or a dettol bath culture?

One of mine reacted badly to wipes so I probably sounded like a fuss pot when I saw people using only wipes on very small babies. We had to use oils or lotions and cotton wool.

I am not weird. Just sharing knowledge.

That's creepy. Could she have OCD? Is she particular about her own hygiene? Maybe she's been doing this for years but you only notice when applied to your daughter?

How old is DD? When they're fully toilet trained but in early days of sorting out their own wiping, hygiene is not always the strongest. You just have to get through it until the message sinks in and they get better at wiping.

Yah I feel the same. I don't like it. Mainly because there's always a comment after.

She sort of invites herself to go with her. I feel to check or something that all is clean.

I would very, very firmly say to MIL "please leave the bathroom / toilet, DD is using the toilet and it is absolutely not ok for you to be in here with her". Why the hell is she allowed in the toilet when you're there anyway??

I find this weird and if it were a man the alarm bells would be ringing. Keep MIL away from your child in the loo etc.

No she's not from a culture where they don't use toilet paper.

My babies never reacted to wipes of any kind. It was fine.

But it's a very strange message for your child, especially as she gets older.Just because it's not abusive doesn't mean the message isn't damaging.

That ^^ start protecting her privacy now before she gets any older

She clearly has issues herself, and she is going to pass those on to your DD if you are not careful.

Can you not say no to this woman?

I would be standing in front of the door saying no. Telling her that her behaviour is at best weird and worst obsessive and damaging to my child.

I would be saying if you continue then you will have no contact.

Yea, I'd just stand at the door too - or just close it Behind you.

I would be telling her to back off. Damn sure nobody is repeatedly sending my child the message that they're unclean.

Tbh I said something like this a while ago.

I said, you seem like you're insinuating I don't wash my child. Please stop talking about her toileting and washing. She's 4 now. No need for this and I feel like you're insinuating lack of cleanliness.

I told her that DD won't go to her house again if this is always the feedback.

I actually felt really and after as MIL got upset and cried. But you're making me feel better.

Since then, she's stopped commenting on it. But then DD told me she washed her and that pissed me off. MIL never told me she washed her. But I'm glad I didn't over react because I was feeling really bad about what I said to MIL.

Don't let your DD go over there unaccompanied

Stop allowing her into the bathroom when DD is in there

Sorted

Definitely this.
MIL is entitled to have obsessions about her own hygiene, but not to interfere with how you bath/wash your child.
If you don't put a stop to this, there's a danger your DD will develop obsessions of her own about excessive washing, feeling dirty and ashamed etc

She has no respect for your parenting. You dd will be getting a complex about being unclean of it continues... No unsupervised time with mil.