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Original poster

DH took our DD2 trampolining in her pyjamas

345 replies

Edenmum2 · 30/06/2024 23:06

I don't know why it annoyed me so much. He has her one-on-one on Sunday mornings (I have a lie in as I do all night wakings) and took her trampolining. He had 2 hours to get her up and ready. Im pretty sure he didn't clean her teeth either. Definitely didn't brush her hair.

He turns up at lunch time all proud of himself and she's still in her pyjamas! Now filthy because they went to the park after.

I don't want to be a nag, I don't want to be negative, I love them bonding and I'm appreciative of him taking her but I just can't shake the fact that his standards for her are so much lower than mine. Like every time I leave her in his care she looks like she's been dragged through a hedge backwards. Really I can't think he has any other reason to not get her dressed beyond 'I couldn't be bothered'

Am I being a terrible nag? Would it bother you? I just feel like I take on all the mental load of her entire life and he can't even be bothered to get her dressed.

Would it bother you?

OP posts:
Fat2fitter · 30/06/2024 23:08

Yes it would bother me.

Simply because it shows a lack of care.

He managed to get himself dressed I assume? So he knows you don't go.out in your PJs.

Why does he think he doesn't need to dress her, comb her hair or brush her teeth?
It's basic care.

Peeny · 30/06/2024 23:11

Does he often take her out without giving her face and hands a wash, her hair a brush and changing her into day clothes? That’s just laziness on his part tbh, there’s absolutely no excuse for not changing a child after they’ve got up.

Anyotherdude · 30/06/2024 23:11

He is probably helping you in that you now only need to wash her pyjamas! At 2, it really doesn’t matter - but I would bring him up to speed about teeth/hair, leaving the getting dressed to later. Nobody minds if a toddler is dressed in pj’s - and some pj’s look just like leisure wear, anyway…

CointreauVersial · 30/06/2024 23:11

Did she have fun? It's not the end of the world.....she'll survive one day with unbrushed hair and all-day PJs if she's had a great bonding day with her dad, and you've had a lie-in.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 30/06/2024 23:12

Of course it would bother me.

Also, would he go out in pair of pyjamas?

I sincerely doubt it.

Haggisfish3 · 30/06/2024 23:12

Meh. I couldn’t get too worked up about it.

Buttoneyed · 30/06/2024 23:14

CointreauVersial · 30/06/2024 23:11

Did she have fun? It's not the end of the world.....she'll survive one day with unbrushed hair and all-day PJs if she's had a great bonding day with her dad, and you've had a lie-in.

But it’s just accepting the shit standards from the dad that you just wouldn’t accept from the mum and it’s not right. It’s a basic minimum to get your child dressed, brush their hair and teeth and do nice things with them. He shouldn’t be proud of himself for taking his own child trampolining and not even making sure she’s clean. And really it shouldn’t be accepted like ah bless dad, at least they had fun

StarDolphins · 30/06/2024 23:14

As a one off, this wouldn’t bother me. It’s good to do something crazy once in a while!😁 As long as he’s mostly responsible!

Wolfiefan · 30/06/2024 23:15

So he is a hands on parent for a few hours and is proud of himself. But can’t manage to ensure she’s actually dressed? Is he a useless manchild in other ways?

thistimelastweek · 30/06/2024 23:15

Yes it would bother me but I'm not sure it would bother me for the right reasons.

It would bother me because I wouldn't want people to judge.

Meanwhile, she probably had a great time with her dad and her teeth and hair won't suffer from a two hour delay in attention .

But I'd ask him to sort it out next time.

Mouldyfoodhelp · 30/06/2024 23:15

TwattyMcFuckFace · 30/06/2024 23:12

Of course it would bother me.

Also, would he go out in pair of pyjamas?

I sincerely doubt it.

I doubt he'd also poo in a nappy or the two year old would go to work. Almost like we have different expectations of what's appropriate or OK at different ages

Rambly · 30/06/2024 23:15

As a one off, I could get over the pajamas. As a regular pattern, not ok.

But not brushing teeth is lazy and neglectful.

Babadook76 · 30/06/2024 23:16

You’ll get loads of replies now acting like he’s father of the year as she’s been fed and taken out to lovely places, but no, doing fun activities does not make up for pure neglect for basic care and hygiene. My DD’s dad was like this. I trusted him to get her ready and take her to nursery ONCE. I came home to find he’d got her up in the morning, fed her an old pot of baby purée spaghetti bolognese for breakfast (she was 3 and fuck knows where he’d even found that), got her dressed and dropped her off at nursery. When I picked her up her hair was a show, she had sleep and crust around her eyes and mouth and her breath stank. When I pulled him all I got was ‘well she was fucking fed, dressed AND I got her to school’!!! The thing that fucked me off was that he NEVER leaves the house unless he is absolutely immaculate, I couldn’t understand how with his high standards for himself that he didn’t feel ashamed af for leaving his child smelly and dirty for school

JoniBlue · 30/06/2024 23:16

This reply has been deleted

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MrsTerryPratchett · 30/06/2024 23:16

He is probably helping you in that you now only need to wash her pyjamas!

Fuck me do men not do the washing either?

So he can't do basic care, look after her health (teeth), have her dressed properly or, according to you, clean her clothes.

I'm going to have a bloody medal made for DH. It turns out he's some kind of superhuman. Because he can not only clean and dress a child, he can also switch a washing machine on.

Olidorjo · 30/06/2024 23:17

We took our children on holiday in their PJs when they were toddlers for the early flights! My children never went out in PJs for a normal day out .

Thanksforreading · 30/06/2024 23:18

I wouldn’t be too bothered about the pjs, I pretty sure my DH can not tell which t shirts and shorts are pjs and which ones are for going out with our toddler. So even if he changed her it would have been from pjs to another set of pjs- or thrown all the clothes upside down in the draws and that would oiss me off even more.
I would have issues with the brushing teeth, hair brushing and face washing not being done first thing in the morning as part of her routine.

CelesteCunningham · 30/06/2024 23:18

It would bother me.

By the end of the day my DDs typically look like they've been dragged through a hedge backwards and I'm fine with that. But they start the day clean, teeth brushed (obviously!!!) and appropriately dressed for the day ahead.

That's pretty basic stuff.

Does he resent your morning off, is this strategic incompetence?

Babadook76 · 30/06/2024 23:18

CointreauVersial · 30/06/2024 23:11

Did she have fun? It's not the end of the world.....she'll survive one day with unbrushed hair and all-day PJs if she's had a great bonding day with her dad, and you've had a lie-in.

So every single day the op manages to wash her daughter, brush her teeth and hair and actually get her dressed. But how dare the poor lamb of a father be expected to follow similar standards for the one day he has her, the op has to be grateful she actually got a lie in ffs

StarDolphins · 30/06/2024 23:19

Buttoneyed · 30/06/2024 23:14

But it’s just accepting the shit standards from the dad that you just wouldn’t accept from the mum and it’s not right. It’s a basic minimum to get your child dressed, brush their hair and teeth and do nice things with them. He shouldn’t be proud of himself for taking his own child trampolining and not even making sure she’s clean. And really it shouldn’t be accepted like ah bless dad, at least they had fun

Show quote history

Accepting shit standards? For one day?🤣 there’s a hell of a lot worse he could do. Nowhere in the op does it suggest that he regularly doesn’t brush her hair/teeth.

There will be men out there that dress their child, brush their hair etc then do fuck all with them the rest of the day while they sit on Minecraft all day.

NinaPersson · 30/06/2024 23:19

I wouldn’t be bothered if sye looked scruffy but the pjs are a no no

Toddlerteaplease · 30/06/2024 23:20

Maybe he thought that trampolining would be easier in pyjamas. Doesn't excuse not brushing her hair etc.

wombat15 · 30/06/2024 23:20

Some people's standards are low. Do people not get dressed themselves and brush teeth and hair before going out?

CelesteCunningham · 30/06/2024 23:21

Anyotherdude · 30/06/2024 23:11

He is probably helping you in that you now only need to wash her pyjamas! At 2, it really doesn’t matter - but I would bring him up to speed about teeth/hair, leaving the getting dressed to later. Nobody minds if a toddler is dressed in pj’s - and some pj’s look just like leisure wear, anyway…

The first line of this. Dear sweet zombie jesus.

wombat15 · 30/06/2024 23:22

StarDolphins · 30/06/2024 23:19

Accepting shit standards? For one day?🤣 there’s a hell of a lot worse he could do. Nowhere in the op does it suggest that he regularly doesn’t brush her hair/teeth.

There will be men out there that dress their child, brush their hair etc then do fuck all with them the rest of the day while they sit on Minecraft all day.

Edited
Show quote history

Do you sometimes go out without dressing, or brushing your teeth too? Grim.