DH took our DD2 trampolining in her pyjamas

[Edenmum2]

I don't know why it annoyed me so much. He has her one-on-one on Sunday mornings (I have a lie in as I do all night wakings) and took her trampolining. He had 2 hours to get her up and ready. Im pretty sure he didn't clean her teeth either. Definitely didn't brush her hair.

He turns up at lunch time all proud of himself and she's still in her pyjamas! Now filthy because they went to the park after.

I don't want to be a nag, I don't want to be negative, I love them bonding and I'm appreciative of him taking her but I just can't shake the fact that his standards for her are so much lower than mine. Like every time I leave her in his care she looks like she's been dragged through a hedge backwards. Really I can't think he has any other reason to not get her dressed beyond 'I couldn't be bothered'

Am I being a terrible nag? Would it bother you? I just feel like I take on all the mental load of her entire life and he can't even be bothered to get her dressed.

Would it bother you?

Did they have fun? Everyone was safe and well?

it’s not a crime - yes sloppy and lazy but for a few hours it’s not anything to get worked up about

The comments here are depressing. The bar for men is so low it's a tavern in hades.

Unless it was a complete one off, then it’s unacceptable.

I despair for women on this site sometimes and what they expect for men to bring to the table.

Why do you mollycoddle your husband so? What an charmed life he must lead. Do you have boys he's role modelling for?

He wants you to kick off so he has an excuse not to do it anymore. Alternatively, he wants to demonstrate that he is incompetent so you don't let him do it anymore. These are old tactics to get out of doing shit. One day of no teeth brushed won't hurt her. It's better not to take the bait at all.

Sometimes if we were going out to a morning activity and I knew my son would have second breakfast or a cake or whatever there, I'd brush his teeth after the event, then obviously as normal at night.

My DH always said at that age "everything looks like pjs" which I rolled my eyes at even though technically it wasn't far off as everything was leggings/joggers and t shirt.

I'd say if he's usually on top of things I wouldn't get too worked up but understand what posters are saying about the bar for care being so much lower for dads!

Thanks for all the replies - to answer a few questions - this is the first time he's taken her out in her pj's but the hair and teeth thing is a regular occurrence.

Yes she's 2 years old.

Defo the pyjamas she had on the night before and he is perfectly capable of finding clothes for her.

No he never leaves her in dirty nappies

The reason it annoyed me because it just seemed so lazy - I want him to have higher standards for our daughter. Of course she had fun and didn't care but it's that HE didn't care that annoys me.

Sorry are you trying to say that mothers magically know how to take care of children or something? Because that's not true.

I’d be far more concerned with the parenting dynamics, you don’t need to “appreciate” him doing a few hours solo parenting. Maybe he needs to do his fair share of night wakes instead. Although I’m surprised a child that’s big enough for a trampoline park would be waking lots at night.

am just puzzled. How come some husbands dont even know the difference between normal clothes and pyjamas? For the women saying this and declaring they are fine, what else cant their husband not differentiate? what skills do women have that help them differentiate that men are utterly unable to gain competence in?

I despair. There are really men who are incapable of deciding what to put on a child, to brush her hair, to supervise teeth cleaning? That's basic care. No, nobody died, but it's hardly good parenting, which is not just about trampolining but about having good caring standards for your own child.

I agree. Dresses on backwards? Stuff that's too small? How ridiculous.

I'm just wondering what's on that Y chromosome which makes them so incapable to meet basic needs.

I'd be incredibly annoyed! You need to know that if anything happened to you e.g. you needed to stay in hospital for some reason, that you can rely on your partner to do a good job of parenting your child. Different parenting styles are fine, but basics like hair and teeth brushed and getting dressed in the morning are non negotiable.

Is this a joke

It's not magic. It's basic parenting.

As, say, a spontaneous one off (hey get your shoes on and let's go!) I'd just let it go but it would bother me if it was how he regularly took care of her because failing to deal with such basic things as dressing and hygiene shows he is either unwilling or incapable of taking appropriate care of her. That is concerning.

I couldn't get too worked up about it. Two year olds are hard and sometimes needs must. I would however have a conversation with him to establish an agreed standard that we're working towards. As in, day clothes, hair brush, teeth clean minimum. To my mind, he did the hard part which is tiring her out and letting you lie in. I wouldn't shit on that personally.

Wanting your child to get dressed and have their hair brushed is not micromanaging. It is the most basic of standards to have.