DH took our DD2 trampolining in her pyjamas

[Edenmum2]

I don't know why it annoyed me so much. He has her one-on-one on Sunday mornings (I have a lie in as I do all night wakings) and took her trampolining. He had 2 hours to get her up and ready. Im pretty sure he didn't clean her teeth either. Definitely didn't brush her hair.

He turns up at lunch time all proud of himself and she's still in her pyjamas! Now filthy because they went to the park after.

I don't want to be a nag, I don't want to be negative, I love them bonding and I'm appreciative of him taking her but I just can't shake the fact that his standards for her are so much lower than mine. Like every time I leave her in his care she looks like she's been dragged through a hedge backwards. Really I can't think he has any other reason to not get her dressed beyond 'I couldn't be bothered'

Am I being a terrible nag? Would it bother you? I just feel like I take on all the mental load of her entire life and he can't even be bothered to get her dressed.

Would it bother you?

Why should I do anything about it?
It's not for me to instruct DH on how to behave.

She still wakes sometimes, not sure what 'can't be right' about this? I wake during the night a lot too. Sometimes I need a drink. Sometimes I have a bad dream. Why would my 2 year old waking in the night be any different?

Quick parent poll - whose 2 year old NEVER wakes in the night?

My best friend's 4 year old still wakes multiple times. I have friends with children older than my daughter who have never slept through. You saying that it 'can't be right' is pretty bewildering to be honest.

my littlest woke up several times a night until she turned 4. At best twice at worst hourly. She now sleeps through. Every kids different. The oldest slept through since 1 1/2

Very normal for a two year old to still wake in the night. My second slept better at 1 than she did at 2, or indeed 3.

ETA not ok and hopefully not normal for those wakenings not to be shared.

Quite depressed to see this thread still going and women still excusing a man's shitty parenting.

It would massively bother me, how long does it take to get a child dressed, brush their hair and clean her teeth? Sorry but that’s basic and I’d be furious he took her out like that. So lazy

I would roll my eyes (privately) but we did 50/ 50 parenting duties and I quickly realised that I needed to back off from DH’s parenting choices on his watch because otherwise I was never free of the mental load. And would veer into controlling.

Dc went out in some bizarre outfits and ate some unusual (but not less healthy) food combinations. Shrug

Pyjamas: I wouldn’t do it but it doesn’t really have any practical impact for a small child.

Teeth cleaning: I would talk about a shared responsibility for a non negotiable routine over teeth to avoid tantrums, refusal or lax habits in future.

Yet again, someone having to teach a manchild because he can't possibly work things out for himself.

It must be difficult being a mother to your husband?

My 3 yo still wakes most nights. My older kids did at that age too. They sleep through now and there seems to be nothing ‘not right’ about them.

My 3 year old still wakes. Totally normal OP 😘

Live a little??

And does that mean taking DC out in pjajamas, hair unbrushed, teeth unbrushed?

Not the end of the world for one day

My youngest was an amazing sleeper as a baby… and then from the age of about 18m woke most nights until she went to school. That one nearly broke me! Some children just don’t settle well, are more anxious etc. There is nothing abnormal about a 2yo waking up.

The other examples you gave about your DH do present a picture of taking the easy route. The calpol one is the most telling I think. 2 year olds can’t be relied upon for decision making and he’s trying to do the minimum while placing that on a very small child so yes I would be annoyed at the broader pattern of behaviour.

So you revived a thread that died weeks ago for the sake of your smart comment?

Ok...

Did you read the thread? You realise it's about OP struggling?

But the problem is that it isn't "for one day". This is how the child's father parents all the time. It's not good enough.

OP, you say that he never leaves her in dirty nappies but then you describe him failing to change a pooey one when she was in the garden, so I'm gathering that what you mean is that he doesn't leave her in dirty nappies when he's in sole charge of her but when you're around he flakes out and leaves it to you? That's completely unacceptable, as per the Calpol incident (and the toothbrushing, or lack thereof...) you're right that he just doesn't seem to want to do the difficult bits of parenting.

I'd suggest that next time something like the nappy happens you refuse to pick up the pieces for him, don't go and deal with it yourself, if she sits in it and makes it harder to clean then make him do it - but that makes you his mum, not his wife. I'm not really sure what the solution is here, but I suspect it involves an extremely serious conversation and him doing a massive 180 if there's any chance of his relationship surviving and not suffering death by a thousand cuts and the resulting resentment.

He needs to step up about a million steps. Does he ever accuse you of "nagging" him (also known as a woman being forced to repeat a request for a man to do something that he should already have done all by himself without needing to be asked at all)?