To not support 17 year old DS in getting a car?

[TrickStan]

DH and DS are both badgering me about getting him driving for his 17th birthday. I completely disagree.

We’ve costed lessons, a cheap but decent car and insurance and it is already looking at around £7k. Although we do have that money, we are currently also trying to redecorate and redo areas of our house and garden, we aren’t quite sure of costings yet.

My main issue with it, aside from the up front cost, is that I do not want to fund the ongoing costs of another car. We already have two between DH and I, and I can already foresee DS coming to us asking for petrol money, insurance, MOT, servicing, repairs (which let’s face it, on an older car is quite likely!) I didn’t get a car until I had a proper ‘adult’ job, had left education and could afford all costs. I’ve said he could do lessons and his test, then think about a car once he’s finished college but he’s moaning.

Their solution is that DS will get a job. But, as I’ve explained to them both, he might find keeping a job and doing his A Levels plus social life a struggle… also all of his earnings would be going on the car! When I pointed this out to DH, he said that DS can just sell the car if he can’t afford it, which I think is ridiculous and will only lead to DS being more upset than if he hadn’t had the car in the first place.

AIBU to think a car for most 17 year olds is pretty silly? We do not live rurally. We are within walking distance of a train and we have access to buses. Plus we have never been tight about giving him / his friends lifts.

I was very much like this but DS has paid for everything himself. He is broke but he prefers broke to being without his car now.

Is it the car that's your issue or the driving lessons as well?

At that age I was given the privilege of sharing my parents car which was brilliant of them.

Needless to say it was dented very quickly.

I loved saving up for my own car in my twenties it was a real right of passage.

It’s the on going costs really. Insurance is ridiculous, and won’t be much cheaper next time round. Plus servicing, MOTs, anything going wrong. DS will need to be saving thousands to ensure he can afford it all!

YABU to think a car for a 17 year old is purely about getting from one place to another.

Making sure your kids leave home with a driving licence, if you can afford to do so, is a key part of parenting. To put decorating and sorting the garden ahead of that is pathetic, IMO. Get him lessons and he can practice on your car. You don't have to buy him a car but you should help him get his licence.

Learning to drive is always expensive. In fact it will only get more expensive not cheaper. Both ours have learnt to drive at 17 and now share a car (they are 20 and 17) and pay for it all themselves. They have a licence so never need to fins that money ever again. It's made life infinitely easier!

Do you support him learning to drive regardless of whether or not you get him a car?

@radio4everyday I have said he can do lessons, learn to drive and get his license. But I don’t want to fund the ongoing £££ it will cost if we buy DS a car.

Learning to drive doesn't mean buying him his own car. I do think getting lessons is important and best done as soon as turn 17 if you can afford it. This doesn't mean he needs to own a car though.

I think agree for the driving lessons because having a driving licence could be useful at some point for getting a job, and also driving lessons are not going to suddenly get cheaper in the next few years. Make sure he knows this is in lieu of birthday and Christmas presents. Leave the question of a car until he has the licence.

I think he needs first to get a job, show he can manage that and a social life and still perform academically then I'd support him. Definitely in that order though.

Fair enough. I doubt most 17 year olds get bought a car.

I think it's worthwhile helping him pay for the driving lessons. It's such a useful life skill.

I agree with you about getting a car though. I guess if he - after passing his test - can show that he's costed it properly and saved the money up front to pay for the first year, then that's fair enough.

Could he not share one of your cars? It honestly never occurred to me to buy my kids their own cars. We have a small second car they use. We paid for lessons and to insure them because we actually don't have great public transport here and it actually makes our lives easier now they can drive themselves places

He definitely needs a job. I worked from age 15 and got excellent grades, it’s a good skill to balance work and studies. Can you offer to pay for a certain number of driving lessons? I definitely wouldn’t get him a car through. I only had a car when I started working full time.

I think ensuring kids have the opportunity to learn to drive is a fundamental part of parenting. That doesn't need to involve buying him his own car; if he could share yours then that would be good enough. Personally I will be helping my kids get their own car and get driving experience as I know too many people who did lessons, passed their test and then never drove again because they didn't have a car, and by the time they could afford one they had lost the skill and confidence.

Lol it really isn't.

Getting him lessons is a good start, that will take a while especially if you tell your ds to organise it all. Worry/decide about the actual car later.

We ended up getting ds a used run around for his 18th, and we got rid of one of our cars as we didn’t really need it anymore as we were not running ds everywhere, ds could give us a lift, or we could borrow ds’s car.

Just do lessons, and insure him on one of your cars then. We bought DD a car as we only have one between us, but otherwise would not have done.

I genuinely do not know a single 17 year old without a car although some share with a sibling.

Getting his driving lessons sorted and a licence is a good move for future independence.

In terms of a vehicle, what about a moped (you can get them that are more motorbike in look and feel)

Me and my brothers all had mopeds from age 16, this was early 2000s. We lived rurally, 3 miles from the nearest bus stop and it gave us independence. More importantly the insurance was cheap and meant we had a couple of years of no claims bonus by the time we got our first cars which helped bring down the cost.

Petrol, Tax and insurance for a moped were very cheap, can't say I've looked recently but hopefully that's still the case.

We bought a car for our eldest when they were17 and they now share with a sibling. I run it in that I tax insure MOT it and they contribute to petrol. To be honest it’s as much for me as for them as it is a massive help I don’t need to cart them around

There is no way on this earth I would allow my child to ride a moped. Far too risky

I actually disagree with many of your points and a wondering your viewpoint. Surely you have thought about all this and planned at least a year ago. What does ds say about the job and petrol costs. My ds1 managed nicely and his job at screwfix paid for petrol.