To not support 17 year old DS in getting a car?

[TrickStan]

DH and DS are both badgering me about getting him driving for his 17th birthday. I completely disagree.

We’ve costed lessons, a cheap but decent car and insurance and it is already looking at around £7k. Although we do have that money, we are currently also trying to redecorate and redo areas of our house and garden, we aren’t quite sure of costings yet.

My main issue with it, aside from the up front cost, is that I do not want to fund the ongoing costs of another car. We already have two between DH and I, and I can already foresee DS coming to us asking for petrol money, insurance, MOT, servicing, repairs (which let’s face it, on an older car is quite likely!) I didn’t get a car until I had a proper ‘adult’ job, had left education and could afford all costs. I’ve said he could do lessons and his test, then think about a car once he’s finished college but he’s moaning.

Their solution is that DS will get a job. But, as I’ve explained to them both, he might find keeping a job and doing his A Levels plus social life a struggle… also all of his earnings would be going on the car! When I pointed this out to DH, he said that DS can just sell the car if he can’t afford it, which I think is ridiculous and will only lead to DS being more upset than if he hadn’t had the car in the first place.

AIBU to think a car for most 17 year olds is pretty silly? We do not live rurally. We are within walking distance of a train and we have access to buses. Plus we have never been tight about giving him / his friends lifts.

I worked at least 30 hours a week through GCSEs and A levels (I moved out at 17 and had bills to pay!). That’s long before minimum wage at £2.75 an hour, plus tips! It was plenty to cover car costs.

I would have liked to do the usual driving lessons at 17, share a car with us (we have 2 so could have a second slightly older and lower performance car for insurance). But we did buy the older two cars at 18 so do really need to do the same for the younger ones.

Your car costs back in the day certainly did not include insurance of over £2k (if he’s lucky, most are more!) though, never mind everything else which has also skyrocketed.

DS cannot be on our cars, we’ve already looked into it. DH has a ridiculous speed machine, I have a large SUV. And no, we’re not prepared to sell / swap our cars in order to make it affordable for DS. We’ve both worked very hard to get our luxury cars.

Can he not just learn to drive first? Then once he had passed he can either save up himself or can he be insured on one of your cars? Both my brother and I were named drivers on our mums small car when we were teens.

My 16 yrs old worked evenings and saved for her lessons. We bought the first 10 for her 17th. She carried on saving and working evenings and had enough to.buy a little car. We gave her 1k towards it for her 18th. If she hadnt paid for it herself there's now way we would have Kids are handed everything these days. It does them no good.

If you have a pair of luxury cars that you’re not prepared to sell then you can more than afford to help your DS out. It’s called parental sacrifice.

I think if he wants to fund a car himself that's fine - he needs to get the job first and start saving.

Plenty of kids have part time jobs and manage A levels. Mine both did.

We did actually pay for their driving lessons and DS didn't drive again until he was doing his year in industry placement (we spent the preceding summer with him driving me everywhere in the car to refresh his driving skills)

Let him get a licence first. It's a valuable life skill

I grew up in a village and it changed my life

You're thinking too far ahead. Licence first and then go from there

My dad downgraded his car when my DS and I were old enough to drive. We both were offered lessons.

I passed at 17 and was insured on their car until i was 23 and bought my own (I know it wasn't as expensive then)
I didn't even live with them the whole time, but did go to uni quite nearby.

My sister got a BF with a car then married him and thought she had no need for lessons as he brought her everywhere. Then once she got a new job she realised she needed to drive asap. At 27 she found it more difficult and is still a nervous driver.

I would let him learn as soon as he is 17 and if possible insure him on a family car, which he could contribute to as a compromise.

Ours got their own car when they got a degree, until then they shared my car. Last one got a car last year. Including insurance for a year. He was 22 it was £1800 on a £5k car.

At university they didn't need a car at all. But if they hadn't gone and needed one sooner we'd have to have got one I guess.

OP you just sound plain mean - like you don’t actually want your son to gain this incredibly useful life skill. You have the means to help him out so why are you so against it?

Again from my own experience if you’re pushing him down a get a job pay for your car route then just be warned my grades at a level suffered from what was predicted because I had a job over the weekend and didn’t revise as much as I had for my gcse’s before I had a job. Still fine but could’ve been better I think, and just too tired from school plus working plus social life.

if you’re not insuring him on the two household cars already I’m not sure where there’s a compromise. maybe just get his lessons done first though he’s obviously benefit and pass quicker by being taken out too.

I paid for a few of my ds’s driving lessons but he paid for most of them and his tests by working at a part time job whilst doing his a levels. A part time job doesn’t have to affect his studies. There was never any question of us buying him a car as he knows we can’t afford it. I got him insured on mine for a month before he leaves for uni, but that’s it! He’s nearly 19 and it’s simply not my responsibility to fund this for him. Might sound harsh to some, but the reality is that I cannot afford it, luckily he’s understanding and he’s never pushed the issue.
I’d stand firm if I was you, a car is NOT a neccessity.

Team dad and son.

Get the lessons and the car. They are more important than having your house decorated.

I think the logical solution is that you fund lessons, he gets a job, and when he passes his test and has savings, you look at buying a car IF he can prove he can actually pay the running costs of it.

If he can't, no car until he can.

I think it's harsh to put him off getting a job to run things himself, but equally I think its bloody stupid to waste all that money buying a car and insuring it, much of which you wouldn't get back if you then had to sell the car soon afterwards.

I was insured on my dad's until after I graduated then saved up and bought my own, I got buses and trains to sixth form and work, I went to uni in Durham where nothing is more than a fifteen minute walk and when I was at home I used my dad's in the evening when he was home from work, if they were going anywhere they took my mum's car mainly anyway.
If you have two can't he be insured on one of them until he can save up for a car?

Check insurance where you need a black box fitted. Often brings the price down

The cheapest insurance on an old, decent car is £3k.

We aren’t wealthy by any means. We have worked hard for the nice things we have. We don’t have thousands saved to fund another car and all the expenses that come with it, hence the DS job suggestion.

Can he not use his Child Trust fund to get a car?

https://www.gocompare.com/ps/car-insurance/telematics-insurance/?media=A174628&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw4f6zBhBVEiwATEHFVoKTOtYybkwYUR3S7xKWvH8gWyUWYeJmNTO-IYZ2OwBgzgG2oJ5OohoCbUYQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Look at black box insurance @TrickStan it also means they have to be extra extra careful when driving and should lower the cost

@FeistyFrankie We have the funds to pay for the initial amount (approx 7k), if we are prepared to leave ourselves with little in the way of savings. What we don’t have is the £4k+ it will cost next time round, when the insurance is still skyrocketing, he needs MOT, tax, service, repairs etc.

Their solution is that DS will get a job. But, as I’ve explained to them both, he might find keeping a job and doing his A Levels plus social life a struggle…

Thats life. I got my first job waiting tables when I was 17. I was on £5.40 an hour (and tips) and saved every penny to fund my driving lessons. I still did my A-Levels and had a good social life. Life is for living. Life is for meeting different people and throwing yourself out of your comfort zone. Not for just studying.

If you don’t want to pay for his driving, that’s fine. But don’t discourage him from wanting to get a job to pay for it.

Why cant he get a job and save? My mum wasn't struggling at all when I was 17 but she made sure I worked because she wasn't going to be funding every single thing for me and wanted me to learn and get experience. My studies never suffered from it. Also the same goes for driving she let me know she had done her bit and wasn't going to be dropping me of here there and everywhere when I was physically able to drive. I shared a cheap but reliable car with my sister and it was fine. When I wasn't able to physically drive for medical reasons later on she was absolutely fine with it and often gave me lifts when I needed. It's about helping him to help himself

I thought this was going to be a safety/anxiety thing.
I can’t believe anyone wouldn’t support their child to get a job and drive?
As soon as I was approaching 16 my parents were non stop about me getting a job, myself and my friends all had jobs by age 17 and managed it fine alongside GCSEs and A levels. We all got provisionals after turning 17 and most parents paid for lessons. Once we’d passed tests there was a mix but most people shared a parents car or a parent got a better car and gave the old one to their teen. It then meant we could drive ourselves to our jobs and didn’t need lifts every 5 minutes! One of my friends though didn’t get any help and didn’t end up driving until her mid 20s and became extremely nervous about it.
just support him!