To not support 17 year old DS in getting a car?

[TrickStan]

DH and DS are both badgering me about getting him driving for his 17th birthday. I completely disagree.

We’ve costed lessons, a cheap but decent car and insurance and it is already looking at around £7k. Although we do have that money, we are currently also trying to redecorate and redo areas of our house and garden, we aren’t quite sure of costings yet.

My main issue with it, aside from the up front cost, is that I do not want to fund the ongoing costs of another car. We already have two between DH and I, and I can already foresee DS coming to us asking for petrol money, insurance, MOT, servicing, repairs (which let’s face it, on an older car is quite likely!) I didn’t get a car until I had a proper ‘adult’ job, had left education and could afford all costs. I’ve said he could do lessons and his test, then think about a car once he’s finished college but he’s moaning.

Their solution is that DS will get a job. But, as I’ve explained to them both, he might find keeping a job and doing his A Levels plus social life a struggle… also all of his earnings would be going on the car! When I pointed this out to DH, he said that DS can just sell the car if he can’t afford it, which I think is ridiculous and will only lead to DS being more upset than if he hadn’t had the car in the first place.

AIBU to think a car for most 17 year olds is pretty silly? We do not live rurally. We are within walking distance of a train and we have access to buses. Plus we have never been tight about giving him / his friends lifts.

By all means go ahead and pay for lessons as having a driving license may be useful in future, but absolutely no need to buy a car and pay all the running costs. That's something he can do himself if and when he needs a car and can afford it. In the meantime, encourage use of public transport or get him a bicycle - far more environmentally friendly. It's a myth that car ownership gives freedom, rather it creates car dependence, and encorages travel behaviour for which car is a necessity.

Where I live there are loads of anti-car measures but zero investment in the public transport infrastructure. Getting DD to a class in the nearest city takes 45 mins each way by car. To do it on public transport would take at least 2.5 hours (and require her to leave school early).

I have to drive 30 mins to get to a train station because there aren’t any buses in our local area.

i work half the week 220 miles away. Pushbike not hugely helpful in that scenario.

I would pay for the lessons and offer to match whatever he can save for a car for his 18th. If he doesn't get a job or funds I would give 500 (or whatever you can afford) to go towards a car. All the costs are for him, he'll be an adult by then anyway. A car in this case is a want and not a need.

But we're talking here about a 17-year-old who lives within walking distance of a train station and bus links. No work commute and no children to ferry about. Hence, no current need for a car.

£20 an hour? That's so cheap.

Round here it's £40-£45 per hour. Only a very slight discount if you book a block.

Also - when looking for car insurance quotes add yourself and your DH onto the policy, it can reduce the price significantly.

This.

Echoing this. I’d suspect this poster’s £20/hour lessons were quite a long time ago now! DD learnt last year, hers were £40 per hour which seems to be quite standard

None of ours have had or will have cars until they'd finished uni or have full time jobs and could afford to buy and fully run them. They can all (bar the youngest) drive. I'm shocked at how many kids we know who are given cars for their 17th, I just can't understand how parents afford this or even think it's acceptable. Awful for the environment too - if we'd done this, we could have ended up with a 5 car household.
And the poster who thought the OP should downsize their cars to fund their DS's car. Unbelievable, that is how entitled young people are made. MN is a different world sometimes.

Mine got a car at 17, funded by us. But all.ongoing costs on them with their part time jobs around uni.

‘Even think it’s acceptable’ Listen to yourself 🤣 Are you always so over invested in other people’s lives and decisions? What makes it unacceptable for other DC to have cars but fine for your own to have them a few years later?

I didn’t say that OP should downsize to fund her DS’s car, I said that they could potentially downsize in order to find a smaller one to share. Big difference, especially for someone like you who is environmentally conscious. Sharing = one less car on the road, less fuel, less emissions.

I put my kids n my car insurance and taught them to drive with just 3 lessons before their test.4 kids and no insurance claims or dents!

Let him learn. It can be useful to have a teenager added to your insurance.

Him learning doesn't mean you have to provide a car for him.

Why don't you come up with a compromise?

DS gets a job to buy a car and whatever he saves, you match? Once he has the car, he is responsible for fuel and MOTs?

Get him driving and pass his test first. This is important to do before he goes to Uni and before A levels start.

Can he drive one of your cars if you change your SVU?

Lessons are going to cost you up to 2 k especially if he doesn't have a car he can practice in. I taught my DS in my car It cost £500 for insurance and tests all in and he passed 6 months after turning 17 just before he sat his A levels (August baby). His friends (all older than him) who all had paid lessons all passed after him as it took them over a year and cost them thousands.

I'd be with your DH/DS on this one although I understand your worry about him asking for top ups etc.

I encouraged my DS at 17 to buy a car as soon as he passed his test although he had been doing an Apprenticeship so was earning ok. I paid for his first 10 hours of lessons he paid the remainder. The car was 4K, ins grp 1 at £1800 pa.

DD(17) is currently learning, she is at college and has a part time job. She is saving hard for a car and should have enough by the time she passes. We are paying for her lesson which are £80 per lesson ( 2hour lessons in our area, no one offers 1).

As for putting them on the insurance of a parents car that's only a good idea if the car is suitable. Our cars are far to powerful for a new driver and even so we wouldn't be able to get either of our kids on ours- few companies offer and those that do ask for towards of 10k! I

Apart from it being logistically easier for everyone if they can get themselves around the 2 main reasons ive encouraged getting cars are 1) if you pass then don't drive for quite sometime it's like starting again, needing to relearn and regain confidence.
2) learning to drive and having a car initially is very expensive but at this age they have less financial responsibilities and it makes sense to get the experience and slowly insurance etc becomes cheaper which in turn puts less financial stress on them when they do have rent/mortgages/ bills etc to pay in the coming years.

I didn’t buy any of my kids a car. I bought my own car and paid for my own insurance at 17 with savings I had. My kids aren’t even that bothered about driving, eldest passed his test at 25. Youngest son is learning but had his test cancelled on the day and then his theory ran out which was annoying as it’s so hard to get a test with covid backlogs. Now has to resit that in 2wks. I won’t be buying him a car, I just told him to learn when he’s young and isn’t working full time. Youngest - 17 next March said she’s not bothering to learn as there’s nowhere she wants to drive to! We live in a London suburb where public transport is good, we live right behind the station, a second line within 3 mins walk and on the main bus route. I lived in Wales and passed my test 1 month after I turned 17 as transport was dire

Yes, DS24 got his at 21 - and he paid for most of it. It was not even considered at 17 - and not one of his mates had one either.

He was insured on mine - and he was happy with that.

Ours share a car. The eldest was struggling with lessons and needed more practice but we only have an automatic company car so we got him a little manual. The youngest benefitted from it too and and sailed through his test. We tax,.service and MOT it. They pay for petrol and we third the crazy insurance costs.

I can’t believe people are paying £40 an hour. In Surrey where I am it’s £30 tops, less than that I’m sure then they price went up a bit.

I would happily not buy my son a car, but every child I know will expect to drive their parents. I think if as parents you’ve carefully chosen yourself not one but two cars teenagers can’t drive then yes you rather owe him a car.

I agree with Zanatdy, depends where you live, if London or somewhere you don't need to drive it might not be such a factor. I lived in the middle of Devon Dartmoor so I passed a couple of weeks after being 17 because it was essential, freedom. Ds1 in Surrey was keen.

He could get a job now and have 4k by September.

I would help with the lessons, but thats it. You can’t stop him buying and running his own if he’s working but he’s a CF if he’s expecting you to, and it doesn’t sound as though you have limitless funds to do so either.

ours didn’t get their first cars until in FT employment after uni, we helped them buy them then but they were earning graduate incomes to run them.

I think it depends on his future plans. If he intends to go to university, I wouldn’t bother with a car. It’s an added expense that no one needs in addition to supporting university costs. If he is planning on working or doing an apprenticeship post A levels, then I’d get the car. Learning to drive I would fund whatever his plans are.