To not support 17 year old DS in getting a car?

[TrickStan]

DH and DS are both badgering me about getting him driving for his 17th birthday. I completely disagree.

We’ve costed lessons, a cheap but decent car and insurance and it is already looking at around £7k. Although we do have that money, we are currently also trying to redecorate and redo areas of our house and garden, we aren’t quite sure of costings yet.

My main issue with it, aside from the up front cost, is that I do not want to fund the ongoing costs of another car. We already have two between DH and I, and I can already foresee DS coming to us asking for petrol money, insurance, MOT, servicing, repairs (which let’s face it, on an older car is quite likely!) I didn’t get a car until I had a proper ‘adult’ job, had left education and could afford all costs. I’ve said he could do lessons and his test, then think about a car once he’s finished college but he’s moaning.

Their solution is that DS will get a job. But, as I’ve explained to them both, he might find keeping a job and doing his A Levels plus social life a struggle… also all of his earnings would be going on the car! When I pointed this out to DH, he said that DS can just sell the car if he can’t afford it, which I think is ridiculous and will only lead to DS being more upset than if he hadn’t had the car in the first place.

AIBU to think a car for most 17 year olds is pretty silly? We do not live rurally. We are within walking distance of a train and we have access to buses. Plus we have never been tight about giving him / his friends lifts.

Also I got a job from 15. Used the money for my bus pass... then when I was older to pay towards lessons

If you’ve got that little in savings then why don’t you sell the cars you have and buy something more appropriate? I can’t imagine driving round in two cars which are more than necessary, getting my garden done and not helping my child to learn a life skill. Because I’d like to sit in a fancy car.

This.

Our daughter went with Hastings you drive. It uses their phone and a little box to track how safe they are driving. A ten year old KA was 1200 for the year. She pays it monthly. Yes he should get a job. Help him but he must save most of it himself. Working and a levels is perfectly doable in fact it's great for them.

We paid for DS driving lessons but not a car or insurance, as he didn't need one. Now at 20 he's working and is one of the few in his role with a driving license which means he's in demand. He's saving up for his own car now.

I think can be an employability skill to have a driving licence.

I think driving a car is an essential life skill and not driving is hugely limiting (proven by many threads on mn). The obvious thing is for a dc to learn on a parent’s car. This is why we’ve stuck with a family car plus a Ford Ka and dd will learn in that then probably have it and I’ll replace it for me. You’ve not planned for this but he’ll need a car to practice in on top of lessons, so yes, he will need a car. I think you’re being a bit unfair.

Oh and yes I expect my dd to work while doing a levels. She’s just finished her GCSEs and her priority was to get a job.

My Dd learnt to drive at 17. We paid for lessons then she used our smaller car. She went to college an hour drive away (specialist college do none nearer) so when she could take herself it saved us time and money. She is now at uni and we know she can get too and from when needs be. She has worked hard at jobs from the age of 16 to pay for petrol etc and also helps picking and dropping her siblings when she is around so is really handy! I think it's a life skill that is really important

The words of someone who has not yet experienced the wrath of A levels. They are very intense (of course some subjects more than others). GCSEs were a breeze in comparison!

The insurance whilst they are learning really isn't that expensive. My son has just paid less than £300 for the year. It is when they pass and don't need to be supervised that it increases. Also, they are potentially going to spend a lot less on driving lessons if they have a car that they can practice in outside of those lessons. It doesn't have to be his own car though.

My daughter will turn 17 in August and won't be learning to drive. We live in outer London with many controlled parking zones, ulez & good bus / train connections for where she needs to go. She would struggle to park round school and her friends all live on a direct bus route which goes from 2 minutes walk from our house.

She will also go to uni 13 months after she turns 17, so maybe only 6-7 months of driving time anyway.

She has no interest in it - she would rather use her money to go travelling.

@TrickStan @Nottherealslimshady we have always supported out kids to learn to drive ( and yes the old mumsnet classic we live rurally with no public transport) but we have never provided cats for 17/18 yo’s.
reason being I am a teacher, and over the years I have been to far too many funeral's of 17/18yo’s killed in rtas.
Instantly folk will jump on me and shout over protective etc, but fuck me, one of those funerals is a lifetime of too many.
Mine are all adults now, have their own self funded cars and not at all scarred by being subjected to mums taxi for that final year before uni

Can’t fucking type, it is cars not cats, and our not out

First insurance was £750. Today that would be £1500.

At 16/17 I was on £2.75 an hour. Minimum wage now is £6.20. It’s not that far out.

Well maybe I’m a cow of a mum but currently I work full time (nhs), have 3 dc and am studying for a masters.

I’m not expecting her to work full time but a few hours at the weekend is perfectly reasonable and all the teens I know do this.

Both my DC learned to drive at 17 and bought a car, their DF agreed to match what they could afford on car itself and I paid for insurance which they paid back monthly
Both of them had pt jobs whilst at 6th form and never asked for help with car costs

Erm. I did 4. At 2 different schools. Whilst not living at home and working at least 30 hours a week to pay my rent/car costs/food.

Depends on the car for insurance....picanto, flat 500 cars that are less than 1 litre and we had quotes of around a thousand pounds for 17 year son . Had a.black box but helped with feedback, and dropped to around £750 at first renewal

YABU to lump everything together.

YABVU to be discouraging him from trying to get a job and save up himself.

YABVU not to encourage him to get his driving licence when he is keen and you say you are able to support him.

I wouldn't then buy him a car. He needs to show that he can fund that (or the running costs - incl the insurance). But, having passed his driving test maybe 2 or 3 years before taking out his first insurance will help bring it down.

Why can't still grasp is what an earth the op has been planning for all of this? thinking and planning for the last few years regarding this?

YANBU. You buy a car when you can afford one yourself, so agree with you to a point.

When I turned 17 my parents paid for my provisional license and a block of driving lessons. Anything after that was on me. I took longer to pass my test and had to resit/take more lessons and I paid for that out of my Saturday job. However, from day 1 my mum put me on the insurance for her Renault Clio (did not get me my own car) and it meant I could have more practice outside of lessons. I remember I once badly scraped it against a curb and she made me pay for the repairs. I also had to pay £150 a year towards to insurance (this is 10+ years ago) and I paid for any and all petrol I used. I saved and bought my own car once I left uni and had my first “proper” job, and I was 22. Until then I was only on parents insurance and used their car under their permission. I had a long distance boyfriend (now DH) who I drove to visit on a weekend and there was many a time they said they needed the car so I couldn’t go!

What riveting advice for the OP and her son🙄

It does depend on where you live but in my area there are long waiting lists for driving tests. My son just passed third time he had to wait 6 months for his second test then nine months for his third test.

I think it’s good he’s motivated to learn to drive. I tried at 17 but wasn’t ready, failed a test and had to start again in my 20s. Took much longer and £££ at that point! I would support him having lessons and passing the test, as that’s a great skill to have and once it’s done it’s done. I echo others that for me as a parent it comes before decorating etc.

as for the car, everyone I know drove their parents’ cars. It is not expected that you buy ds a car. Can he drive a family car?

We funded both of our DDs for lessons, came to about £2k each by the time they'd passed (2nd attempt).

But we didn't buy them a car. DD2 has gone to a uni where there is no parking. DD1 also did without a car through uni and has now bought her first now she's working.