To not support 17 year old DS in getting a car?

[TrickStan]

DH and DS are both badgering me about getting him driving for his 17th birthday. I completely disagree.

We’ve costed lessons, a cheap but decent car and insurance and it is already looking at around £7k. Although we do have that money, we are currently also trying to redecorate and redo areas of our house and garden, we aren’t quite sure of costings yet.

My main issue with it, aside from the up front cost, is that I do not want to fund the ongoing costs of another car. We already have two between DH and I, and I can already foresee DS coming to us asking for petrol money, insurance, MOT, servicing, repairs (which let’s face it, on an older car is quite likely!) I didn’t get a car until I had a proper ‘adult’ job, had left education and could afford all costs. I’ve said he could do lessons and his test, then think about a car once he’s finished college but he’s moaning.

Their solution is that DS will get a job. But, as I’ve explained to them both, he might find keeping a job and doing his A Levels plus social life a struggle… also all of his earnings would be going on the car! When I pointed this out to DH, he said that DS can just sell the car if he can’t afford it, which I think is ridiculous and will only lead to DS being more upset than if he hadn’t had the car in the first place.

AIBU to think a car for most 17 year olds is pretty silly? We do not live rurally. We are within walking distance of a train and we have access to buses. Plus we have never been tight about giving him / his friends lifts.

Yes, he is. He also works very hard and saves a lot so I'm very proud of him.

Well, everyone who is 17 now has one.

They'd scrapped it by the time I had my DD but I set her up a Junior ISA and have saved the same amount for her.

Despair1 everyone my dds age had the luxury of a child trust fund as it was a Labour Government initiative . Dd was fortunate that I contributed a small amount to it each month as did her grandparent. £35 a month for 18 years gave her nearly 12k.

Dd has worked hard so only used a small part of the trust fund for a car and paid for everything else from money she has earned.

What?! That's completely bonkers. Many people do not have or want a driving license for all sorts of reasons - it's not compulsory. I never had a lesson until I was 33, and if my parents had tried to make me at 17 I'd have laughed in their faces. (And anyone who hasn't the maturity to stand up to their parents hasn't the maturity to be in charge of a couple of tons of potentially lethal metal).

A key part of parenting is raising an adult who can take responsibility for their own choices, including major financial commitments like cars. She'll do him more of a favour by telling him she'll help with driving lessons and a car when and if he has a full time grown up job which cannot be accessed by public transport, and not before.

Indeed, you have every right to be. I was referring to his Trust fund

Of course not if they don't want to!

Most pupils manage a job plus A’Levels, just say u rnt willing to pay for on going costs if he wants it go and get a job to pay.

Very true. Two of my DC have CTFs, and the other two don't.

Yes the Child Trust Fund initiative by Labour was excellent. The Tories got rid of it of course. Maybe it will be something they bring back?

Only my eldest got one. But I set up a junior ISA for my youngest.

Don't get me wrong, they have all got savings accounts since they were all born with cash in them to help pay for lessons when the time comes, regardless of CTF.

It's annoying though that some have others don't.

She'll do him more of a favour by telling him she'll help with driving lessons and a car when and if he has a full time grown up job which cannot be accessed by public transport, and not before.

Hardly. It is going to be too late then, if you need to be able to drive to do your first job.

I am glad we didn't support DS learning to drive when he was 17. Finished A levels then went through a stupid period. He was able to get to work easily though as good transport links.
He is now driving and has to do so for work but is now sensible

My DS is doing T levels and part of that is going on placement. Depending on where it is, it might be quite hard to get to by public transport. He then wants to do a higher apprenticeship which again may be difficult to get to by public transport. So he wants to get driving as soon as he can.

I think you're going to have to buy him a car to practice his driving in if neither of yours are suitable - as in you can't get him insured on them.

I do feel learning to drive/passing the test is an essential life skill for youngsters and is so worth it as it gives them freedom of choice on where to work, live and play.

I think he should get a job asap and start saving towards this car and its ongoing costs. I certainly wouldn't be making it too easy for him and funding everything.

It’s going to be bloody expensive for this kid to get his license since mum and dad can’t take him for driving practice in their car. Maybe a friends parent will show the generosity his don’t. I can’t really imagine not even taking my learner driver out for an hours driving a week because our two cars aren’t suitable. That’s not making him self sufficient , that’s putting him behind most kids in the country.

I have 19yo and 17yo. They both recently bought their own cars after they were gifted some money from their grandparents. We’ve helped with cost of driving lessons etc. 19yo passed his test a few months ago and 17yo is having lessons. we wouldn’t have been in a position financially to buy them a car but a lot of their friends got given cars for their birthday.

Projecting much? ‘Putting him behind most kids in the country’ is ridiculous, plain nonsense. Plenty of kids don’t have access to private practice, somehow they still pass their driving tests just fine.

DD couldn’t learn in my big SUV and had to wait until after she passed her driving test for the lease agreement to be up so that I could switch cars to one that we can both drive. With a good instructor she managed perfectly well and passed first time, very quickly. Your idea of buying a whole other car for the sake of a few months is absurd.

Agree @stressedespresso

My dc managed to pass without any practice in either of our cars.
As did all my nieces and nephews and (as far as I am aware) the majority of dc of friends of mine.

it wouldn’t be just for a few months though, it would be for years. You switched cars as soon as you could- the op would have said oh no but I like my suv so I’ll get another one of those.

I was really referring to the poster saying that DC without private driving practice are being put behind most kids in the country, when in reality being without a car to learn in did DD and plenty of other kids no harm. It wasn’t anything to do with the OP not planning on getting her DS a car

Ah sorry, you are that poster!

@Codlingmoths OP’s son can get a car of his own when he has the funds after he passes his test. I’m sure that if need be he will manage perfectly fine without private practice just like 1000s of other teens do. It’s not a big disadvantage and personally I think that being out with an instructor is a far better use of time rather than randomly driving around with parents who haven’t had to pass a driving test in 20+ years!

I suppose I wouldn’t know any teens who don’t get driving time with their parents, it’s everyone. I have a nephew whose parents are overseas so we take him driving every week to build up his hours. So it does seem like a significant disadvantage to me.