For a 26 year old to share with a two year old (sibling)

[flowerygardens]

Dss is 26 and ds is 2

Our plan was for ds to have dss old bedroom, he moved out at 23 so we had a spare room and decided to ttc but he moved back home at 24 just before we knew we were expecting back into his old room.
Now there's no bedroom for ds who is in with us for now but would it be unreasonable to expect dss to share with his brother?
We have no idea how long he'll be back home but it sounds like he plans to stay forever now as he doesn't have a great paid job and was struggling to manage on his own.

It's only a 2 bed house and it's council so moving is only an option if we can find an exchange which is almost impossible.
Dp wants to provide him with a home for as long as he needs it but I also need my son to have a room and that was the intended bedroom when we planned to have a baby together in what was then the spare room but dss ended up moving out for such a short time that he still sees it as his room as it always has been.
It's not that I don't want dss there but I had my only child on the expectation that he will have a bedroom because at the time one was spare and understand dp position but feel dp is unreasonable saying he can share our room or we can sleep in the living room which is not how I planned to raise my child.
Dp has been a single parent to ds since he was very small and he doesn't have contact with his mother so I see that to them it's his room and only the age gap between the brothers that's making it difficult because they'd probably need bunk beds.
I honestly feel like everything has backfired and don't know how dss can ever move out now because his situation hasn't changed and he is very comfortable back at home.
I don't think dss would be happy but he has a home and we have to find a way to sleep everyone.

Yes, it would be unreasonable.

Either you accommodate your stepson or you tell him he needs to make other arrangements. My preference would be the second option, in your shoes.

I think that’s awful, at 26 he should be given a quite short timeframe to move out in the circumstances.

I guess you give DSS and DS the largest room, it's up to DSS if he decides he'd rather move out.

Omg no! None of the scenarios are ideal but nothing screams “you’ve been replaced” more than asking him to move out so the toddler can have his room!

I'm inclined to feel if anyone should be sleeping on the sofa, it should be the stepson. He moved out. Can't expect to move back home to the same set up when you've had a child in the meantime.

It's unfortunate, but them's the breaks.

That would be so not right. Poor lad.

'Have a 2 year old! Don't like it? Off you pop then. See ya!'

Can the larger bedroom be divided with screens. It's only a short term solution as both need their own rooms.

Bloody hell he’s 26!!

Short term the 2 year old shares with you. He doesn’t need his own room
at 2. At 3 and older he does, so DSS needs to move on by then. He needs a timescale.

I am all for adult kids being welcome but if you don’t have the space or finances they need to fly the nest.

He is 26, he wouldn't be classed as a dependant like a 2yr old, he IS old enough to live somewhere else as he already moved out.

Can your partner find him a house share somewhere else op and possibly cover some of the rent until DSS gets a second job.

A couple I knew in similar circumstances (although the older child was lates teens, so couldn’t just move out easily) let the children have the bedrooms and converted the living room into a bedroom for themselves (sofa bed) until the teen was old enough to move out or they could move somewhere bigger.

Not ideal but you can’t expect a 26 year old to have bunk beds with a 2 year old. And ideally I wouldn’t want to still have a 2 year old in my bedroom either.

I think you and your DH need to have a frank conversation with your stepson about a timeframe for moving out (he can move into a house share if he can’t afford it on his own) or come up with an alternative that works for you all. But a 26 year old and 2 year old can’t share. Does he pay rent?

I'd keep the child with you until he starts school. They don't need their own room at two, toys can go in the sitting room.

I'd say the same but I think four rather than three for needing a room. Though a year is a better timescale to work with.

Was it DPs and DSS home before you moved in?

If so I can see why he sees that as his bedroom despite a short time of moving out.

I don't think that means it's ok for him to just move in and stay but 8 also think kicking him out isn't straight forward.

Does he pay rent?

Do you have a large garden? Could you build a summer house that becomes his bedroom? Can you go up into the loft? Is there a separate dining room that could be converted into a bedroom?

The other option is as has been mentioned above.

Make a stud wall in the largest room and make it 2 separate rooms. At 26 he doesn't need anywhere bigger than a box room with bed, and drawers

26 is fully grown. It's been two years since whatever brought hour stepson back to your shores. He needs to move out and make way for the toddler. It's not good for your stepson long term at that age to be stuck in arrested development relying on his dad and getting in the way of his toddler half brother. What's wrong with a house share to make it more affordable for him? Your DP needs to deal with the issue.

Toddler sleeps with you
Dh and his son share a room with bunkbeds

Honestly even if you didn't have a toddler I don't think a 26 year old should be living with you. At what point do you expect him to be an adult and take care of himself?

With a toddler I think it's slightly shameful on his part that he hasn't moved out of his own volition.

He's 26 years old. I can't imagine he would particularly want to share a room with his 2-year-old brother. But really, it should be obvious to him that he needs to find his own place. Many people in their 20s seem to be enjoying an extended adolescence, but in the long run they are better off developing independence IMO.

They didn't have a child in the meantime, she didn't know she was pregnant when he moved back. Otherwise they'd have solved this problem years ago.

Op you need to give him options imo. Baby Range is getting too big to share with us and ultimately that will be his room when you move out all interim then you're going to have to share.

Give him the option of your room if it's larger, or the living room.

He'll be classed as without a bedroom to the council too so if he wants to move out, it'll help.

You say he's too comfortable to ever move but do you really think he never wants to settle down or even just have whomever he wants over for sex? He probably just needs to realise the grass is more liberated out there.

If there's room to share then they can share.
The 26 year old will either just think of it as a place to sleep and not mind being woken up every day by his sibling bouncing on his head at 5am.
Or....
3 weeks of being woken up at 5am by an overexcited toddler and he'll start looking for another place to live.
Maybe think of the bedroom as just a place they sleep and keep their clothes. Their other stuff can live elsewhere in the house.

Why is dss moving back in? Is it semi-permanent? Sharing would be pretty awful for the 26 year old. Obviously he knows you have his half brother: what are his expectations? No partner allowed to stay, no privacy as you’ll need to go in if little on3 won’t settle/to get his stuff etc. what does your partner say?

If you do trial a room share, you might find that your dss develops a pressing need to find his own place!

26 is time to get the fuck out. Surely he realised that? He's been back for 2 years!!!

If your stepson is staying, then it doesn't make any difference to your son who he shares with, as he won't have his own room either way.
If he shares with you or shares with the 26 year old, he is still a toddler sharing with an adult.
It seems pointless to move him in with the stepson when it won't benefit either of them, your child should really share with you, until the stepson moves out.

You’re going to have to have the difficult conversation that he needs to leave. He is an adult and he needs to leave because you don’t have space to house him. He can afford a house share with other people, he just can’t afford his own place alone.