For a 26 year old to share with a two year old (sibling)

[flowerygardens]

Dss is 26 and ds is 2

Our plan was for ds to have dss old bedroom, he moved out at 23 so we had a spare room and decided to ttc but he moved back home at 24 just before we knew we were expecting back into his old room.
Now there's no bedroom for ds who is in with us for now but would it be unreasonable to expect dss to share with his brother?
We have no idea how long he'll be back home but it sounds like he plans to stay forever now as he doesn't have a great paid job and was struggling to manage on his own.

It's only a 2 bed house and it's council so moving is only an option if we can find an exchange which is almost impossible.
Dp wants to provide him with a home for as long as he needs it but I also need my son to have a room and that was the intended bedroom when we planned to have a baby together in what was then the spare room but dss ended up moving out for such a short time that he still sees it as his room as it always has been.
It's not that I don't want dss there but I had my only child on the expectation that he will have a bedroom because at the time one was spare and understand dp position but feel dp is unreasonable saying he can share our room or we can sleep in the living room which is not how I planned to raise my child.
Dp has been a single parent to ds since he was very small and he doesn't have contact with his mother so I see that to them it's his room and only the age gap between the brothers that's making it difficult because they'd probably need bunk beds.
I honestly feel like everything has backfired and don't know how dss can ever move out now because his situation hasn't changed and he is very comfortable back at home.
I don't think dss would be happy but he has a home and we have to find a way to sleep everyone.

@hs2000 Fair points and I agree that the toddler should stay in his parents’ room for now.

But what happens longterm?

You seem to be forgetting there is only one child the adult is 24 years his senior and isn't entitled to a bedroom in his father's house for the rest of his life.
I grew up in my parents house but I don't consider them to living in my house, equally it's not the stepsons house it's a house his father rents and lives in with his partner.

Sorry that’s a terrible idea.

Do not facilitate this grown man lodging on your driveway.

The house doesnt “belong to him or your DP” as it’s a council house.

I’d sleep in the living room. I do when my son is home from Uni. Though you can keep your son in with you for a good while. Yes it’s nice to have his own room, but it’s not essential when he’s very small. I absolutely wouldn’t put him in with an adult. I’d be helping step son to find a better paid job, but it is hard for young people now as rent prices are so high

What happens m is only one person’s responsibility - DSS.

Toddler should not be stuck in parents room ffs.

It's council. That means no stud walls and usually, a condition in the tenancy stating no caravans or temporary dwellings in the driveway/garden.

Op and her husband live in a 2 bed council house. This isn’t a dig at them because I’ve been there myself but that means they can’t convert the loft and it’s probably not financially realistic to suggest buying a second hand caravan, building a livable summer house out the back or Ops partner helping him out long term with rent.

@Bananabreadandstrawberries I personally think that the toddler is ok where he is for right now. Longterm, it’s obviously not going to work though.

I think this is the most sensible solution. Of course it isn't ideal.

I feel like a lot of 26 year olds still live with their parents, or at least they do around here, so this 'kick him out' is a bit harsh.
I was 27 when I moved out, and I'd have been devastated if my parents tried to throw me out of my childhood home before it was feasible for me to do so.
My best friend lived in a two bedroom flat, with her parents and her brother. Her and her brother had a bedroom each, and her parents had sofa bed in the living room. Both also moved out in their late 20s, and that had been their sleeping arrangements since whatever age she became too old to share with a younger brother.

This has been his home growing up and I think it would be awful for his dad to say 'sorry got a new wife and kid so you can't stay here any more'. I would never do that to my child no matter what age, housing is hideously expensive and he's already had a hard time with whatever has happened with his mum.

But you all need to sit down I think and discuss how it is going to work and look at the different possibilities.

Christ he’s 26 not 16!! He could get a house share with friends or even strangers if need be.

This is a good idea OP, could it work?

Correct!

I recall a thread where mum had child at 16 then got reunited when he was 19 years and step-DH was pushing mum for son to move out as he was by then 23/24. I supported mum to not give in but have conversations- all 3 of them. Most pp did. Looks like since Dss is dad's many pp now want him gone straightaway! But then again, this is MN.

This

How long did he move out for?

Stepson is old enough to make his own living arrangements. He's 26 not 19.

I think you both need to sit down and have a deep and meaningful conversation with DSS about his life plans and aspirations and getting a better job with more money so he can move out again and live independently. Doesn't mean you're cruelly kicking him out although plenty will try and say you are. The boys are going to have to share pretty soon, the baby can't stay in with you forever. Of course having to share his bedroom with his baby brother might be the reason he does finally leave home but I don't think that's actually unreasonable.

Is there no one nearby with a spare room they'd rent to him? Like in the same road so he just sleeps there but can be at home with you all as much as he wants to. I understand why his dad doesn't want to push him out but this is a difficult situation for all of you. Even if you need to help him a bit with the rent it would be worth it surely?

I think you need to try and exchange, but I know in my area it's the 3 and 4 beds that are the most in demand so it might take a while. Don't put him in a shed or caravan, I think that's not going to end well and get the housing officer on your back.

DP & DSS are effectively the long-term couple here, prioritising each other above everyone else. OP, I'd be making plans to move myself and my child out, into a home that was comfortable and secure just for the two of us. You're intruding.

Or a 26 year old DS sharing with 50 year old DSS …

That’s dark…

There’s nothing more likely to make a. 26 year old move out than having to share a bedroom with a 2 year old. So go for it.

How about you and your son have one room and he and his dad share a room if that fits all the configuration of beds and storage you need?

I think he needs to move into a house share within six months.

Because there isn't room for him and he is an adult, not a dependant. Nobody has a right to live with their parents forever.

Christ, I’d be moving out myself if DSC were still around at 26.