To end friendship over holiday?

[mycongratations]

Last weekend I went to Milan with a friend, got there early afternoon Friday to leave Sunday morning.

All started off great. We’d got taxis on the Friday which had ended up being expensive and then I realised there was a metro. I said to her oh just wait here whilst I take a photo of this metro name/number so I can figure out the stops/line we need and she just wandered off. Obviously I did it at both ends (main square and hotel) and both times she just kept walking when I knew she’d heard me.

After I figured out what line we needed we used the metro and she exclaimed “why don’t we just do this yesterday?!”. Like it was my fault when she did absolutely nothing to help figure it out.

The hotel had a mini spa and I booked us in for an hour as it was part of our booking but she kept ranting about how much they were going to charge us. Even though I repeatedly said it’s free but if they do I’ll pay for the spa because I booked it and it would be my mistake. Still not good enough and she kept ranting. When they didn’t charge us she said nothing.

On the Saturday afternoon when I asked her what she wanted to do “I’m not bothered” so I said let’s get Aperol Spritz on the balcony which overlooks the cathedral - my treat. “No I don’t want to do that”.

I tried to remain positive and cheery knowing she was in a mood and just not giving it attention and thinking she’ll bring herself out of it. The Sunday morning was horrible, there was so much tension I didn’t dare speak. I offered to get us a taxi to the bus that goes to the airport (I have a knee injury and it had been fine but by the Sunday it was painful) and she said no we’ll walk, then she looked at me and said really aggressively “well I can tell by your face you don’t want to”

Thankfully on the plane we were sat at opposite ends. But this meant we boarded at different ends, so I said wait for me near these stairs or I’ll wait for you - as neither of us will know if the other one has got off yet. As I was walking from the back stairs after landing I immediately saw her just walking off with no intention of waiting for me - we drove in my car so we were not parting ways at the airport.

I genuinely don’t think I did anything wrong on the trip, not saying I’m perfect but there was no one big thing that I can pinpoint as to why she’d behave so miserably - the entire trip was her idea.

Yeah screw that. Whatever shes got going on you didn't deserve all that.

She's not your friend. Bin this one off!

Wow! Some people really don’t do well outside their comfort zone.

How good a friend is she in general? Has she ever behaved like this before? Some of this does sound like nit-picking. Is she just dreadful at being abroad? Some people just seem to make endlessly heavy weather about figuring out public transport or hotel charges.

I had a friendship end a long time ago after a week in Amsterdam. My friend spent the whole time moping and negative about everything. I'd say what shall we do? Shall we go here, or what do you think of there. She would always be negative and not express any opinion. So I had to decide most things, she just would not participate. Then she would always moan about my choices. I realised afterwards that travelling with someone really shows whether or not you are compatible.

I ditched a friend for something similar. I won't go into it but her behaviour on holiday was appalling and that was that. I never spoke to her again after we go home.

What a nightmare. I would definitely end this friendship - not least as I’m not sure there was by evidence of it in the first place. Noone should behave as she has done, no excuses, she behaved like a prize bitch.

Hope you get to go back on your own sometime as it is a lovely place. Am increasingly of the opinion it’s easier to travel alone!

You definitely didn’t do anything wrong.

Ha! Wow. She looks like a massive twat. You’re well rid OP, sorry she ruined your trip.

To be honest I describe how she is as a friend would need its own (very long) thread.

Make endlessly heavy weather? Never heard that expression before. I didn’t make a big deal about it, I just said as we walked by the metro sign “hang on a second I’m just going to take a photo of this sign so I can figure out which metro we need” and she’s reponded “ok”. I’ve stopped, pulled phone out of my bag and she’s just kept walking. And it’s so overcrowded that it’s so easy to lose someone.

And she did this twice. Then back at the hotel I just used google and figured out the metro line silently.

And then it was just extremely irritating to have her moan about paying for a taxi. She really did say it in an accusatory way of “why didn’t we do this yesterday?!?” … when if it was down to her it would never have been figured out.

She’s a nightmare. You did nothing wrong.

Yes it was my first time in Italy and it’s a beautiful city. Shame that it got ruined but I’d definitely go back - just not with her ever again. I wouldn’t even go to Stoke on Trent with her at this point 😂.

The only thing you did wrong was even bother to find her at the airport to take her home. I would have stayed hidden and let her sweat looking for you to get her ride! Then just leave her there!

I agree, the friendship is over!

Did you address it at the time?
'Friend, you're in a right mardy, what's going on?'

It sounds like she's got money worries to me, or maybe is too tight to enjoy a weekend away - but instead of telling you what was wrong she chose to communicate through huffs & puffs and ruined everyone's break in the process - I'm not sure how you put up with it TBH.

YANBU to tell her she spoiled the weekend acting like a child.

So what happened in the airport? Did you both go in your car or did she just disappear after landing?

If she's a good friend normally then I would try to maintain the friendship. She was a lousy travel companion, so definitely avoid going on holiday with her again. There are some friends that you can live with or travel with and some that you can only take in small doses. If she's like this normally then maybe this holiday is the final straw and you need to pull away from the friendship.

I have a friend like this. She makes me take on all the responsibility, 'You think of something' and then says no to every suggestion I make. She wanders off without telling me then doesn't answer her phone when I call so I'm just left hanging when I'd have been happy to do my own thing if she'd just let me know. If I'm driving she scrolls on her phone constantly then complains about feeling sick and we have to stop. When she's not in a mood she's great company and we can have a lot of fun together, but when moody I find her unbearable.

What was she like on the way out?

I’m from stoke on Trent 😂😂

I would hold off ending the friendship at the moment and see what her next move is.

Is she an experienced traveller? Does she have money or other worries at the moment? Who suggested a City break?

She sounds like rather a fun sponge. I do think some people get a bit anxious about travel and being in a new place, while in principle liking the idea of a holiday. DH and I both get a bit grumpy with one another at times. But it is not a prolonged sulk and we get over it and have a laugh too, and it certainly is no excuse for spoiling an entire short break. And some people really seem to enjoy moaning and that is just their regular personality.

For me, if she was an old friend and it seemed out of character I'd send her a text along the lines of "I'm sorry you didn't seem to enjoy the weekend in Milan. Is there anything bothering you?" But I would make a mental note not to go away with her again. Some people are just not great company for prolonged periods.

What’s crazy to me is that our holiday wasn’t even a holiday, it was a 2.5 day trip away. I’m genuinely baffled as to how angry and nasty she got so quickly.

The fact that I ignored her mood which started around the Saturday afternoon and tried so hard to suggest things to do, make conversation, to just hope she’d bring herself out the mood. I didn’t want to say “why are you in a mood?” And bring attention to it and potentially make it worse.

For her to then say to me so aggressively “I can’t tell by your face you don’t!” About walking as I must have inadvertently made a face at the thought of walking half an hour carrying my bags on a knee injury - which she knew about. Like I’d never dream of talking to her like that and the amount of times I could have called out her shitty mood and attitude.

You should have driven off without her, ungrateful sod.

She’s travelled quite extensively and she’s been to Italy numerous times as she has family there, so I wouldn’t say it’s out of her comfort zone.

And this is what I mean, I was fine with her being grumpy as it can happen which is why I pretended it wasn’t happening but it did turn into a prolonged sulk - which for such a short trip is ridiculous. She ruined it for herself as well as me.

I have a sister in law like this, how my db stays with her I have no idea. Every trip, even just on a day out the face goes on.
I imagine your friend wanted you to acknowledge her mood and pander to her childish behaviour, I bet in a few days she'll just be messaging like nothing happened (if that's your normal relationship) because this behaviour is probably normal to her. I wouldn't end the friendship as such but limit the effort you make with her and definitely don't book any other trips with her.

Good grief, she sounds bloody awful.