To end friendship over holiday?

[mycongratations]

Last weekend I went to Milan with a friend, got there early afternoon Friday to leave Sunday morning.

All started off great. We’d got taxis on the Friday which had ended up being expensive and then I realised there was a metro. I said to her oh just wait here whilst I take a photo of this metro name/number so I can figure out the stops/line we need and she just wandered off. Obviously I did it at both ends (main square and hotel) and both times she just kept walking when I knew she’d heard me.

After I figured out what line we needed we used the metro and she exclaimed “why don’t we just do this yesterday?!”. Like it was my fault when she did absolutely nothing to help figure it out.

The hotel had a mini spa and I booked us in for an hour as it was part of our booking but she kept ranting about how much they were going to charge us. Even though I repeatedly said it’s free but if they do I’ll pay for the spa because I booked it and it would be my mistake. Still not good enough and she kept ranting. When they didn’t charge us she said nothing.

On the Saturday afternoon when I asked her what she wanted to do “I’m not bothered” so I said let’s get Aperol Spritz on the balcony which overlooks the cathedral - my treat. “No I don’t want to do that”.

I tried to remain positive and cheery knowing she was in a mood and just not giving it attention and thinking she’ll bring herself out of it. The Sunday morning was horrible, there was so much tension I didn’t dare speak. I offered to get us a taxi to the bus that goes to the airport (I have a knee injury and it had been fine but by the Sunday it was painful) and she said no we’ll walk, then she looked at me and said really aggressively “well I can tell by your face you don’t want to”

Thankfully on the plane we were sat at opposite ends. But this meant we boarded at different ends, so I said wait for me near these stairs or I’ll wait for you - as neither of us will know if the other one has got off yet. As I was walking from the back stairs after landing I immediately saw her just walking off with no intention of waiting for me - we drove in my car so we were not parting ways at the airport.

I genuinely don’t think I did anything wrong on the trip, not saying I’m perfect but there was no one big thing that I can pinpoint as to why she’d behave so miserably - the entire trip was her idea.

Just move away from her. You don’t need someone who will drain you of energy. If you need someone else next time I will go to Milan and I promise to smile and not do any moaning

She sounds horrible. Some people are terrible travellers, some people have depression, anxiety, personality disorders. But, that's no excuse to pretty much ruin your holiday.
Definitely never travel anywhere with her again. Can you still be friends in terms of meeting for tea or a drink somewhere local? Or does she turn even a pint into a terrible moan worthy saga?
I'd imagine there's something going on there that's nothing to do with you.

I didn't learn my lesson and went away with a friend twice, where I felt she just ruined it. I think I'd hoped that the first time was a one off!

We are still friends but I'll never go away with her again. Ironically she claims she had a great time both times and would love to do it again. No thanks mate!

The only people I will go away with now are adult DC, as we are very much in tune with each other. Or I just go by myself. I actually love taking trips by myself as there is no one else to please or consider.

Oh Lord I once had a holiday like that with a 'friend' - well more than one holiday actually, the first one was good, the second I was more aware of her grumpiness, the third was ... a little tense on occasion, the fourth I felt totally taken for granted (making arrangements, providing her with a bloody taxi service, listening to her chat xenophobic shit) and the fifth and FINAL - she was rude and hostile. Made no suggestions but criticised any I made. Constantly tried to take wrong train / bus, or walk in wrong direction, but got stroppy when I pointed out the right way. Complained about me not knowing the language (neither did she!😂) Mocked me for wanting to book restaurants / attractions in advance, then being furious (at me!🤣) because they were full / sold out. Displayed complete cultural ignorance on SO MANY OCCASIONS.

Needless to say, never ever ever again! She was an absolute loser, and thankfully I have nicer people to go on holiday with ... 😁

OP, you sound so nice but you have to work on your self esteem.
Many would have gotten in the car and left her get her own way home.
She is a rude bitch with no respect for herself or you.
Her behaviour was 100% unacceptable and she is not your friend.
I wouldn't respond to any futher contact from her.
You are so nice but if you don't treat yourself with respect how can you expect others to?
Cutting her out is a VERY good start.

@HellonHeels , If she disliked Milan she might like Stoke.

Thank you for this insight it’s really fascinating. In a way it’s a shame there’s no second trip/holiday where I can test this.

Before this trip we discussed going to Barcelona with a mutual friend - who she’s closer to. This is not going to happen, and if it does I won’t be attending. But it would be interesting to see if she changed if a third person was present.

Just so bizarre to ruin your own trip away because you want to ruin someone else’s experience.

If you want someone nice to go with I’ll go and won’t moan 😂 honestly, what a grump!

You really don't know people until you go on holiday with them.

🤣🤣🤣

Thank you, I’m very much seeing that I’m too much of a people pleaser and in basic terms a bit of a mug.

I’ve got a lovely weekend planned and I’m going to take some times tonight to get a plan together to work on ways I can improve my self esteem. I have a Pimms in the fridge so I might do a little toast to myself for dropping this person - as I’d have never done that in the past.

I wouldn't want to stand and wait in a queue when there are plenty of other bars, no matter the view (though I would tell you that!).

I have a non-visible long term health condition that is exacerbated by standing for long periods. I'd feel the same as her about waiting to get into a bar or waiting for the bus/metro unless there was somewhere to sit (ideally in shade).

But I guess if you're close enough friends to go on holiday together you'd know about that.

This is an interesting take. I wonder if this is something to do with it OP? And I don't think this poster means you're bossy in bad way, but just incompatible with your friend.

I also am a bit of a take-charger, and it can drive my partner mad. I have no idea I'm doing it, and I think I'm being really inclusive, but he is less assertive and feels like I'm taking over. So it's something I've become more aware of in myself.

As someone said above it’s because you are a nice easygoing helpful person & she is not….
i have had this before and been puzzled and have come to the conclusion it’s because they are not happy and see you as an easy target to take their frustrations out on! They don’t like it because you seem happy etc.
you have done nothing wrong just put it down to experience and tell yourself you will not answer any of her messages and move on concentrating on friends who respect you and have good vibes 😎

“As I was walking from the back stairs after landing I immediately saw her just walking off with no intention of waiting for me - we drove in my car so we were not parting ways at the airport.“

If I was in your position we definitely would have been parting ways at the airport regardless of how we got there.

I can’t believe half way through this thread you’re still saying maybe I should have pressed to check if she was alright!! No. Re the spa you should have said ok grumpy face I’m going to go have my free spa and you stay here because you think I might be wrong. Re the balcony it’s not I’ll buy you a drink it’s Ok grumpy face I’m going to have a spritz on the balcony you’re welcome to join if you shake that mood.

I went on holiday years ago with 2 long standing friends and it signalled the death knell in our friendship. I can't say the city jic. Seats were deliberately booked not to be together which I thought was odd. Everything was a trek and planned. A big trek to the hotel, we spent hours on the tube to go to one shit cheap shop that only one of them wanted to go to. Another big trek to go to a bar to have one drink.

All I wanted was to go to an art gallery and have dinner with a view of a famous landmark. We did go to the gallery. The restaurant was bigged up as over looking the landmark, again another trek, my language was nit picked (I'm not fluent but neither was she). You couldn't see the landmark at all. I ended up in tears.

After a horrendous journey back I got a text telling me how much I owed for meals which was far in excess of what I thought they were.

The whole holiday felt off and I just wished I hadn't gone. I've since been back and I mentioned to a friend of a friend that I'd love to eat somewhere near the landmark and we went! Someone I had just met as opposed to my friend of 2 decades.

Do not bother with your friend again. I assume she was after attention and it sounds upsetting.

One thing I have learnt in life is that you can't understand how someone like that behaves because it isn't in your nature..

Your friendship is done... If you are ever in that situation again there is nothing to gain by pampering around..She may have kicked off but at least you could have gone done things on your own not walk on egg shells.

I'd like to hear the other half of the story.

Just one more voice saying holidays let you see the real person/ see that you're not compatible. I did 4 weeks travelling in S America with someone I thought was my best friend. She treated me like the hired help, got me to do all the talking then criticised my limited Spanish, sulked, moaned, hated it if we met any Brits that I got on with. I actually "finished" with her when we got home, as you would with a boyfriend, said "I don't want to be your friend any more" and never saw her again.

She'd have been finding her own way back from the airport if she'd have done that to me!

I never spoke to a friend again after we spent a week together in Portugal, she’d tried my patience all week until I finally snapped on the plane coming home, we both got off the plane separately and never spoke to each other again. I don’t think I would go away for more than a couple of days with a friend again.

I hope you drove home without her

Oh god OP, how rubbish for you. I'm another who has had a couple of awful experiences with good friends abroad. I now wouldn't even consider it!

One was in Thailand and I couldn't actually speak to him for a year afterwards. He was just anxious about everything and made everything stressful and tense. The second time my friend was just really badly behaved, passive aggressive etc. We didn't speak for 3 years. At which point she apologised.

Sorry I’m a bit confused by your response. In the nicest way your health conditions that are exacerbated by standing is irrelevant to this.

My friend doesn’t have a health condition that’s made worse from standing. Equally the offer of going to that bar, was just that, an offer. She also didn’t suggest to do or go anywhere else. We didn’t end up going anyway, which is fine but at least offer up an alternative or say I want to go back.

Also confused about your waiting for the metro comment. At no point have I said she moaned about waiting for a metro, because she didn’t. She moaned about the fact the metro is considerably cheaper than a taxi and that it seemed to be my fault that we hadn’t used the metro from the beginning of our trip - despite her doing nothing to work out what stops we need.

Also the metro is underground, all you have is shade.