To end friendship over holiday?

[mycongratations]

Last weekend I went to Milan with a friend, got there early afternoon Friday to leave Sunday morning.

All started off great. We’d got taxis on the Friday which had ended up being expensive and then I realised there was a metro. I said to her oh just wait here whilst I take a photo of this metro name/number so I can figure out the stops/line we need and she just wandered off. Obviously I did it at both ends (main square and hotel) and both times she just kept walking when I knew she’d heard me.

After I figured out what line we needed we used the metro and she exclaimed “why don’t we just do this yesterday?!”. Like it was my fault when she did absolutely nothing to help figure it out.

The hotel had a mini spa and I booked us in for an hour as it was part of our booking but she kept ranting about how much they were going to charge us. Even though I repeatedly said it’s free but if they do I’ll pay for the spa because I booked it and it would be my mistake. Still not good enough and she kept ranting. When they didn’t charge us she said nothing.

On the Saturday afternoon when I asked her what she wanted to do “I’m not bothered” so I said let’s get Aperol Spritz on the balcony which overlooks the cathedral - my treat. “No I don’t want to do that”.

I tried to remain positive and cheery knowing she was in a mood and just not giving it attention and thinking she’ll bring herself out of it. The Sunday morning was horrible, there was so much tension I didn’t dare speak. I offered to get us a taxi to the bus that goes to the airport (I have a knee injury and it had been fine but by the Sunday it was painful) and she said no we’ll walk, then she looked at me and said really aggressively “well I can tell by your face you don’t want to”

Thankfully on the plane we were sat at opposite ends. But this meant we boarded at different ends, so I said wait for me near these stairs or I’ll wait for you - as neither of us will know if the other one has got off yet. As I was walking from the back stairs after landing I immediately saw her just walking off with no intention of waiting for me - we drove in my car so we were not parting ways at the airport.

I genuinely don’t think I did anything wrong on the trip, not saying I’m perfect but there was no one big thing that I can pinpoint as to why she’d behave so miserably - the entire trip was her idea.

I know my mother is at home, but otherwise I'd swear you went away with her. She's never gone on holiday with anyone and come home on speaking terms.
Some people just don't travel well.

Life's too short for negative people.

Ditch her. Unfortunately, you wont be the first to be shocked by going on holiday with a friend and you wont be the last. Spending 24/7 in someone's company when you previously only spent a few hours can be really eye opening.

Its happened to me before and I was utterly baffled why my friend turned from someone who was previously lovely into a similar moany negative complainer despite all my efforts to accommodate her. I also HATE when people wont suggest anything to do at all and finally when you do, they then have the cheek to whinge about it- SUGGEST SOMETHING then if you have preferences FFS.

I wouldnt be seeing her again and if she asked why I'd phrase it respectfully but also be brutally honest- her behaviour on holiday was awful- negative and constant whining.

I've seen on numerous threads people going on about well, maybe they dont enjoy holidays - so then dont fcking go, its common sense not to do something you dont want to do and then spend the entire time whining about it.

This!

Holidays can really make or break friendships.

I went away with a friend last year and she drove me absolutely insane. She faffed about so much that we twice missed the bus for our day trips (the only 2 we booked) and every plan we made she couldn’t remember the discussions. The last day I bit and she got offended but I’d spent 5 days biting my tongue.

We've barely communicated since which is a shame but it sometimes shows incompatibility

Have you actually asked her what was up with her? From what you've said, she sounds like a miserable twat, but then we do only have what you say.

If she's an insufferable twat in general then you don't need strangers on the internet to tell you to drop her.

That sounds really hard. I would certainly never go on holiday with her again. Someone else said upthread about going on holiday showing how compatible you are with friends and I agree. I once went on holiday with a housemate and it was very hard even though we lived together with no problems. We never went again!

I’d love to hear her side of this.

From your side she sounds like an absolute nightmare, but I wonder if her side would give some context, or would it just confirm that she’s difficult and unreasonable.

Obviously you’re incompatible as travelling companions, regardless.

So was she waiting by your car for you at the airport?

How was her mood when you got back to the car and (I'm guessing), drove her back to her house? Any communication to say thank you for driving? I don't understand why you wouldn't have said something to her at that point?

But yes, dump her off. She ruined your time away; why would anyone do that (and actually want to do that)?

She sounds dreadful.

You could send her a message saying that you didn’t understand what was wrong on the holiday because she didn’t communicate properly and is there anything she wishes to discuss / air ?

Better to confront this at the time if it happens again. Making stuff come out into the open can dissipate it.

But YANBU to find her a proper drama pain in the arse and frankly I would look elsewhere for friends henceforth.

F

I wonder what her thread on the weekend away would look like?

I would make holiday sabotage a hanging offense. Poor you OP, that must have been so horrible and awkward, treading on eggshells instead of having fun.
I would love your plans! Can I come next time? Haha
she is a nasty immature little shit. Forget the friendship you can do better.

An Aperol spritz overlooking the cathedral sounds lovely! She's a right old misery. Give her a wide berth for a while and don't book another holiday with her. It doesn't have to be the end of the friendship, but sounds like the end of any travelling together. Holidays with friends are really hard going, even if you know them well...

Yes, money worries did occur to me, too, especially as the flashpoints appear to have been financial - taxis vs public transport or taxi vs walking to the airport bus, or the potential extra cost of the hotel spa. But she should have been upfront about her concerns, just as the OP should have spoken directly about it at the time.

She sounds like a cow....i hope she gave you petrol and parking money for the lift to and from the airport.
I have a friend who is lovely but such a faffer and late for everything...i try to avoid going away with her as i seem to spend most of the time waiting around for her.

Never go away with this person ever again.

You've hinted that there is a backstory of poor behaviour from this person- maybe it's time to reconsider whether this is a healthy friendship.

As a side note- I can't stand people who won't make suggestions about what they want to do, won't offer a preference and then moan about whatever activity is proffered. You are an adult (apparently)- just speak up. Sorry you had a crap trip.

An Aperol spritz overlooking the cathedral sounds lovely! She's a right old misery

This. Miserable sod.

I dont know why people bother going on holiday if they want to spend the entire time moaning and being Debbie downer. You can do that at home for much less cost.

Take her on a day out to Stoke-on-Trent and leave her there.

Well she was absolutely fine on the Friday and we were having fun and a laugh. Then the Saturday afternoon was just … I don’t know if it’s because it was hot, crowded and we’d been walking or she didn’t expect the food to cost so much. Which for reference she wouldn’t pick a place and then when I suggested one it was “yeah if you want to?”

Thats why I also suggested me buying her a drink, there are so many different Aperol Spritz on the menu and the bar for anyone who doesn’t know has a balcony above the square overlooking the cathedral. You have to queue to get a seat but it’s not like we had to be somewhere. And she just wasn’t bothered.

Which ok fine but then suggest something don’t just say “I don’t mind” in an obvious sulk.

I immediately saw her just walking off with no intention of waiting for me - we drove in my car so we were not parting ways at the airport

Wait so did you give her a lift? Or did she just storm off and you didn't see her again?

did you give her a lift home in the end? how were things left..

I honestly think i couldn't have bit my tongue... I would of sooner gone out on my own

Sod that. Don’t bother again

She sounds about 12 years old. Surround yourself with radiators not drains OP. That's the best advice I ever received and it's served me well.