To think dh must be eating in secret at work?

[Whenaretheholidayd]

When I met dh he was a bit overweight but over the years he put on a lot of weight and he was morbidly obese. We were both eating a lot of junk food but especially dh. We'd had a baby and we were exhausted all the time.

Dh has got a big appetite but it's one of the things I do kind of love about him, we both love food and trying new things, cooking but it's the amount he eats.

A few years ago we both went on a health kick and lost loads of weight, more dh than me but we both felt great.

Dh has put it nearly all back on. But the thing is we are eating the same things. He's over 6 foot and naturally big built and eats the same as me so I can't understand why he has put all the weight back on. He hasn't gone back to how we were eating before. What he claims to eat is tiny really for a 6 foot male.

Before people jump on me, dh has got high blood pressure, high cholesterol and arthritis and is always complaining about joint pain

Yes he must be. A colleague of mine does it.
An ex-colleague of mine used to eat one cup of soup all day at work but she was obese, I always assumed she ate junk food in the car to and from work each day (45 min drive each way).

Rather than assuming he’s lying, perhaps there is an underlying condition.

I thought that, but he had blood tests recently and nothing showed up.

Ultimately it's up to him but I am worried he's heading for diabetes or worse.

Surely you'd be able to see from the bank/credit card statements if he was spending money on "extra" food? He must be getting the money from somewhere.

Yes of course he's eating at work if you've ruled out any other health complaints.

I imagine he isn't aware that he is taking in far more than he thinks.

What does he drink? Things like lattes can be quite high in calories. Or even several sugary cuppas .A few beers on a evening will mount up too.

Not really because he's got his own accounts separate from the joint account.

Seriously though he eats a bowl of weetabix, a ham roll and an orange and then a normal sized tea at home.

I was exactly the same. Eating "healthily" at home when with the family etc., but bingeing elsewhere out of sight, particularly in the car on my long daily commute. I always lost weight when we went abroad on holidays despite apparently eating more (i.e. eating out every day, etc), but that was because I wasn't stuffing my face with processed/carb ridden crap on my commute!

He's definitely secretly eating if he's still putting on weight on that kind of eating. It's exactly what I was doing.

Presumably even with his own bank account, you know what monies are paid into it and should have a fair idea of what monies he spends out of it for known items. You can make up some kind of income/expenses summary to see if it makes sense. If he's buying crap food on a daily basis, that could easily be £5-£10 per day, or £100-£200 per month, so it would be a bit of a black hole in his finances.

He doesn't drink alcohol at all only on special occasions, drink sugar free tea and coffee just normal plain tea and coffee.

We eat the same at home

Definitely OP. I have 2 colleagues at work like this, regularly come in talking about how their wives have got them all healthy eating at home and so they come into the office with Greggs/Mcdonalds breakfast, sit and eat crisps, chocolate etc all day, go get lunch even though they brought lunch in. They say they get it in through the day to keep the peace at home😂 it is silly though especially if he is denying it when the evidence speaks for itself

I mean there's nothing I can do anyway it's his choice but it's all baffling.

Either an eating disorder (binge eating disorder, hence the secrecy and denial) or another health issue causing weight gain. Most likely binge eating though.

It's not really "silly", it's actually an addiction, just like smoking, alcoholism or drug taking. If he's like me, he won't even be enjoying the obsessive eating, it just becomes a habit, then an addiction.

Read "why we eat too much" by Andrew Jenkinson. It explains how your body always fights hard to return to the weight set point and does it by cutting down heavily on other metabolic processes, so you can put on more weight by eating fewer calories.

The answer is to change the weight set point, so it is about what you eat, more than how much. No processed food or vegetable oil, for example, and steer will clear of all artificial sweeteners, which cause weight gain by triggering an insulin response and that has a knock on effect.

Read the book though, it is explained there better than I can

Yes it sounds like secret eating. My mum was (probably still is) like this. My dad was genuinely baffled that she was permanently on a diet but couldn't lose weight despite tiny portions, skipping meals etc. The more observant members of our household noticed the missing packets of biscuits and chocolate bar wrappers in the glove box of her car.

It's a genuine disorder for many people and he won't have any real control over it. He could seek help but he needs to be open and willing first but unfortunately sufferers feel a deep sense of shame and panic which presents as denial.

You want to see the food that is always in our office, firstly there's a fruit bowl which is good but that pretty much gets left to rot and thrown away. There's also at least 4 tubs of those Morrisons chocolate cornflake bites, millionaires shortbread, mini teacakes and brownie bites...they always get eaten. So whilst I eat healthily at mealtime, and have every intention of not snacking, sometimes I'll take one.

People do quite extraordinary mental gymnastics around losing weight. A colleague used to bring in a huge Pampered Chef divided plate loaded with salad leaves, raw veg and fruit that she used to crunch on throughout the day but she often got a McDonalds breakfast on the way in.

I could easily do in a packet of caramel and milk chocolate digestives in one day if I had them within arms length so I don’t buy biscuits. A packet of crisps, a sloppy bought sandwich for a deli or Greggs/ Subway and a few biscuits could easily equal his entire daily calorie requirement.

Does he drink water or does he like sugary drinks like Coke or Redbull?

I agree. My resolution was quite extreme as it was mostly caused by a long car commute (where I'd stop at one or two garages on the way to buy sandwiches, crisps, pies, chocolate bar, etc). Then at lunchtime, I'd go and buy another sandwich, cake, maybe another pie, etc! But at home, I'd not snack at all and eat the same meal as the rest of the family (none of whom are overweight!).

I tried so many times not to stop and buy carb laded crap on the commute. Sometimes I'd manage it, most times I'd get most of the way and then fail at the last possible garage and buy some crap, which I'd end up eating parked up on the road as there'd be no time to eat on the move as it was so close to work!

My extreme solution was to change jobs closer to home, so my 75 minute commute turned into 10 minutes. Much less chance to binge eat in just 10 minutes (but I still found a couple of corner shops on route but would buy less!). It made a massive difference and I lost a fair bit of weight. Just a shame at the massive loss of income I had to take the hit on! Then a few years later, I made another extreme change of giving up that job and starting self employment from a rented office a mile from home, where I could walk/cycle instead of taking the car. Completely removed the opportunity to binge eat on the commute!!

I'm now 7 stones lighter than I was when I binged my way through my long commute!

My husband tells me about people eating takeout on the tube on the way home from work, it's like they have a dinner before their home dinner.

Get his thyroid tested just to be sure that's not the issue.

I appreciate conditions can make the weight loss difficult, either by limiting exercise or fuelling appetite, but no condition can make the body magic up reserves of fat without the appropriate level of energy input.

Good for you - thanks for sharing your experience

My dh was doing this - eating rubbish during the work day while joining in with the rest of the house in making a concerted effort to eat healthily at home. He says he found it all (home food habits) too 'controlling'

DH was supposed to be doing Slimming World diet like I am. I met his PA who tells me he is having a school lunch with chips and a pudding🙄

That's not the breakfast or lunch I'd want to be eating if I was at risk of diabetes and other lifestyle illness.

What's a normal tea for him?