To think dh must be eating in secret at work?

[Whenaretheholidayd]

When I met dh he was a bit overweight but over the years he put on a lot of weight and he was morbidly obese. We were both eating a lot of junk food but especially dh. We'd had a baby and we were exhausted all the time.

Dh has got a big appetite but it's one of the things I do kind of love about him, we both love food and trying new things, cooking but it's the amount he eats.

A few years ago we both went on a health kick and lost loads of weight, more dh than me but we both felt great.

Dh has put it nearly all back on. But the thing is we are eating the same things. He's over 6 foot and naturally big built and eats the same as me so I can't understand why he has put all the weight back on. He hasn't gone back to how we were eating before. What he claims to eat is tiny really for a 6 foot male.

Before people jump on me, dh has got high blood pressure, high cholesterol and arthritis and is always complaining about joint pain

Alcohol after work? Sugary snacks and junk at work? Unless he has thyroid or other health issues. I would be worried too

My ex-husband used to do this - I'd make him a healthy lunch but he'd also buy himself a flapjack, some crisps and a chocolate bar. He'd also have the largest bowl of muesli known to mankind every morning for breakfast, convinced that muesli is the healthiest thing on earth. I tried swapping it for sugar-free muesli, but he wouldn't eat that! He'd eat the same as me and the kids in the evening, but was essentially having two lunches. He somehow managed to not realise this is what he was doing though and was genuinely baffled as to why he wasn't losing weight.

We just cut out takeaways and sugary foods like donuts, sweets, chocolate and cut it right back. Plus exercising every day.

We have started having a few more things but nowhere near like we were before. We were eating entire packs of donuts and biscuits.

it might not necessarily reveal anything though, if there's a free staff canteen at work or people bring cakes in on the daily or he just gets random amounts of cash out which could be for anything

I used to eat quite a bit at work. I worked near a town centre and there was no real eating space at work so I'd walk into town. Then I would find myself getting a meal deal or a greggs visit (on top of a choc bar that I'd brought in and the usual things ppl brought into work).

Some friends/ relatives have loads of choc wrappers in their car and crisps.

New workplace I try to take in a small sandwich- works out at a lot less calories.

Sadly yes and it was most nights. It only stopped when his Dr told him he’d be dead in a year unless he took drastic action. He was morbidly obese at the time. Happily he’s in a much better space now.

My husband does this. He gets junk food on the way to do the food shop, or on the way back from the tip etc. So basically eats an extra meal two or three times a week.

Yes my DH does it too. He can have a full McDonald’s meal on the way from work and then come home announcing he is hungry and going straight for the kitchen to make another meal or eat whatever is there for dinner.

Hello, it sounds like he might be suffering from a food addiction?

I recently listened to an incredible podcast where Richard Osman talked about his own food addiction - I really recommend you listen to it. He is such a thoughtful, clever guy but has been managing the addiction his whole life. It was very enlightening.

Here is the youtube link, but it's also on podcast platforms (apple/spotify) if you prefer to listen rather than watch (means you can get some work done while listening!)

I hope it helps x

I would hazard a guess he's still doing those thing but in secret then probably, and he's probably ashamed of it that is why he is lying.

It is difficult when you're in the grip of sugar addiction, I'm there right now, I can cut out sugar, chocolate, cakes etc, as long as I go cold turkey then don't have any, I can go years apart from the very odd treat, and not even like it when I have it, but if I start to have chocolate or sugary sweet stuff frequently I start to crave it every day constantly in between meals. I will 100% eat it in secret and hide the evidence.. I'm joining a group with someone next week because I need to be 'accountable' to something to shake it off this time.

If he is eating in secret and feeling ashamed, it may not take much to tip him into going to a group with you (you could peg it as your idea and you want him to come)? It could also help you encourage him to eat more at home and more packup (of the correct type of food) so he's not as hungry for stuff at work?

My dh does this as well. He's a big bear of a man so I used to shrug it off. It's his body and I didn't want to seem controlling. People know what's good for them and what's not. That shit went out the window when he broke a toilet seat and our bedframe in the same week. No funny business just sitting down on them. I really have no advice, just support posting. I make healthy foods for dh and he'll eat it all and still go eat junk. Nothing wrong with him either, just a chowhound

It doesn’t sound right for him to be eating the same as you. Men do need more calories. Giving complete benefit of the doubt, if someone isn’t eating enough, their body goes into starvation mode and holds onto all fat possible when they do eat anything with the smallest amount of fat. That’s why extreme/yo-yo dieting is so unhelpful.

but from what you’ve said Thai is unlikely the case here

Maybe suggest weight watchers or similar to encourage him.

Take a step back.

I am not responsible for my OHs weight- my life is too busy to concern myself with the weight of another adult.
My ex was dieting off and on for years.
I was young and naiive and help him plan low fat, low calorie meals- which I would buy and cook for his evening meal.
I then started to notice his breath always smelled of chocolate when he come in from work, he passed several small shops on the short walk home.

I thought why the fuck am I going to all this effort when he is eating shit. So I stopped.

His weight loss would have lowered his metabolism at least somewhat, maybe he's eating extra too.

In my experience it's impossible to get others to lose weight though.

It could be he has unhealthy habits when he’s not around you OP but it could also be an underlying health concern.
I put on over 4 stone and had not changed my diet, did several blood tests but until they specifically checked my thyroid function no one told me that could be the cause. Does he have any other symptoms like extremely tired and mood swings? The doctors don’t always check for everything when they do their tests. Fingers crossed you got answers - I understand what it’s like worrying about your husbands health. Mine is already diabetic after ignoring my pleas to cut back for 20 years. :/

I have seen overweight people eat little in front of people, perhaps because they do not feel comfortable eating the amounts they normally do as they worry what people may think. I am talking every meal a salad or snack fruit, but still being very overweight (would see this because of eating lunches together). Obviously, I could not know for sure. But for example, it can go the opposite too....where a thin person will eat a big meal, but then not snack in between and that is how they stay slim.

My dh told me that we needed to eat healthier dinners as he was putting on weight. I pointed out the our dinners were actually quite healthy and that I wasn’t putting on weight. When I asked him what he was eating in the day at work, it was like listing out all the coffee shops and fast food outlets in the country. I would say this is very likely to be the case with your dh.

Very likely secret eating at work. I have a drawer full of snacks at work!

Wheatabix, a ham roll and an orange is not very much food, and certainly not very satisfying for a 6ft man. I would be starving and that would probably lead to shovelling in crap.

Does he work in an office where theres a bring in cakes/treats culture? Perhaps he doesn't even realised he's eating more?

There is probably a work trough in the office, and the odd cake or biscuits here and there each day can mount up

I don't see my husband's bank account or credit card bills and he doesn't see mine.
So that wouldn't work

My downfall was secret eating on the way to and from work - I could eat healthily all day but used to buy cinema sized bags x 2 of Maltesers or M&Ms for each car journey 🤐

I have lost weight but still really crave these, sometimes I cave in. He’s maybe doing something like that.

@Notjustabrunette I had a similar situation with DH. He told me that he was gaining weight because of all the lovely dinners I make .... but he was totally oblivious to the impact of his regular 11pm runs on the cereal dispenser or the sheer number of biscuits he was getting through or the fact that if I bought a loaf of bread, it would disappear within a day or the fact that a jar of peanut butter would not last a week.

Interestingly, he's been a bit concerned about his weight again recently and hasn't really said anything to me but I have noticed we're at normal bread consumption levels and the cereal has gone down since I bought it, but not to the same level. so clearly he did absorb that message.

OP - is it possible your Dh is doing that? eg while making his ham roll for lunch, he's eating another one at breakfast (DH used to do this a LOT - make himself a large sandwich but stuff his gob with at least 2 additional slices of bread in the process) or snacking late at night?

The body can shut down other metabolic process to divert energy though