To think dh must be eating in secret at work?

[Whenaretheholidayd]

When I met dh he was a bit overweight but over the years he put on a lot of weight and he was morbidly obese. We were both eating a lot of junk food but especially dh. We'd had a baby and we were exhausted all the time.

Dh has got a big appetite but it's one of the things I do kind of love about him, we both love food and trying new things, cooking but it's the amount he eats.

A few years ago we both went on a health kick and lost loads of weight, more dh than me but we both felt great.

Dh has put it nearly all back on. But the thing is we are eating the same things. He's over 6 foot and naturally big built and eats the same as me so I can't understand why he has put all the weight back on. He hasn't gone back to how we were eating before. What he claims to eat is tiny really for a 6 foot male.

Before people jump on me, dh has got high blood pressure, high cholesterol and arthritis and is always complaining about joint pain

I haven't read all the replies so sorry if anything I say has already been said... First off has he mentioned his weight gain too you? I'm thinking that if you've notice how much weight he's put on then he must have too and would be just as baffled if he's only eating what you eat. Then I was wondering if he has an undiagnosed medical condition such as hypothyroidism, the doctor would have to specifically request this blood test iirc.

I thought artificial sweeteners didn't trigger an insulin response like sugar does

Could your DH now have Type 2 diabetes along with metabolic syndrome (all of the other health issues you listed)? Perhaps he is eating extras at work, but if your DH has T2 diabetes or at the very least insulin resistant, then that could be contributing towards his weight gain and the other health conditions he’s suffering from.

Do you eat much in the way of carbohydrates and sugar? Even the wholemeal/brown versions of bread, pasta and rice can be high in carbohydrates, which essentially breakdown into sugar. Potatoes and some other vegetables, plus most fruits are high in sugar/carbohydrates and may impact on your DH’s blood sugar and insulin response to them.

Have a look at low carb/keto ways of eating, maybe the Diet Doctor website or Public Health Collaboration.

It is a condition. It's overactive use of his knife and fork. ;)

Ask to have a look at his bank statement or check his phone wallet to see if there are transactions from fast food places.

I’d guess he’s having burgers or naughty stuff at work , which is sad he should be able to do that without feeling guilty and be able to share with you, guilt will make him eat more as I’m an emotional eater I have lost a lot of weight and still have a couple of stone to go but inbetween losing it I maintain for 6 months as I never want to get that big again. It would kill me to gain it back I think he is probably feeling depressed so you need to try and talk to him and not make him feel crappier than he probably does now, he needs to try to understand what causes him to eat rubbish I don’t deny myself anything as he or you been too strict with food

Another mention for ‘why we eat too much’ by Andrew Jenkinson, hugely illuminating on food weight issues

My ex did exactly this. I couldn't understand why he was putting on weight when we ate the same. He denied eating anything extra when I asked. He also always seemed to be skint when he didn’t go anywhere. This went on for some time, then I borrowed his car and found so many receipts 🤦‍♀️ he was taking his “lunch” to work, eating it mid-morning then having a full lunch! We broke up shortly after but I believe the underlying cause was undiagnosed depression (looking back it was clear but I was young at the time).

My DH and myself were like this, our at home meals were exactly the same, but I put on loads of weight and he never has and is super slim. I have lost most of my excess weight now but it took me quite a few years to get my mindset right.
My downfall is picking when I am cooking and could easily eat a few slices of bread and cheese then sit down and eat a full meal. Then a coffee and biscuits and supper later on. I could go till 3pm without eating anything but then didn't know what to eat first as I be so hungry. It is as if I could not feel full and would just continue to eat.
I joined slimming world and have changed my eating habits for the most part but still have lapses if I am not careful.
You have to do it together again. Remember if you don't have junk in the house he can't eat it. Hopefully he isn't eating rubbish at work?
I would start planning healthy meals for home and perhaps get him to start making himself a packed lunch,( not sarnies and a packed crisps)
Look at the type of healthy eating plans that suit you both High protein diets with regular healthy snacks so he feels as if he is getting a treat, Seem to work for men. Slimming World also seem to be a successful weight loss plan for men often losing 10 stone + .

I don’t think you can assume he is but of course it’s a possibility but what can you do if he won’t be open with you?

I don’t binge at home or work and have to stay on low calories. I do have a really poor metabolism. I’d hate to think people are imagining me bingeing just because I’m eating well at work and not a size 8!

@Badbadbunny sounds very similar to my experience growing up, I was forced to eat everything that was put in front of me, ‘starving children in Africa’ would be grateful for any food and wouldn’t be wasteful etc etc
The whole family was overweight, lots of fried food and stodgy carbs.

Then I was punished for being overweight.
started when I was about 7, in all those years it never occurred to my mum that she controlled what I ate and that’s why I was fat.

So pleased I read this tonight as it was something I was about to post about. My DH and I are the same height but completely different metabolisms, I can generally eat what and however much I want and gain weight very slowly. DH gains weight just looking at food. Although his diet at home is average, it’s the secret eating that’s causing real issues. He has to drive as part of his job and can unexpectedly be out all day so doesn’t have time to pack lunch, instead work gives expenses which he buys complete junk with, bags of cookies, pork pies, bottles of coke etc. and he absolutely has to have a bag of sweets on the go in the glove box no matter the length of the journey. It’s something his parents always did, which is probably why he had to have fillings as a child and then his baby teeth removed.

He has lied about what he’s eaten in the past too, once he came home reeking in grease, said he had nipped in a greasy spoon for a coffee with a colleague but didn’t have anything else. When I said I was going to make us a sandwich as he had missed lunch, turns out he had bacon sandwiches as well. Once in a while as a treat, these are all fine but not several times a week. He’s mid forties now and not exercising anything like he used to. I’m terrified he is heading for ill health (FIL had heart attack at young age) and to be honest I find the extra weight (about 3.5 - 4 stone) a bit unattractive.

I’ll be reading your responses with interest OP, sorry I can’t offer any myself as stuck in the same situation and not sure what (if anything) I say to him.

What are you hoping to achieve with this post?

Lots of people consume large amounts of calories without really being aware.
He might not be lying, just a bit unaware of it.
If he has the sort of office where there are pastries and chocolates everywhere it might be hard to avoid, especially if it’s become habitual.

Actually, in many people artificial sweeteners can lead to more hunger and weight gain. I view them as a marketing gimmick by the food industry.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29159583/

Oh god, a voice of reason at last

Havent read the full thread yet but just this. Jesus christ, it doesnt need to be some sneaky secret, binge, disordered eating

I say this a lot on these threads but someone on another thread some time ago, calculated that you literally only need the calorie equivalent of 2 or 3 chocolate biscuits every day, in excess of your calorie requirements to put on a stone a year.

Thats all, no disorders, or addictions or binges, or secrecy needed

And like others have said, our office is full of chocolate, biscuits, cakes, fruit that goes off.

Maybe the current food you eat at home isn't working for him hence the overeating elsewhere. But until he is able to talk about it or take action himself, there isn't a huge amount you can do.

Our bodies change as we age and maybe he needs a new approach?

I find calories sneak in…. Does he eat mints throughout the day, stop and grab crisps and a chocolate bar when he refuels car?! Stuff like that, you don’t even realise you’re doing it. Or does he
drink beer or sugary drinks?

Hi OP, it sounds to me like he isn’t having enough and his metabolism has probably slowed down to a snails pace. Have a look at something called BMR, there are calculators online, you enter your height weight gender and age and it calculates the calories your body needs for basic function and gives guides based on activity levels. My husband was struggling to lose weight and was piling it back on he looked at this and was surprised to see he was not eating anywhere near enough calories for his size and activity levels. He had to increase his intake by over 1000 calories and now he’s lost what he wanted to, built muscle and is thriving. Its surprising how much a body needs just to run basic functions never mind work, exercise and extra activity included.

ThisDaringLurker
But if not eating enough can slow down your metabolism to such an extent that you gain weight - why were there zero obese inmates in Auchwitz or in the footage of the Ethiopian Famine ????

It's nonsense. You cannot gain weight by eating less calories than your body burns. Your weight loss can slow down, but you will continue to lose weight.

Well done on responding to that, you wont convince the poster however

Its laughable that people believe this, it really is.

I know.......all the documented and filmed Famines where a percentage among the starving are waddling around with double chins and love handles.......🙄

@BMW6 @soupfiend as someone who knows a fair bit about this professionally and works in an adjacent field....its mind- blowing that otherwise intelligent adults seem to wholeheartedly believe this.

Claiming a person gained weight in a calorie deficit is equivalent to claiming that one time gravity failed to function (on earth).

Yes, your metabolism can slow down. A bit. Enough to reduce the speed at which you lose weight. Your body can't manufacture fat (stored energy) out of calories (energy) it doesn't receieve. I actually agree that very low calorie diets are a bad idea except in the most extreme of circumstances, mostly because they cause muscle loss, which is counterproductive in the long run, and also because they're psychologically stressful. They'll sure as hell make you lose weight though.

This awakened furious memories for me, I'd cook a sensible evening meal after working all day. Ex H would come in, I can hear him now, 'don't fancy it,' in his whiny tone.
As he got even fatter and more red faced.
He'd sat in greasy spoons, eating fatty meals, with pasties in between.

DH gains weight just looking at food. Although his diet at home is average, it’s the secret eating that’s causing real issues. He has to drive as part of his job and can unexpectedly be out all day so doesn’t have time to pack lunch, instead work gives expenses which he buys complete junk with, bags of cookies, pork pies, bottles of coke etc. and he absolutely has to have a bag of sweets on the go in the glove box no matter the length of the journey.

That's not just looking at food. That is thinking about food, looking at food then shoving it in his mouth and swallowing it. In large quantities.