To think dh must be eating in secret at work?

[Whenaretheholidayd]

When I met dh he was a bit overweight but over the years he put on a lot of weight and he was morbidly obese. We were both eating a lot of junk food but especially dh. We'd had a baby and we were exhausted all the time.

Dh has got a big appetite but it's one of the things I do kind of love about him, we both love food and trying new things, cooking but it's the amount he eats.

A few years ago we both went on a health kick and lost loads of weight, more dh than me but we both felt great.

Dh has put it nearly all back on. But the thing is we are eating the same things. He's over 6 foot and naturally big built and eats the same as me so I can't understand why he has put all the weight back on. He hasn't gone back to how we were eating before. What he claims to eat is tiny really for a 6 foot male.

Before people jump on me, dh has got high blood pressure, high cholesterol and arthritis and is always complaining about joint pain

I think eating in secret is common if you are ashamed. It's sad.

Too many calories in + not enough exercise = weight gain.

I think you said there are no underlying health conditions causing the weight gain - but the worry is the overweight will cause health conditions.

So he's eating in secret.

The small breakfast is not enough - he needs a bigger healthy breakfast and packed lunch - he's getting hungry and overeating during the day.

Then he eats with you at night.

He's embarrassed by it all and doesn't know how to tell you.

There's no mystery, but the cause of the secret overeating (and how he's paying for it out of family money) need to be looked at.

There are some great suggestions here on how to approach it. Be careful not to seem controlling, nagging, parent-child, critical etc.

Do you know what his childhood and parents were like? It can start there.

https://karidahlgren.net/sneak-eating/

PS - is it possible he's taking medication you don't know about? Some can cause weight gain.

I've got a good friend like this. We meet up semi-regularly, and she'll make a point of choosing something either small or healthy. She'll often have a salad, whereas I'm having pizza, and then make all the noises that this is her main meal of the day, or how she's now "stuffed" after her "massive salad".

I call complete bollocks. She's always been very overweight, since our teenage years, and now she must be a size 30+. She's one of those people that you do look twice at, because she's so large, and she's no height. 5"2 perhaps.

Sorry, but with all the health conditions in the world, you don't get to be a size 30+ on a diet of salads. Absolutely not. She's binging at home or something.

For a short time in our early 20s, she lost all the weight, and was unrecognizable. But it was all back on again by the time we were in our early 30s.

Yes - 30 years of marriage and I’ve not managed to get DH to lose weight. I’ve encouraged him to come with me to SW where there are other men- he won’t.

I don’t think you can actually get someone else to change - they have to want to do it themselves. Unfortunately a lot of men only get their act together after a shock such as a heart attack. I’m hoping to God mine doesn’t end up there.

Quite frankly, you sound a bit judgey. And she probably knows that so is too embarrassed to eat in front of you.

Secret eaters was hilarious at times. Remember one where a brother and sister ate really healthily on the week. Then Friday night was pub, party with buffet, and the home to a late night pizza. Then feeling rough the next day and needing a fry up .

Waaah! @PeachPairPlum your post just makes me think "mmmm, pizza, fryups" 🤣. There is no hope for me.

I have not RTFT so sorry if already mentioned but DB put on 5 stone in 4 years due to office 'treats' donuts, biscuits cakes etc etc. They were "free" and "rewards" so it seemed weird not to, frankly. It is so easy to eat 3 not 1 and daily that is a disaster.

My DP is like this. Not overweight but completely mindless of how much he eats and calories of foods. Can easily snack through about 10 bourbon biscuits (Aldi ones have 69 calories per biscuit so almost 700 calories) and then claim he hasn’t eaten anything all day.

What kind of job does he do? If he works in an office where brews and biscuits are easily available he could well be snacking and not even realising what he’s eating if he isn’t going out and buying it. My office gave treat Fridays where the manager buys cakes and puts them out. Doesn’t really take much to eat over your calories and put weight on.

There’s a man who parks at the top of my lane, 5 days a week, 5.15pm each time. It’s a private lane so we asked why he keeps parking on our lane he said he wife makes him eat small meals so he always eats a large McDonalds before going home and she cannot find out … hence the obscure private location many miles away from McDonalds

Where does this food come from and why doesn't anyone eat the fruit?

I completely agree with other PP - it’s almost impossible to get others to lose weight. I was obese for years and anyone trying to broach it with me usually resulted in me eating even more, and in secret.

Like what? What metabolic processes does it shut down and how much energy is diverted? That simply doesn't sound credible on any sort of scale to make someone obese.

He's not eating extra food from the house. He's not drinking or having high calorie drinks at home.

He doesn't work in an office he's out on sites at different locations each day.

Since the losing weight we have gone back to have the odd takeaway or a couple of biscuits but it's nowhere near enough to put on the weight which he has.

The lunches he takes to work seem too small to sustain him all day but he says that's all he has. He says he's put on weight because we haven't been eating as healthily as we were. But surely I would have put on a lot of weight too? We eat the same meals. He might have a slightly larger portion but we never eat humongous portions.

So either he's eating more at work or his metabolism is all messed up.

His family are/were all very overweight grandparents included. My family are all very slim I can't say my family are all healthy eaters though, far from it. Does make you wonder.

Secret eating will more than likely be the answer OP.

To me it's the same as alcoholism - or any other addiction - the first obstacle to recovery is the DENIAL, especially to themselves.

My sister hides the chocolate bar wrappers from herself - pushes deep into the bin so she can pretend she hasn't eaten them. How do I know this? She told me. She knows how crazy and illogical it is.

DH is an alcoholic. He also hides the empty bottles - (I inevitably find them) Not from me, but from himself. I know this because, again, he told me. He knows how crazy and illogical it is.

Both of these are in Denial and anyone in Denial cannot help themselves get better until they take the first step of acknowledging their addiction and lies.

I'm afraid that I don't think there is anything you can do about the secret eating. I would encourage him to eat much more of his daily calories at breakfast, because that's the meal you burn off most effectively.

I read once that we should Breakfast like Kings, lunch like Princes and Sup like Paupers. Doesn't fit with our lifestyles and daily routine though.

Nobody should jump on you OP, you're right to worry. All the health worries you've listed are likely caused by his weight and yea he is defi eating in secret, no doubt about that.

Any chance you could tell him you've guessed and you want to help him as you're really worried about his health? What about you sign up for a big charity walk or other similar event together? It'd give you both a healthy goal that also doesn't only focus on diets or fat loss but also an exciting future event.

OP what about sugary coffes/teas/milkshakes
does he have those?

Lots of calories in some of those and he may not be considering them as "eating" as it is " drinking" but if driving in the car and he has 3-5 sugary drinks in a day that's a lot of calories

Went to Starbucks website and looked at their Coffee Frappuccino® Blended Beverage

Serving size Grande
Energy1255kJ/299kcal *
Fat15.9g
Saturated fat11.1g
Carbohydrates33.9g
Sugar32.9g
Fibre0.2g
Protein4.8g
Salt0.54g
Caffeine31.4mg **

• Adults need around 2000 kcal a day.

** Caffeine content is an approximate value

if he is drinking a fair few of those that could be the answer?

And how much is he drinking?? Not talking alcohol but other stuff. Someone mentioned lattes and if he's have a syrup with them and having a couple a day that adds up. Likewise soda - even with the sweeteners that are used in a lot these days there's still some sugar. My OH's downfall is orange juice. He thinks it's very healthy and I agree. But I've known him to have 4 or 5 litres in one day which is a huge amount of sugar.

This is a classic example of Denial. To herself much much more than to you.

She really needs to believe what she says.

It's very sad.

Any more judgey than other people making various comments on this thread? Not sure why you're singling this one poster out.

I think in all likelihood the breakfast pitstops at McDonalds have probably started again. While it's brilliant that you are both exercising, you can't outrun a bad diet and given his height etc it is likely that he is over-consuming significantly on what he should be eating.

Why don't you suggest calorie counting together with MFP. You can then share each other's food diary at the end of the day. If nothing else, and he is not secret eating, it may educate him better on what a dollop of mayonnaise or a latte with syrup actually contains.

I'm currently trying to shift a few pounds and I find calorie counting (with absolute honesty and full disclosure) the only thing that really works as it's all too easy to forget or disregard those little things that add up over time.

I should think that a daily McDonalds breakfast habit would be very hard to kick, so I assume that is where he is going.

Man, UPFs have really done a number on this country.

Resulting in the person being colder, having less energy, and potentially losing weight at a slower weight than expecting. That's the grain of truth in the 'starvation mode' myth, and the reason you may not lose weight any faster on 1200 calories than you will on 1500.

The body still can't conjour fat out of energy it isn't getting. If it could, starvation would be impossible.

The body still can't conjour fat out of energy it isn't getting. If it could, starvation would be impossible.

Quite. All the newsreels of starving people that have been viewed over 100+ years you'd think there would be footage of a few overweight people among them. There is no such footage because if you eat less calories than your body needs to function you WILL starve to death.

FWIW I am myself at least 5 stone overweight. At least. I know why and its entirely up to me to change it if I want to. I have NO excuses.