To think dh must be eating in secret at work?

[Whenaretheholidayd]

When I met dh he was a bit overweight but over the years he put on a lot of weight and he was morbidly obese. We were both eating a lot of junk food but especially dh. We'd had a baby and we were exhausted all the time.

Dh has got a big appetite but it's one of the things I do kind of love about him, we both love food and trying new things, cooking but it's the amount he eats.

A few years ago we both went on a health kick and lost loads of weight, more dh than me but we both felt great.

Dh has put it nearly all back on. But the thing is we are eating the same things. He's over 6 foot and naturally big built and eats the same as me so I can't understand why he has put all the weight back on. He hasn't gone back to how we were eating before. What he claims to eat is tiny really for a 6 foot male.

Before people jump on me, dh has got high blood pressure, high cholesterol and arthritis and is always complaining about joint pain

It could just be his body's trying to maintain it's previous weight - I can't remember the intricacies but I remember hearing/reading that once weight has been gained it's incredibly hard to keep off and that the evidence behind dieting and exercise doesn't actually stack up over long term studies, only short term.

I think it may have been on that Diary Of A CEO youtube channel that the young guy from Dragon's Den runs

I can assure you, in 20 years plus of friendship, I've never ONCE mentioned her weight, or mine come to think of it.
I can think what I want, and do. But I've always been really, really careful never to mention her size. I've made an absolute POINT never to.
My older sister is also a larger lady, and we grew up in a rather fat-shamey house (even though my dad was also larger), and she really struggled with hearing all of our mums "come from a place of concern and love" comments.

You know nothing about my friend and I's relationship, so... call me whatever you like.

Does he snore op?

This sounds like me and my dh. His whole family are thin, mine are overweight. If we eat the same food I will gain weight. If he eats what I need to to be healthy he has to snack all day or he gets underweight. You can't both eat the same thing and get the same outcome that's not how it works.
So he needs to find a way of eating that works for him and the two of you can figure out how to cook adaptable family meals. I find the fast 800 recipes easy to adapt for this as my family can add the extra sides like rice or potatoes whereas my side is veggies only or cauliflower rice.
But that's just what works for me, your husband needs to find what works for him. I hope that helps.
I also find if I start eating the odd takeaway or biscuit I crave them all day whereas my husband does not, this makes it much harder to eat healthily consistently. This may be going on with your husband also and is why slimming world did not work for me long term, I need healthy fats and to cook my own 'treat' foods using whole food ingredients otherwise the cravings are a nightmare.
I hope that helps a little. Your husband has to do it himself but you can suppprt him. For example I do all the meal plans and food shopping and my husband does the cooking and reminds me that pizza is not my friend.

But this is what causes obesity, the body fighting to remain at the weight set point, metabolic rate can be slowed right down to store energy as fat, rather than using it up in hormones, temperature control, etc.

I think you've been sold a pup.

no, this is well established and accepted science, peer reviewed, and confirmed in many many different studies.

There are peer reviewed studies that someone eating a calorific deficit will become obese?

You're making a lot of claims with little support here.

If a woman who should burn 2000 calories based on the normal calculation for her age, height, weight and activity levels decides to eat 1700 calories instead - what exactly happens in the body to drop her metabolic rate below that and make her gain weight? What functions are not happening, and how many calories do each of those functions utilise in a woman who doesn't have this problem?

Which us why you see so many obese people in places experiencing periods of extreme famine

Of course he is.

Someone I know was morbidly obese and his wife made sure they ate a really healthy diet at home (she is a healthy size). I used to often see him in the alley next to the chip shop with a big polystyrene tray.

Sadly he died a couple of years ago and he was only 45.

Absolute nonsense. On a par with the earth is flat.

Find me one photo of an overweight inmate of any concentration camp at their liberation in WW2.

Or one among the multitude during the Ethiopia famine in 1985.

Just one.

I have similar issues with my DP sometimes as he’s in denial a lot about how much he is eating. I’ve lost a ton of weight and this finally spurred him on to try to lose some, but I don’t think it will last as his urge to eat (when I am not around) always seems to win. I have spoken to him so many times about his health and that I obviously love him and want him to be happy healthy and live longer, its hard seeing a not even 40yo man struggle with his joints just through weight

Ive also been in denial my whole adult life about what I was eating, my portion sizes and basically ‘blind eating’ where you aren’t even aware of what you are consuming. The show secret eaters always showed a disconnect between what people believed they ate and what they did eat. Mindful eating is a skill you have to learn to stop blind eating and crack the denial and not everyone wants to do it. I was binge eating for years in secret until I had a wake up call that I needed to stop

My DP and I do not disagree on anything else apart from food! He over feeds the DC which is one area of contention. He is more open now when he does ‘fall off the wagon’ as I have just worked to open communication so he’s not eating secretly behind my back and denying it, and this has helped but he tends to go on a splurge spree after being good for a long time

basically this is disordered eating and not something you can really solve for him, you just have to be supportive and try get him to open up to you. You could end up in a dynamic where he is hiding it out of shame and embarrassment.

Absolutely right Menora

Starvation mode is a term that’s been completely twisted to fit the fat positivity movement. Calorie restriction does not cause obesity physiologically. It can cause mental health issues I don’t dispute that because it can be stressful but if you reduce calories overall below your TDEE you will lose weight it is science.

people who restrict too far and find it stressful often end up regaining weight through the emotional/psychological impact of the restriction (bursting free of it and then over indulging rapidly) rather than a scientific/physiological reason. This is disordered eating.

Set point weight is a theory, it usually is that you will eat regularly the same calories every day so stay at one point of weight. Humans are creatures of habit - I can stay at one range of weight by just eating similar things nearly every single day, humans tend to do that, that’s how it works. It’s not anything scientific apart from habits

Of course he's eating loads/badly when he's not at home. It would be seriously clutching at straws to suggest any other reason. Yes, of course certain illnesses can cause weight gain, and yo-yo dieting can mess with your metabolism. But in the case of a man who overate junk in the past, and whose family are similar, and who probably felt pressure to diet in the first place as his wife was doing it at the same time, it's hardly a leap to know what's going on.

I bet if you book a two week family holiday, do everything together, eat healthily together, he'll lose weight. Because he won't be able to secret eat.

Citation? Genuinely, if such a study exists, please show me, because I'm a scientist and I want to read it.

You cannot gain weight in a sustained calorie deficit. Indeed, you cannot fail to lose weight in a sustained calorie deficit. If it was ever discovered that a person in a verified, sustained calorie deficit gained weight, it would be a global headline, because it would a) literally contravene our understanding of the laws of physics and b) possibly solve the global fuel crisis, having demonstrated that energy can, in fact, be created out of nothing.

He says he's put on weight because we haven't been eating as healthily as we were. But surely I would have put on a lot of weight too? We eat the same meals. He might have a slightly larger portion but we never eat humongous portions.

So either he's eating more at work or his metabolism is all messed up.

Some people are more prone to putting on weight as they get more energy form from food -
https://www.futurity.org/gut-microbes-diet-weight-2850792-2/#:~:text=The%20research%20indicates%20that%20some,composition%20of%20their%20gut%20microbes.

and medications/diseases can impact weight - but at some point less calories in means weight loss inevitably not gain.

What I do see here is him making it a you or shared problem - if he wants to lose wight really make it a him issue - point him in direction of https://www.myfitnesspal.com/ or any local weight loss programs every time he mentions wanting to lose weight or any diet books (maybe intermittent dieting might help him) - but this is not something you can solve for him.

My DH denied he was eating rubbish food - but he wouldn’t open his car boot in front of me or DD!
He vehemently denied it until he was diagnosed with T2 diabetes, developed a dvt and pulmonary embolism that could have killed him and was told bluntly by a hospital doctor that the only person he was fooling was himself!
Then he swung totally in the opposite direction, became obsessed with food labels and drastically lost weight so his diabetes became unstable, and remains so because he won’t monitor it as he should, and he now is too thin and has osteoporosis.
I cook from scratch, we eat healthy meals at home but I can’t control what he chooses to eat outside of the house 🤷🏼‍♀️
I gave up several years ago, if he won’t look after himself then no one else can.

@liann34 I would love to see this too 😂
I haven’t done a ton of research into the starvation experiment but from recollection it was very tough on the subjects mentally and physically, and the psychological impacts were long term, many of them turned to binge eating. There really are many wider issues with calorie restrictions but that doesn’t negate the science of CICO 👏🏻

He must be eating an extra lunch at work or something. He'd be losing weight if he ate what he claims. The thing is if he won't admit it then there's little you can do about it.
It's a bit extreme but would he consider injections? It's meant to good for the heart and stop food cravings. You don't have to confront him about the secret eating, he will know you know!

I used to work with someone who's wife 'put him on a diet'. On the way home from work he'd stop for a steak and chips and onion rings almost every night because he said he was hungry with the rabbit food she fed him.
We all knew but apparently his wife never did.

What does he drink throughout the day?

He needs to go to a weight loss clinic, and have appropriate therapy. Or do weight watchers- with weekly group weigh-in. Or wegovy. Or overeaters anonymous

After many years of restrictive eating I now eat very little but never lose weight and will gain on anything above 1000 cals - I was once referred to a specialist as I was overweight and not losing and he told me I was "built for famine" and the in the event of any apocalypse I'd likely be the ast woman standing as I could survive on so little. Nice of him. Then he discharged me as I have no health issues.

No saying that this is the case with your DH but if he does have binge eating disorder he is unlikely just to come out and tell you. He may not even be admitting it to himself. Maybe seek some advice from BEAT or a similar helpline, eating disorders are devious b*stards and completely take over your brain.