To think dh must be eating in secret at work?

[Whenaretheholidayd]

When I met dh he was a bit overweight but over the years he put on a lot of weight and he was morbidly obese. We were both eating a lot of junk food but especially dh. We'd had a baby and we were exhausted all the time.

Dh has got a big appetite but it's one of the things I do kind of love about him, we both love food and trying new things, cooking but it's the amount he eats.

A few years ago we both went on a health kick and lost loads of weight, more dh than me but we both felt great.

Dh has put it nearly all back on. But the thing is we are eating the same things. He's over 6 foot and naturally big built and eats the same as me so I can't understand why he has put all the weight back on. He hasn't gone back to how we were eating before. What he claims to eat is tiny really for a 6 foot male.

Before people jump on me, dh has got high blood pressure, high cholesterol and arthritis and is always complaining about joint pain

You are probably right.

Thinking about it, I eat a lovely healthy diet at home, because I want my son to see that. Then at work I eat all the stuff I don't eat at home 😳.

He needs to go on Mounjaro! It stops you craving food and allows you to make a sensible choice. It just doesn't occur to you to want anything. I haven't had any sweets or alcohol or crisps for a few weeks - haven't given it a thought - but I was having wine and sweets every day beforehand.

For info, I'm not telling him to eat a roll and an orange. I don't tell him what to eat at all.

He keeps saying he needs to lose weight and is going to get back on a diet but really for a man his size he isn't eating excessively.

I was thinking exactly this! Nowhere near enough calories let alone fruit, veg or complex carbohydrates for a man of six foot. He’s probably starving being expected to live just off of that especially IF and I say if because I don’t know he feels like he’s been watched like a hawk over his diet. I would say secret eating is likely. He needs to re-address his diet plan.

What's a penis portion?

If he's not eating extra, maybe he's not eating the right food. Read up about blood sugar spikes, and how they affect weight loss. Make sure he's getting enough sleep too. That's a huge factor.

And if you can, try get more active for all things. An hour at the gym is good, but if the rest of the day is sedentary, that'll be an issue. If he can walk/cycle to work (or part of the journey), walk to shops instead of driving, go for a walk after tea etc, that'll help a lot.

The practice of giving bigger portions to men. I know that they do usually require more calories, but a penis portions person is someone who thinks women have a moral obligation to eat less than men, will always serve women smaller portions out of principle, etc etc.

This reminds me of my colleague, she said her and her husband were both on a health kick. No junk food allowed in the house. She ate her healthy lunch followed by chips, crisps, cans of coke and chocolate from the canteen! If any of us looked her way, she'd say, I have to eat it here so that he doesn't know! After 4 month she looked far bigger as she was eating alot more. Your husband is definitely eating excess calories elsewhere!

Yeah I agree with the 'Look I love you and ultimately it is up to you but either you are secretly eating or there is something seriously wrong with your health.' There's so much shame around food and eating disorders - very hard to cut through all that if someone is resistant.

I have asked him yes. Because he keeps saying he needs to lose weight again which he does.

I said it on a way like "you're not really eating loads so are you having other stuff at work" He said absolutely not he eats his lunch and that's it. He makes his own lunch which is usually a roll and then takes some fruit and maybe a yoghurt.

We don't have enormous portions at dinner, the rest of the family we are all slim but we don't starve ourselves either.

If I've ever commented on his eating it only been to suggest he takes more food and more filling food and some snacks like maybe boiled egg, nuts, an extra wrap, but he says he doesn't need anything else.

@Possinass

I honestly believe it comes from previously being on a strict diet for ages and after stopping it I was unable to just have the odd treat and I went totally overboard with the chocolate and take aways.

Likewise, I was an overweight child, and the school reported me to the "school doctor service" (or similar) when I was around 7 or 8. Obviously at that age, I wasn't in control of my eating, so I'd eat just whatever the family were eating for meals, which was typically stodge, carbs, "chips with everything" etc. When I was dragged to the school doctor by my Mum, literally ALL the blame was put onto me (even though I had no control at that age), and my Mum was instructed to put me on a strict diet. Which she did, but the rest of the family continued to eat carb laded stodge whilst I was presented with a boring salad!

That was the start of the secret eating as I rebelled by buying crisps at breaks from the school tuck shop. Of course, the teachers then reported me to the school doctor for buying crisps, and I was hauled back for another dressing down! So I gave money to school friends to buy crisps and I ate them hidden behind the portable classrooms or in the school loos on wet days!

That set the scene for the rest of my life, sadly!

I can go for days without having anything other than normal family meals, but then go overboard and burn through a six pack of crisps or a four pack of kitkats in one go!

Over the decades, I've regularly mentioned my binge eating to GPs, diabetic nurses, dieticians and even a specialist diabetic GP, but they're completely useless - they just trot out the same old generic diet advice, completely ignoring the fact that it's an addiction! In fact the only advice of the specialist diabetic GP was to find a Facebook binge eating group to join!!

Mmm, this does sound like a friend and her DH. She gets very frustrated by him as he'll basically be ridiculously frugal eg they'll be out with the kids at swimming and eating and he'll have a salad. But then he's hungry and undoes it all with 200g of chocolate or whatever.

There is definitey some research out there also that eating too little can be very bad for weight loss. I'm not sure of the details.

Perhaps it's worth convincing him to see a nutritionist?

I have a friend who was in a very happy marriage but highly stressed by his job. He’d stop by McDonalds and buy 6 small cheeseburgers and some fries and eat then on the way home from work at 11pm. He’d throw the packaging in the neighbour’s wheelie bin so his wife wouldn’t find out. So yes, it’s possible that he is bingeing and too embarrassed to let you know.

It does sound like secret eating. Could he have become ashamed of his appetite and some of the food he enjoys after your health kick? Did you both perhaps categorise some foods as 'bad' and others 'good' (as so many diet plans do)?

Are you together all day at weekends/on holiday and what does he eat then? It's a tricky one - difficult to get him to talk about it if he's feeling guilty.

I only thought you hadn't because you said you thought he was eating in secret and didn't mention in your OP that you'd ever asked him about this.

I think people will deny embarrassing truths if confronted, that's why I usually say don't tell me, tell yourself, or words to that effect, so they don't have to get defensive, but they do know you have spotted something is not quite right and suspect they are kidding themselves, and are concerned.

He almost definitely did. My ex used to do it. He'd claim to be trying to lose weight and not really hungry when the fact was he'd had fish and chips for lunch.

A bowl of weetabix, a ham roll and an orange doesn't sound like much to see him through the day, though. If what he is eating isn't filling, then he is more likely to be tempted.

My DH was the same. Ate the same as me but then I saw the triple pack sandwiches wrapping in his car, chocolate bar and crops wrappings. Also found out that he was having regular cooked breakfasts at work. So his weight gain was due to over eating and nothing else

Yes I don't mean secret eating like he's not allowed to eat. Since he lost weight he's been taking a small lunch to work and he claims that's all he has.

Before I know he's was stopping at McDonald's breakfast every day but he says he isn't doing that again.

We've changed our diets for the better but mysteriously dh gas out a lot of weight back on.

How did you both lose the weight last time OP, was it with a group?

Six!

I don't believe your DH, I am afraid.

I'm wondering if he's keeping to the plan but the buying for instance a cafe latte from Starbucks can be 340 calories, if you have 2 or 3 a day those calories add up. Then if you drink sugar sweetened drinks then that adds up too.

He is def secret eating but that is not enough to fuel an adult man.
I would eat that dieting as a 5"3 woman.
My 5"9 10 stone dh would need an entire packet of maryland to last to dinner if thats all he got to eat 😅

If you want to help I'd look at improving quantity and quality of the breakfast and lunch. Ie increase the calories in a way that also adds bulk.

Eg.
Breakfast add a banana peanut butter and protein powder smoothie!
Extra 300cals and about 25g/30g protein

Lunch add more ham and salad to the sandwich maybe some cheese. Carrot and hummous, maybe a few nuts? and 2 portions of fruit

We just stopped having so many takeaways. We were having them twice a week now it's once a month. We were buying packets of jam donuts and eating them all we've stopped doing all of that's kind of thing.

It's not like we eat super strict we still eat lots of lovely food but far less of the sugary and greasy stuff. Plus we exercise regularly now whereas we did nothing before.

If your husband suffers from a medical condition, that alone would not make him put on weight. His energy intake must exceed his energy expenditure for this to happen. However, a number of medical conditions could make his appetite difficult to control (insulin resistance - or prediabetes, leptin resistance etc.). It would also be that a restrictive diet in the past has impacted his attitude to food or as another poster suggests, there could be shame attached to eating outside what has been decided to be healthy/permitted. Hence the reluctance to discuss, despite your very sensitive and sensible approach to the conversation.