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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel pleased that neighbour’s kids are being pulled out of private school?

411 replies

grengat · 26/06/2024 20:07

I am friends ish with my neighbour and I do feel very conflicted about this. Since we moved in 5 years ago we have had it ALL about her son’s education. How he’s doing so well, on the path to a brilliant future, all the sports he’s doing… every time we see her she manages to mention something about the bloody school! We could never afford it and she knows this. Anyway… turns out he won’t be going back after Christmas and they are looking round state schools this week. I feel great about it. Finally my kids are on a level playing field with this kid and I am glad it’s happened. Think I just need a safe space to say it as obviously can’t IRL!

OP posts:
Jeschara · 27/06/2024 18:59

You really are a spiteful unpleasant woman. I would not mind betting that if she did brag, it's because of your constant jealous goading. I bet you have made it clear to her how unfair it is her child goes to a private school.
Look to yourself and see what makes you so nasty. You must feel so inferior. Glad to see that a unhappy child gives you cause to be so gleeful. If this is true you are totally toxic snd best avoided.

SemperIdem · 27/06/2024 19:15

Taking it a bit personally there, @Jeschara

Jeschara · 27/06/2024 19:21

Not taking it personally just feel for the child. This is a discussion thread.

IwillNOTplayfastandloosewithpublicfinances · 27/06/2024 20:00

Is this a bit of a case of wishful thinking on your part, as opposed to reality OP? The school wouldn’t have even announced what next year’s fees will be yet! It’s not a given that the full cost will be passed into parents. Also, how did they get a place confirmed already at the state school you so desperately want to see them at.

Either the neighbour is winding you up or you’re winding yourself up. Your thread is possibly the most cringe-inducing thing I’ve read on MN.

Rosscameasdoody · 27/06/2024 20:04

5128gap · 27/06/2024 09:41

YABVU. I say this as someone who dislikes the principle of private education as a contributor to social inequality and a means of elevating mediocrity amongst the wealthy, and as someone who strongly believes the loophole should be closed and VAT paid on this luxury service. However, these are political and ideological matters, and on an individual level I have empathy with people negatively impacted, whose only fault lies in taking advantage of a system created to favour them, as is human nature. There have been countless threads debating this with many people arguing the point from principle, and in turn being shouted down as jealous and spiteful. It's a great shame that in posting your thoughts you have given them evidence to say this is the case. I think your level of personal glee at someone's misfortune is the exception amongst those who support the policy. But those who don't are going to use you as the voice of us all.

This. Excellent post.

clarepetal · 27/06/2024 20:11

Comedycook · 26/06/2024 20:09

Fair enough. I'd probably feel the same.

Same

Newusernameforthiss · 27/06/2024 22:10

Still so obviously fake!!! Labour haven't got in yet, VAT isn't applied yet, private schools are a business and like any business they can choose to pass some, all, or none of this tax rise on to their customers!! They can just sell a playing field or have one fewer music teacher 🤷‍♀️ just like state school!!

This is just some imagined fantasy version of what some saddo thinks is a "state school" parent, stop falling for it 🫣

CultOfRamen · 27/06/2024 22:25

That’s pretty vile.
whatever your feelings about private ed it’s can be extremely unsettling for kids to change school and I think it’s always a risk to their confidence and development.
you need to give your head a shake.

BonneMaman77 · 27/06/2024 22:39

Well…you really don’t want to slip down to her level. It’s not attractive or nice and has no redeeming features.

NDmumoftwo · 27/06/2024 22:41

OP, either you're a genuinely awful person for feeling so smug about your neighbours or you're just trolling us. Either way. Ugh.

TheRealKatnissEverdeen · 28/06/2024 06:45

Sweetenuf · 27/06/2024 09:43

It also won’t help the state sector because the biggest problem is parental engagement not lack of funding .

I went to a state primary school and it was mixed socio-economically. The smart (or even average) kids from middle class and/ or educated backgrounds who did quite at primary school did well in high school and went on to uni or started businesses etc. the smart kids from backgrounds that had parents that did not value education mostly got pregnant /fathered a kid young or went into some unskilled low paid job . The difference was so stark once children got to high school they started following different routes/crowds.

My single mum didn’t have money for fancy trainers so I could be cool but she found money for tutors to help me in maths which I struggled with. My friend in comparison will buy smart phones for her kids (outright not a contract) and then look wide eyed and confused at the idea of paying for anything educationally (tutors, revision camps, extra books etc ) when her kids are saying they are struggling with work.

I know this is all just anecdotal but I’ve also seen this many times working in schools and statistics also back this up, it’s the main reason why schools with the most middle class or educated parents do well. That’s why children of low income immigrant parents often do better in education than non-immigrants kids whose parents earn a similar low income.

We need to start looking at socio-economic reasons closely. As pp said everyone at state school doesn’t mean equal footing or some nonsense. Some kids will have tutors, enriching experiences, encouragement at home to value education etc and some kids won’t.

Don’t get me wrong I think funding can offset some of the “harm” done by coming from a family where they don’t value education if it’s targeted into intiatives that aim to change mindsets, but it will only do so much. There needs to be a cultural shift overall.

Edited

Great post. Sounds like we had a similar upbringing in some regards.
I'm second generation amd grew up relatively poor. Like you, my mum found the funds for a maths tutor for me and encouraged me to read. My love of reading has stayed with me throughout my life.
She later put herself through university, became a social worker and, as a result, our living conditions improved significantly.

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