To feel pleased that neighbour’s kids are being pulled out of private school?

[grengat]

I am friends ish with my neighbour and I do feel very conflicted about this. Since we moved in 5 years ago we have had it ALL about her son’s education. How he’s doing so well, on the path to a brilliant future, all the sports he’s doing… every time we see her she manages to mention something about the bloody school! We could never afford it and she knows this. Anyway… turns out he won’t be going back after Christmas and they are looking round state schools this week. I feel great about it. Finally my kids are on a level playing field with this kid and I am glad it’s happened. Think I just need a safe space to say it as obviously can’t IRL!

I'm glad you're not my "friend".

Not a pleasant thing to say.

mostly true. Private schools dont get better grades

Seriously OP, do some work on yourself. Don't consume yourself with this bitterness and resentment. It's hardly something to be joyful about.

Because they are moving to a new school and that’s a big change? I’d have thought that was obvious- not all kids react well to massive change, they’ll miss their friends, take time to settle in etc.

Is the child in question going to go to your DCs school? I would be making sure my kids make friends with him and reassure him that he is going to be fine.

As for the mother, a boaster is a boaster whatever the sector so if she will be in your DCs class I doubt it will stop.

Was the neighbour bragging though? Or was the neighbour just sharing information about her life, talking about her kid and being proud, much like most mum's like to do?
Its possible you have been feeling like she was bragging when she wasn't meaning to, she could just be a bit thoughtless. Either way, this is not a nice post about someone you're meant to be friends with.

Meh, I get it OP. I understand what you mean and would probably feel the same way although would be afraid to say so out loud especially here on MN! ;-)

Well given she said in front of my dc that ‘somewhere has to produce doctors and lawyers’ … yes I think she’s pretty unkind and made my dc feel worthless.

How old are your children? I’m finding it hard to picture children who even listen to a conversation between their mother and a neighbour she doesn’t even like, let alone who feel “worthless” because of some vague implication that people from private schools get better jobs.

Well, OP, you sound like a thoroughly unpleasant jealous bitch.

@Mummy2024 This policy will not help state schools as those unable to stay in the private sector will flood the state system and so all that will happen is class sizes will get bigger and your teachers will be more stretched. Even Rachel Reeves recognises that so has said she will give a years transition time to try and stagger the influx. This policy will not make any money for the same reason. More people for an amount of money that won't touch the sides.

Clearly everyone should have a decent education but there is always inequality with some able to afford private school, tutors or houses with room for a pony or whatever. It doesn't mean that there should be a policy of you have it so I should share even though you were taxed before you got it and as was said by @ChurchCats this policy is just about jealousy. Sounds like my MIL and it gets extremely grating.

YABVU. I say this as someone who dislikes the principle of private education as a contributor to social inequality and a means of elevating mediocrity amongst the wealthy, and as someone who strongly believes the loophole should be closed and VAT paid on this luxury service. However, these are political and ideological matters, and on an individual level I have empathy with people negatively impacted, whose only fault lies in taking advantage of a system created to favour them, as is human nature. There have been countless threads debating this with many people arguing the point from principle, and in turn being shouted down as jealous and spiteful. It's a great shame that in posting your thoughts you have given them evidence to say this is the case. I think your level of personal glee at someone's misfortune is the exception amongst those who support the policy. But those who don't are going to use you as the voice of us all.

It also won’t help the state sector because the biggest problem is parental engagement not lack of funding .

I went to a state primary school and it was mixed socio-economically. The smart (or even average) kids from middle class and/ or educated backgrounds who did quite at primary school did well in high school and went on to uni or started businesses etc. the smart kids from backgrounds that had parents that did not value education mostly got pregnant /fathered a kid young or went into some unskilled low paid job . The difference was so stark once children got to high school they started following different routes/crowds.

My single mum didn’t have money for fancy trainers so I could be cool but she found money for tutors to help me in maths which I struggled with. My friend in comparison will buy smart phones for her kids (outright not a contract) and then look wide eyed and confused at the idea of paying for anything educationally (tutors, revision camps, extra books etc ) when her kids are saying they are struggling with work.

I know this is all just anecdotal but I’ve also seen this many times working in schools and statistics also back this up, it’s the main reason why schools with the most middle class or educated parents do well. That’s why children of low income immigrant parents often do better in education than non-immigrants kids whose parents earn a similar low income.

We need to start looking at socio-economic reasons closely. As pp said everyone at state school doesn’t mean equal footing or some nonsense. Some kids will have tutors, enriching experiences, encouragement at home to value education etc and some kids won’t.

Don’t get me wrong I think funding can offset some of the “harm” done by coming from a family where they don’t value education if it’s targeted into intiatives that aim to change mindsets, but it will only do so much. There needs to be a cultural shift overall.

I personally think it's absolutely vile to be happy that a child is upset. Horrible.

You're not a nice person.

God. You're just horrid.

If her kids great and smart and amazing as she says, she's still going to talk about it regardless of what school they go to.

They won’t necessarily be on the same playing field if her son goes to state school. She will still have that money floating around so he’s still going to be at an advantage. He might end up going on more holidays or doing more extra curricular stuff. Or have a really good tutor he’s sees every week. So I wouldn’t say things will now be equal in life.

She’s not automatically going to get her son in the school she wants by the way. So If all the best state schools are full she will have to settle for whatever she can find for him in if it’s an in year move.

OP has had all the benefit of NOT paying school fees - I hope her kids are treated to lots of fun stuff with the spare cash!

Just shows the power of envy. The sort of motivation which led to people turning over their neighbours to the authorities under totalitarian regimes. Charming.

because private schools require term notice.

The parents saw Labour VAT policy and polls, understood that this will certainly happen very soon and they can't bridge the gap, so served the notice. They still have to pay for the next term in September so better for the child to still use it for one more term.

You sound quite jealous person. Fyi your child is not only competing with her child but millions across the world due to job market becoming quite global and very ease of talented people from around the world moving into UK. Think about that, that's the reality.

Exactly.

People who are going to private school who have to leave the parents may well spend some of the saved money on tutors instead.

So tutors will become more in demand. More expensive and less will become available for state school students. Because private school fees could be used to fund an awful lot of tuition.

Like all of these things. Be careful what you wish for.

YABU for thinking MN is a safe space!

I had a similar friend who, after I bought a flat as my first home, kept banging on about how she couldn't imagine how awful it would be to live in a flat and how much better her detached house was.

The friendship faded away due to this and other unpleasant behaviours, but I must admit I did have a small smile to myself when I heard on the grapevine that she'd had to move into a flat herself.

I would never have wished anything bad to happen to her, but you can't help but feel a bit like it serves them right when people who take joy in putting others down get a taste of their own medicine.

@CovertPiggery That is a bit different, a bit more understandable, than being gleeful about a kid being distressed because he has to make a school move he hasn't chosen, under quite humiliating (for him probably, not sure if he's a teenager but as we know they are ruthless) circumstances.

It also won’t help the state sector because the biggest problem is parental engagement not lack of funding .

🤣🤣🤣