To feel pleased that neighbour’s kids are being pulled out of private school?

[grengat]

I am friends ish with my neighbour and I do feel very conflicted about this. Since we moved in 5 years ago we have had it ALL about her son’s education. How he’s doing so well, on the path to a brilliant future, all the sports he’s doing… every time we see her she manages to mention something about the bloody school! We could never afford it and she knows this. Anyway… turns out he won’t be going back after Christmas and they are looking round state schools this week. I feel great about it. Finally my kids are on a level playing field with this kid and I am glad it’s happened. Think I just need a safe space to say it as obviously can’t IRL!

I actually feel for you OP because I think that a part of you probably doesn’t feel good for taking pleasure in their misfortune. It’s a sign you’ve been focusing on them, comparing, experiencing some envy and not been noticing the good stuff in your own life. There will always be people who have more money, bigger house, ‘better’ jobs, ‘cleverer’ kids.

As the saying goes, comparison really is the thief of joy, it means you’re not noticing the richness you have in your own life, hopefully some love, connections, laughter, some meaning… if someone shows off all the time (which, for what it’s worth, is probably because they feel they are lacking in some way), leave them to it, hang out with the people who leave you feeling great!

(by the way I’m working on doing the above, I still feel envious and compare… and then try to notice what I’m doing and remind myself what a total waste of time it is doing it!)

Poor kid. It'll be struggle & be difficult to cope with.

That was way harsh Tai.

I think this goes deeper than the VAT levy on the fees IIRC. Private schools typically have charitable status so it really isn't a level playing field currently at all.

A few years back I offered to buy a couple of laptops for our local Primary School. I didn't in the end as the PCT was tied into a particular (overpriced) supplier and it seemed to be far more complex than it needed to. Point being a state Primary has far more hoops to jump through that waste huge amounts of money and than a (typically) smaller independent.

It's a shame for the child concerned - I would suspect the parents overstretched themselves to get there. Those proper, wealthy "old money" middle classes fund education through various grandparent trusts anyway - so not taxed there either.

A perfect example of this only hurting the middle ground.

Couldnt agree more. Sort of answers my earlier Q about why some people stretch themselves to pay for private schooling. Is it really because they want the best for their kids or is it because they can say "Oh we chose fee paying". Especially as the education at some of the non selective privates is....questionable. Most of them would do better in state, but ma and pa dont have bragging rights then......

Bit of a Margot and Jerry thing.

Have you considered therapy?

You take pleasure in someone else's misfortune. Your neighbour didn't rob a bank; they paid for their son's education and there is nothing wrong with that.

But now there circumstances have changed so they have to adapt and go to state school.

How has neighbour's child going to state school IMPROVE YOUR QUALITY OF LIFE ? It doesn't. You are still stuck where you are.

I mean I have my own opinions about private schools, and this woman does sound a bit annoying but…

it sounds really mean spirited to say you feel great about this. The poor kid is gutted, will have to leave his friends at school, will have the difficulty of transitioning to a state after having been private which will undoubtedly come with certain issues.

of all the things to be pleased about, I don’t think this is one. You need to have a bit of a reevaluate.

I don’t care how boastful your neighbour is.
I think that it is such a horrible thing to say.

This is so very accurate
Great comment

You seem mean, Op.
You possibly talk about your own kids as much as she did hers.

It's very sad for the child. Hopefully he will adjust and flourish in his new school - and reach his goals.

How very disappointing to hear of an adult gleefully announcing that a child's family failed to afford his education.

Parents are allowed to be proud of their kids.

Your comment opening with - "I am friends ish with my neighbour", alerted me to your feelings of resentment. You were not friendly or wishing your neighbour the best.

I hope your child and their child can reach their dreams of being doctors and lawyers; I hope that the local schools are well equipped with great staff and facilities and that the kids try their best and reach their potential.
Very sad that one child is having to leave their friends and start again but mt bet is that they will succeed.

My neighbour was made redundant last year and lost her private healthcare. Maybe I should be gleeful about her now struggling with the NHS.

Or maybe I realise that taking glee in another person's downfall (even if that person wasn't particularly pleasant) says more about me than it does about them - mainly that I'm bitter and spiteful and no matter what happens I'll always remain that way unless I change my attitude.

Let’s not forget the utter disdain for “stealth boasting” which comes up often on MN. Neighbour has been stealth boasting, which is annoying as hell. OP finds some satisfaction in the neighbour being shut down. It’s nothing to do with the child. I understand how she feels. Some of the nasty posts on this thread are bonkers.

She just sounded proud and you jealous. The negative trait there is jealousy. I've got a neighbour whose kids go to the private school and I would be worried for them if she had to pull them out, not gloat!

To feel that way, you're obviously a very unhappy and jealous person OP. This will not make you truly happy because your life will still be the same. This high you're feeling will only be temporary.

Address what is making you so unhappy in your own life or you'll just be a miserable, jealous person forever.

The kids will be fine, why wouldn't they be?

so why didn't you just point out to her that most doctors and lawyers are state educated? I don't understand why you have been having these conversations at all, and not saying this

Very petty, evil in fact.

You are an envious jealous person OP.
Hopefully your children don't learn from you.
Better to show them how to be kind considerate and tolerant of others.
Learn to accept we are all different and never be unkind.

Why's he going back in September just for the first term? Seems a bit of a waste of time.

Gosh what a nasty OP. I'm really surprised you said that 'out loud'. Not a good look.

This.
How unkind.

I think regardless of private schools, state schools or wherever children go to learn if they want to learn they will learn.