To feel pleased that neighbour’s kids are being pulled out of private school?

[grengat]

I am friends ish with my neighbour and I do feel very conflicted about this. Since we moved in 5 years ago we have had it ALL about her son’s education. How he’s doing so well, on the path to a brilliant future, all the sports he’s doing… every time we see her she manages to mention something about the bloody school! We could never afford it and she knows this. Anyway… turns out he won’t be going back after Christmas and they are looking round state schools this week. I feel great about it. Finally my kids are on a level playing field with this kid and I am glad it’s happened. Think I just need a safe space to say it as obviously can’t IRL!

This is what I was thinking.

This sums up the whole private school debate for me. Very unpleasant.

Of course this actually happened ☺️
or maybe you’re just posting propaganda for how horrible and smug pp parents are and how they deserve to be “taken down a peg or two”. I hope they take the places from some obviously extremely better deserving local paupers

Yes. Life is unfair. We all have different chances. Not better, not worse but different depending on ability, personality and where we are born/ who are parents are. But education is the only thing we have to attempt to level the playing field. We should all have the same chance to achieve in whatever it is we want or are good at. This is why we should no longer see private schools as charities. They are not. I see so much good in my two teens from sending them to our local school. They are resilient, they need to make the effort to learn, they have to be supported with ASN by law. As a teacher I can see what a huge difference more funding will make. More adults in the classrooms would raise attainment massively.

I agree with you that I am pleased to hear some parents having to pipe down. I’m not pleased that children have to change their lives and friendship groups. I hear that Y5s and 6s are smaller year groups nationally so things might even out as there are more spaces in state schools.

in the words of the desiderata, ‘avoid loud and aggressive persons. They are vexatious to the spirit.’ (And quietly know the things can only get better.)

Grim. If anything sums up the race to the bottom it's this.

Also, you're not "friends", even with the qualifying "ish" - you clearly don't like them at all.

This.. 💯

Wow, only a viscous and vindictive person could celebrate that a child’s life/schooling will be completely upended because they’re pissed at the mother.

Fingers crossed your neighbour/DH gets a promotion and the child is able to stay on after all.

@grengat thank the lord you are not my neighbour!! you are a really nasty individual!

Gosh, what a hideous unpleasant thing to say!

I think this post just proves your jealous and spiteful. If you want your kids to have a better education work harder to pay for it perhaps, you're telling me if you had the chance to send your kids private you wouldn't because you believe all kids should start at the same place? Many of us can't afford to send our kids private but we certainly don't begrudge anyone else sending their kids.

I went to private school. Loved it. But the main thing that was important in my upbringing was my family and how we were brought up. I've brought my children up the same way. Both currently at an incredible state primary (that feels very much like a private school) and will be going to a decent state high school.

There's two private schools I could have considered. I chose neither as frankly they're crap compared to the state school. Thought the Heads were out of touch with the real world.

My private education was peaceful, if that's the right word. I did have a culture shock when I went to a regular sixth form college. But guess what, still ended up hanging around with other 'nice' children.

Trust me, your upbringing is far more important. This child will still do very well as the type of parent who values private education will still be providing opportunites for their child to succeed.

well this is why I feel our grossly unfair that all these years my dc have been at a disadvantage. All kids should start from the same place.

Yes, all children should start from a point of disadvantage, for fairness reasons..

The money from VAT is not going to sort out the shitty education system. It's beyond madness to think it will. How about a policy that actually lifts the state system out of the absolute pits the Tories have put it in, rather than one that just aims to make the private system as shit as the state system for "fairness"?

The problem with this headline VAT policy is that it is being marketed as the magic pill to cure the state system, which it won't, but there are seemingly NO other cures for its ills! Seriously - how is Labour going to actually lift it out of the pit without general tax rises? Because VAT on private school fees is not going to do it, and gloating over your neighbour is not going to pay for new teachers either, no matter how good it makes you feel OP.

Wow. I can't believe that an adult would write such a cruel and petty post. I truly hope that if you and your kids go through tough times and you are forced into unpalatable choices - that you have people around you who will lift you up and help you through. Be that person now. Do better.

It’s not going to be a level playing field though, because if the vat has tipped her over, the money she won’t be spending on school fees, she will spend on tutoring and her kid will be now in direct competition for the best state school places, grammars or such with your kids, not much to be gleeful about, is it?

Spare me.

Is this just "education choices"? The OP's neighbour's child's life is being negatively affected. He's probably going to lose his friendship groups and have to make adjustments that may negatively affect his learning. Probably suffer emotionally, socially and educationally. Not to mention we don't know why he has to switch schools but it may mean the family is going through job loss or financial trouble.

But the OP is delighted that a shitty thing has happened to an innocent kid because "finally my kids are on a level playing field with this kid and I am glad it’s happened."

Sometimes though, hearing shit like that can spur a youngster on to prove differently, especially if they are smart and have an independent streak. Success is not only the domain of doctors and lawyers. How's she going to react if her son decides to fuck off abroad away from her 'plans for Nigel' and be a poet in poverty?

While I feel sorry for her son I voted YANBU because of the boasting/gloating like my SIL about her son in grammar school.

You do know this won't make any difference to her bragging though. If she chooses a different state school then she will brag about how much better that state school is. If they go to the same school then it will be constant comparison about their results, sports teams etc.

Wow, this is one of the more unpleasant things I’ve read on MumsNet. Have an opinion about private schools generally but don’t take joy in someone else’s misfortune.

This is such an excellent post, it needs to be repeated again.

I think you need to work on yourself OP. You should start reading some of the ancient texts, some philosophy perhaps. You could really do with changing your thinking.

I really feel for that poor kid. You are extremely mean spirited. Do you think you deserve good things to come to you, considering how pleased you are about someone else's misery?

It's devastating for the child, which lasts for a very long time. They face being teased, bullied at their new school. They've lost all their friends.

It's wicked to take any pleasure from this alone.

Finally my kids are on a level playing field with this kid and I am glad it’s happened.

I think you’ll find that socioeconomic factors are far more influential than schools. Parents who value education and are well-educated themselves, talk to their DC, give their DC access to books, travel and cultural experiences. These are the main drivers for academic success.

Unless you can replicate the home life and experiences of the DC next door, your DC are not on a level playing field (not saying better or worse, just not level).

Hear hear. Excellent post.

You’d make a good Stalinist, OP. What next? Collectivising your neighbour’s garden if it’s too big? Arresting anyone with “bourgeois” professional qualifications or too much money in ISAs? There will always be someone doing better than you and someone doing worse. Surely it’s better to have a neighbour who is trying to improve their lot than a race to the bottom?

I do not usually post on msg like this but you sound like a truly unpleasant, jealous individual.
Wishing ill onto a child is about as low as you can go.