Wedding invitation asking for cash gifts in advance

[FishPhoods]

We are invited to a good friends wedding next summer. The invitation has arrived today, the wedding is going to be at a country house quite a fancy one, and there's a card for a gift list.

I usually do give cash these days so not sure if IABU to find this offensive:

"To our lovely guests. We really hope you can join us on our special day. We ask that you don't bring any gifts on the day, but would prefer for those of you that choose to give a gift, that you make a cash donation ahead of September 1st 2024 which will help to contribute towards the celebration. All our love"

I think it's the fact they're having what seems to be an expensive wedding and asking the guests to pay towards it - is this the done thing these days??

Crikey that's pretty tasteless!

I know people give money as gifts these days but the invites that basically request it make me cringe, receiving this would make me pass out.

What on earth were they thinking, if they can't afford the wedding they need to cut back on things. This is awful and embarrassing

Sounds reasonable.

No, it's not the done thing. It's the tasteless, grabby thing. They should have a wedding they can afford.

The kindest reading is that they underestimated the wedding's cost and are now short on funds.

If I was going to be generous I'd say they don't want any physical gifts. Not unreasonable at all, many people don't have large homes and the last thing they need are duplicate toasters and kettles or tat. That said asking for money to pay for the wedding isn't good, they should have been discreet about where any money received is going.

That's up front. However you don't need to 'choose' to give a gift so if you don't like it, don't.

That would really irritate me!!! Very crass

I always give cash happily at weddings, and always try to cover at least my "per head" costs, as I know how expensive it is.

However, I find the request to send it in advance quite irksome. I mean, what happens if they don't get married after all?!

Friends of ours sent out invitations stating that they'd been together for a while and had everything needed for their home. Our presence was the only present required, but if we wanted to give a gift, please could we make it cash.

It was worded much more elegantly than that.

When I put my invitations out I made no reference to gifts whatsoever. If the guests who are coming want to give me and my h2b gifts then that's up to them. Their company is gift enough for me

Ooo that's crass. I wouldn't go and save them and yourselves some money.

Quite reasonable really. Theres usually a twee poem with a beg at the end for future expenses but at least this time you can see your cash being spent on tat in advance.

It’s reasonable to ask for cash but not ahead of the wedding , I would take a cash gift on the day .

Leaving aside the issue of asking for money as a wedding gift, did you miss the part where the wedding is next year but they have asked for cash to be "deposited" by September this year?

They might as well go the whole hog and set up a go fund me page.

What if they split up before the wedding?

Do you think they will be refunding anyone?

Honestly I don't understand why people get outraged at stuff like this. Seems totally reasonable to me. They're not demanding cash! They're just saying if you want to give cash please do it before so it can go towards the wedding. Maybe they're going to put the money behind the bar or something.
Are all the people who find this rude older? I think it might be a generational thing.
We didn't want "stuff" when we got married. Didn't ask for cash either, just didn't mention gifts, knowing most people would probably give cash if they wanted to give anything.
I don't actually think asking for cash if you choose to give anything is really any different to having a gift list.

Mmmm...a bit cringe...I've seen couples ask for cash to make their honeymoon even more special which I thought was fine though 🤔

I'd decline the invitation. They want their guests to pay for the wedding they want but can't afford in advance.

Nope.

Thats an awful way of putting it. I agree it’s asking people to pay for their expensive choice in weddings which is just tasteless. Especially because they’re asking for it to be paid before the actual wedding. So tacky.

Oof I’m embarrassed on their behalf. So greedy. I wouldn’t be paying for their wedding.

Brazen! And tasteless

All that money still won't buy them class 😬

Oof. Hard no. If they can't afford their wedding that isn't their guests problem.

Itsrainingten but in your explain then the people paying cash in advance would be subsidising other people's drinks from the bar. Not just giving money to the happy couple.

OP please ask whether you get a refund if they don't get married ? 🤣

I would buy them a toaster out of spite.

I hate even being asked for money as a gift, let alone in advance to fund the wedding! It's beyond awful. Anyone who thinks this is ok has no class at all.