Overheard convo - tell friend?

[camiclairi]

Yesterday I went for drinks with some friends after work, couple of us brought our partners.
One of my friends is in a relatively new relationship, I haven't got a great feeling about him but she seems happy.

At one point in the evening my friend went to the bathroom, I then overheard her boyfriend talking to a stranger.
The stranger asked what his girlfriend did and he replied (she's work in events and marketing for a large very well known museum) saying what she does and followed it with "so not very bright but looks good on my arm" the stranger asked if she went to uni and he said "yeah but one of those pointless degrees that need banning" (English Lit & Classics at St Andrews ..... hardly Mickey Mouse stuff!), she also has a masters from Kings College! He then went into talking about his finance and economics degree.
She came back before anything else was said and the convo moved on.
However it's sat weird with me that he would talk about her this way. I think my friend is a genuinely intelligent, and extremely knowledgeable person, probably more so than many many people working in the city (I say as one of those people). I feel she deserves someone who is proud of her achievements and doesn't aim to diminish them. She is from an Uber wealthy background so I guess felt no need to do a job or degree she doesn't love!
I'm now thinking I should tell her I overheard this but other friends think I should keep out and she will realise sooner or later - or maybe she already knows and is fine with it.

AIBU wanting to tell friend?

Have you thought of telling him that you overheard what he said?

I would wait and see how things develop and be ready to support when things go wrong. It doesn’t look promising. If you say something now she may get defensive and not believe you.

Bloody hell, I’d want to know if it were me!

He sounds jealous of her! I’d tell her as you never know what other info she’s holding and mulling over, this might be the one thing she needs to tip her over and get rid of him.

I would tell her. If it were me I would want to know.

I would tell her

Tell her. That's a disgusting way to talk about anyone, let alone a romantic partner with whom you're meant to be developing trust and vulnerability. I cannot fathom talking about my partner like that, nor him talking about me like that. I'd want my friend to know so she could decide whether that's a person she wants to continue opening up to.

I would tell her

That's a disgraceful way to talk about someone you're in a relationship with

I'd tell her, I'd certainly want to know if it was me.

I’d tell her as well. I would want to know.

I'm a bit amazed that you didn't jump in when he started saying that she wasn't bright. I'd tell her.

The man sounds like a prick and obviously a horrible way to talk about his girlfriend but I don't think you telling her about this conversation will achieve anything. It's not like you heard him confess to cheating or something. I imagine she'll find out for herself pretty soon

I would tell him that I'd overheard what he said and I'd probably tell her too. He's a massive cunt.

And what he said would be vile regardless of whether your friend had a degree or what she did for a living. It would be no more acceptable for him to have said that about her if she'd left school at 16 and worked in a supermarket.

(It's quite weird that a stranger was quizzing her boyfriend on what she did for a living and what she studied at university in the first place, though. Sounds like a pretty tedious gathering!)

I would confront him but also record the conversation as proof

Not sure what the point of telling him would be, he’s hardly going to hold his hands up & say ‘yep you got me, I’m a twat’
id tell her though, I’d want to know if anyone was saying stuff like that about me so I could get rid

What is the need to do this? 🤔 we’re not in a Law and Order episode. Her friends an educated adult, just tell her without bringing a recording of the horrible words!!

Yes. Ask him if he wouldn't mind repeating everything he said about his girlfriend so you can record it. Sensible.

I'd tell her but leave it to her as to whether it's a deal breaker.

@loropianalover because her friend might take his side as most women bloody do, At least if recorded and he becomes a walking red flag even more she's got it recorded

@StrawberriesandMango How can she go back into the past and record the conversation?

Completely bizarre and childish to go around recording conversations. Her friends got a mind of her own and can decide to put up with this behaviour or not, without OP skulking around like Sherlock and making a drama.

Maybe have a conversation with them both about work and degrees, then "oh! I thought you said those degrees should be banned? You said it to that random man! Still, at least she looks good on your arm". Stare at him.

He sounds vile. However you tell her just tell her. He's already decided she's beneath him. Chances are he'll açt in a way to ensure that over time she feels that way

Honestly I would tell her.

I wouldn’t bring it up unless she asked what I thought. I’ve seen too many versions of Shoot The Messenger play out over useless horrible boyfriends.

I would, however, stick my oar in if I heard him spouting such rubbish within earshot.

If it was an acquaintance or someone you didn’t really know then I’d keep well out of it. This is your friend though op, people get so weird on here about ‘getting involved’ in other peoples relationships that it’s gone too far. What on earth is friendship even meant to mean if you could happily watch their boyfriend blatantly slagging them off behind their back for apparently no reason and say nothing? And the only motive I can think of here is that he liked the girl he was talking to, and wanted to make it clear that even though he’s in a relationship he doesn’t even like his girlfriend. To me that says he was indicating that he was open to cheating, or maybe planning on leaving your friend the second someone ‘better’ comes along. Why would you not warn her?