Overheard convo - tell friend?

[camiclairi]

Yesterday I went for drinks with some friends after work, couple of us brought our partners.
One of my friends is in a relatively new relationship, I haven't got a great feeling about him but she seems happy.

At one point in the evening my friend went to the bathroom, I then overheard her boyfriend talking to a stranger.
The stranger asked what his girlfriend did and he replied (she's work in events and marketing for a large very well known museum) saying what she does and followed it with "so not very bright but looks good on my arm" the stranger asked if she went to uni and he said "yeah but one of those pointless degrees that need banning" (English Lit & Classics at St Andrews ..... hardly Mickey Mouse stuff!), she also has a masters from Kings College! He then went into talking about his finance and economics degree.
She came back before anything else was said and the convo moved on.
However it's sat weird with me that he would talk about her this way. I think my friend is a genuinely intelligent, and extremely knowledgeable person, probably more so than many many people working in the city (I say as one of those people). I feel she deserves someone who is proud of her achievements and doesn't aim to diminish them. She is from an Uber wealthy background so I guess felt no need to do a job or degree she doesn't love!
I'm now thinking I should tell her I overheard this but other friends think I should keep out and she will realise sooner or later - or maybe she already knows and is fine with it.

AIBU wanting to tell friend?

I think id tell her. On the basis that it's a new relationship, so she hasn't invested too much yet, and then she can look out for more signs. It has a fairly high chance of going wrong...but feels like the right thing to do

Tell her.

I am going against the grain here but usually it's the messenger that gets shot, I've a few situations at the moment where I can see and hear stuff that's going on but I am not saying anything because when you do the tables end up getting turned, sometimes you have to let people find things out for themselves.

She’s a good friend? He’s a new boyfriend? I would tell her.
He sounds insecure and disrespectful… and those are both traits that can lead to all sorts of relationships starting with emotional abuse and often far worse.
Speak with her.

He is a man. I think we all know what to do, right?

I wouldn't unless she is a very close friend, she might blame you. She should clock is soon enough

I would tell her verbally but not write it in a text. He sounds like a disrespectful gold digger to me.

I’d definitely want to know, he sounds like an arrogant (and ignorant!) ass.

As an aside, I have observed that a LOT of young finance bros are like this. DH is in a finance-adjacent job, and we inevitably meet a few of these gold-plated turds at social events. My theory is that a lot of them are deeply insecure and/or are narcissists. She would do well to steer clear of him.

I'd tell her but be prepared for him to flat out deny it and say you are jealous of their relationship.

New relationship- I'd definitely tell her.

Married - I'd stay out of it.

Tbh it depends how good of a friend she is as to whether I'd say anything. A good, close friend who would believe and know I have their best interests at heart I wouldn't hesitate but more of an acquaintance I'd probably not say anything.

Yes of course tell her. How humiliating that she’s sleeping with a guy who thinks this way about her.

Assuming you are pretty close friends Just tell her what he said . Don’t make a big thing of it just say you heard something you didn’t like and feel you need to tell her . Don’t make any suggestion as to what she does next - even if she does nothing now next time he does something similar she will remember it’s not the first time .

Sounds like the stranger was interested in your friend, which is why he turned the conversation to her as soon as she left. The boyfriend sounds insecure and immature so instead of being confident in their relationship and answering honestly, he immediately started slagging her off and devaluing her to try to make the other guy lose interest. He puffed himself up while diminishing her to send the message that she was “lucky to have him” and wouldn’t be leaving him, probably because he actually fears that she will leave. What a slimy loser.

Of course tell her. I agree that in person would be better than trying to text or something.

I’d want to know, but new relationships can be intense and the guy could be quite manipulative. If you tell her, prepared to be disbelieved and possibly accused of jealousy or worse.

In fact , that might be the way to start: ‘I found this so bad that I am afraid to hurt you but I decided keeping quiet is worse. I hope we are close enough to weather it but I must tell you even at risk to our friendship’ etc - I know that looks a bit formal!

This is awful. Best wishes

I'd tell.

I'm amazed that you didn't say something on the evening, like "so you think a masters from Kings is Mickey mouse do you?", to put him on the spot.

As matters stand I think you probably do need to tell her and then let her make her own mind up about whether to sack him off or give him the chance to explain himself.

Of course you tell her; she needs real friends in her life not that twat.

Tell her, before she gets in any deeper.

Jeez tell her immediately OP!! That's exactly what friends are for. Stop her from wasting a second more on this nasty, negging, insecure, narcissistic twat.

I would definitely want to know if it were me - give her a head start to dealing with an emotionally unintelligent wanker, PLEASE.

Definitely tell her.

My thoughts exactly. I don't think I've ever had a conversation as an adult where someone has asked me what my undergraduate degree was, never mind that of my husband.

Sounds a little "unusual", to be sure.

Beside the point but why was a stranger asking about a random woman's degree and job?

I would definitely tell her

Like someone else said, I'd want to know. I would tell her, but be prepared for the friendship to cool down a bit - either because she doesn't like hearing it, or because he dislikes you for telling her and meddles with the friendship.

But you'll have done the right thing, and can stay in the wings ready to support her when it all goes inevitably tits up.