Overheard convo - tell friend?

[camiclairi]

Yesterday I went for drinks with some friends after work, couple of us brought our partners.
One of my friends is in a relatively new relationship, I haven't got a great feeling about him but she seems happy.

At one point in the evening my friend went to the bathroom, I then overheard her boyfriend talking to a stranger.
The stranger asked what his girlfriend did and he replied (she's work in events and marketing for a large very well known museum) saying what she does and followed it with "so not very bright but looks good on my arm" the stranger asked if she went to uni and he said "yeah but one of those pointless degrees that need banning" (English Lit & Classics at St Andrews ..... hardly Mickey Mouse stuff!), she also has a masters from Kings College! He then went into talking about his finance and economics degree.
She came back before anything else was said and the convo moved on.
However it's sat weird with me that he would talk about her this way. I think my friend is a genuinely intelligent, and extremely knowledgeable person, probably more so than many many people working in the city (I say as one of those people). I feel she deserves someone who is proud of her achievements and doesn't aim to diminish them. She is from an Uber wealthy background so I guess felt no need to do a job or degree she doesn't love!
I'm now thinking I should tell her I overheard this but other friends think I should keep out and she will realise sooner or later - or maybe she already knows and is fine with it.

AIBU wanting to tell friend?

I wouldn’t want to know most things, but I’d want to know THIS.

It’s early days when he should admire her and worship the ground she walks on. This is so disrespectful and they clearly don’t have the same values at all. Worlds apart and early on he slags her off to a stranger?!

Anything less isn’t good enough. This will only get worse over time

Please tell her.

Even if she was the least academic, jobless, hopeless person on earth, she should not be talked about in this way. I'd want to know.

He sounds like a total insecure dick

I would have said something at the time too and if she returned during what I had to say, then it’s out there, done and dusted.

I would tell my friend

Don’t get involved. Don’t be the one triggering upset and drama. He’s clearly a Pratt and if she’s as bright as you say she is, she’ll soon work it out.

Sounds like you have spoken to other friends about it. She should have heard before other friends

I'm afraid if you tell her, you're screwed; if you don't tell her, you're also screwed. As the messenger, you will be shot; but she's your friend, so you have to tell her. Be prepared for this friendship to be over for either a while, or permanently.

its none of your business

@camiclairi I’d have to gently tell her. I bet if it’s known she has a wealthy background she has all sorts trying to weedle their way in. What a creep talking about her like that.

It sounds like banter. It is what he said but he may not actually mean it. I would keep out of it completely.

I would hate to be kept in the dark like that and hate it if a friend kept me in the dark like that. Truly depressing.

Sure it is, she's her friend, not a stranger.

He sounds like a complete knob. I'd want to know.

I think it depends on how close a friend she is. If it were one of my closest friends I'd definitely tell her. If she's more of a casual 'friend in the group' I might not as it would be harder to guess her reaction. If she were one of my closest friends, know they'd want me to tell them. Only you can gauge what her reaction might be!

I'd possibly let him know first you heard every word he said then absolutely tell her. She deserves to know.

If OP confronts him (with or without a recording device), he will gaslight and deny it - then immediately go to his girlfriend and say "You won’t believe what your friend has just tried to falsely accuse me of....!"

@camiclairi I honestly believe some people on MN forget that it's not humanly possible to close your ears/stop hearing something. The amount of times I've seen comments berating an OP for "eavesdropping" when they've innocently overheard something during their normal daily activities ie: not purposely listening in!
You'd think they'd realise this, but no... 🤷🏼‍♀️

I feel she deserves someone who is proud of her achievements and doesn't aim to diminish them.

She also deserves a friend who will tell her this privately and keep it to themselves instead of gossiping discussing with “other friends” instead.

How would you feel knowing your “other friends” were talking about this behind your back.

Poor form.

I cannot stand insulting, disrespectful comments being renamed ‘banter’

Like some other posters on here, I would mention it to him first - in as non-confrontational way as possible.

It's a tough one. I've known plenty of people who don't rate BA as highly as BSc. Apparently doing maths and science automatically makes you more intelligent. I got treated like that at my DH Doctorate Presentation. All these scientists who couldn't understand the purpose of my very decent degree.

I would probably put it down to one-off dickishness. See how he is. If it's a pattern of behaviour then hopefully she'll realise, or if he does it again mention it then. It could also be that she acts dumb around him and plays down her qualifications and job because she believes that men don't like intelligent or successful women. (I got told once that the reason the boys I liked didn't like me back wasn't because I was ugly but because they felt intimidated. I know I lost a boyfriend because he hated the fact I just made him feel stupid - nothing I did, he was just not as intelligent.)

@pollymere but those were judgmental assholes who you spoke with for a few minutes. This is someone who she might marry and is only with her for her looks and money while not telling her that he doesn't think she's very bright.

If this was a close friend I would absolutely tell her.

Actually they really weren't. Just ignorant outside their own field. As I said, the friend may be deliberately playing down her intelligence and it's not up to OP to destroy that.

I dont see how op is destroying anything. It's up to her friend what she does with that information.