Overheard convo - tell friend?

[camiclairi]

Yesterday I went for drinks with some friends after work, couple of us brought our partners.
One of my friends is in a relatively new relationship, I haven't got a great feeling about him but she seems happy.

At one point in the evening my friend went to the bathroom, I then overheard her boyfriend talking to a stranger.
The stranger asked what his girlfriend did and he replied (she's work in events and marketing for a large very well known museum) saying what she does and followed it with "so not very bright but looks good on my arm" the stranger asked if she went to uni and he said "yeah but one of those pointless degrees that need banning" (English Lit & Classics at St Andrews ..... hardly Mickey Mouse stuff!), she also has a masters from Kings College! He then went into talking about his finance and economics degree.
She came back before anything else was said and the convo moved on.
However it's sat weird with me that he would talk about her this way. I think my friend is a genuinely intelligent, and extremely knowledgeable person, probably more so than many many people working in the city (I say as one of those people). I feel she deserves someone who is proud of her achievements and doesn't aim to diminish them. She is from an Uber wealthy background so I guess felt no need to do a job or degree she doesn't love!
I'm now thinking I should tell her I overheard this but other friends think I should keep out and she will realise sooner or later - or maybe she already knows and is fine with it.

AIBU wanting to tell friend?

Definitely tell her.
A man showing that much contempt and insecurity at this early stage is a red flag.
I made the mistake of dating a man like this fourteen years ago.
It ended in psychological and financial abuse and I was a nervous wreck, unable to trust men for a long time.

Why is cheating considered fair game for ending a relationship and diminishing and disrespecting not. I'd say arguably they're worse because they're insidious and disrupt your sense of self as much as your relationship.

This man doesn't respect her and I'm betting a lot of money that this comes out in subtle and possibly not so subtle ways.

Only you know your friend OP but maybe sound her out a bit about this man and find out whether or not she would take on board what you overheard. Most important is that she doesn't fall out with you as the worst thing would be for her to be isolated in this relationship.

Well he wasn't exactly being covert, was he? She'll already know or find out very soon, so not sure I'd get involved

Because time machines are a real thing.....??? 🤔🙄

Or does it go " Hey, horrible BF can you just repeat all that shit you said about my friend the other day, hold on, I'll just press Record....yep, off you go!" 🙄

Agree that this will come out soon enough. It's probably enough to just not hide your dislike of him and when she inevitably asks why, say that you don't like the way he talked about her to his friends.

I hope you've changed details, OP.

Yes, you should tell her, but I wouldn't quote it word for word unless she absolutely exists. I think you'd be a bad friend to keep that to yourself.

Why would you be happy with a romantic partner calling you either? You don't have to pick one

So from your op @camiclairi you've already spoken with other friends (who you don't say were/weren't there) about this but not the person it actually concerns? Glad you're not my friend.

If it were my friend I would have told her already.

If this chap and another are talking about their degrees, they sound impossibly immature. They become irrelevant against success.

Of greater concern is whether he's a potential gold digger as you have mentioned your friend is very wealthy.

I'd keep out of it.

What would you want if the roles were reversed and your friend heard your boyfriend say similar about you? Would you want to know or is ignorance bliss? Have a think about that then my advice is to do as you would want your friend to do.

Absolutely this.

It also demonstrates internalised misogyny. Valuing yourself about something so superficial as your looks (as women are sadly valued for) rather than your intelligence and ability.

@summersofdoom she gives away the girls higher education, degree, and alludes to her workplace.

@stilllovebeetroot

They were chatting before my friend went to the bathroom, all 3 of them. I'm sure it was just a coincidence that he asked when she left. The stranger had pulled a chair over to talk to them. It's quite normal when this group go out to end up talking to strangers and even spending the rest of the night with them!
Honestly it's odd you'd think I'd lie about this!

I would definitely want to know. She can do so much better than that chump.

I’d have called him out right then in front of her and the massive inferiority complex shaped chip on his shoulder. Prick.

Do tell her, it’s not a nice position to be in though.

I’d want to know before getting too invested in this prick. What a vile person he is.

Insists, not exists.

I'm not sure I agree with those who suggest telling the friend. A new relationship with the rose tinted glasses still on. It could back fire for OP.

You were sat in close proximity enough to hear to conversation in detail but didn't say a thing when he started slagging off your friend? Some friend.

I’d tell her.
Doesnt matter how intelligent she is, how many degrees she has from wherever, a man who speaks about his gf like that is not a good person.

YANBU in thinking she should know. But whether you should tell her depends on her character. What if she refuses to listen and blames you for trying to cause trouble?
If he's that dismissive of her it's bound to come out in other ways, and if she chooses to ignore, well that's her prerogative.

You really should have jumped into the conversation and told the truth about her. That would have been you being a better friend than saying nothing then debating whether to tell her afterwards

I'd probably want to know, but if she confronts him this guy absolutely will bend the truth beyond recognition.